EPIPHANY is such a funny word

a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence

For seeing myself as such a visionary in my life and finding myself feeling so lost as to where I want to be in life and what I want to be doing to find the happiness and satisfaction I feel and have felt calling out to me for quite some time now, I finally was awaken with an epiphany that was long overdue. This epiphany awoken me to what a foolish, ignorant blind fool I have been and somehow allowed myself to be, for far to long and having no reason for keeping myself from seeing and responding to answers that have been so clearly written on a wall I have been standing behind, hiding behind in a way a visionary would not allow themselves to do. Where have I been? I heard myself talking, I heard myself trying to make sense to myself for where I was and for why I just wasn’t quite where I should have been and wanted to be in my life. In a place where things in life made mush more simple sense because I was doing what made sense to be doing in my life. Locking myself away in a bedroom, in what I considered my sanctuary, my study hall, my place of finding the answers to questions that everyone is and has been asking for a very long time. Why have I allowed myself to find a satisfaction in trying to simplify the answers for others in life, to answers I have had and very clearly saw and understood for a very long time. So why allow myself to stop moving forward with the knowledge and wisdom I had to do so, if I truly chose to, which I clearly didn’t.

Why? As mentioned here before, I do not know why. I sit here now, still buzzing from the epiphany I just had, and I see myself reaching a point somewhere, sometime in recent years where I just stopped. Didn’t ask myself why but wasn’t completely seeing myself as being stopped, not moving forward, no even looking to see where I might take my next step in order to gain even a little bit of ground. I just stopped, closed my eyes and let myself talk gibberish to me.

There were answers, answers right there in front of me. Not that any of the answers that I am looking at right now, that have been right there in front of me are or were answers that would bring any huge jump in my life all at once but they are answers clear and true that would, that will keep my from standing still filled with satisfaction about where I was and where I was going, which was nowhere. The signs, the answers, no matter how profound and simple they may be, READ THE ANSWERS, SEE THE ANSWERS, ANSWER THE ANSWERS. THEY HAVE ANSWERS, d****t.

Thank you, epiphany, for speaking loud enough to me this time that just like getting hit in the face with a pie I could not ignore that I had just gotten hit in the face with a pie. An epiphany pie as a matter of fact. Spending my life locked away in a room, looking for answers and ways to better the world and things in it, I will never see or recognize the better in it taking place, FROM INSIDE THIS ROOM LOOKING FOR ANSWERS AND WAYS TO BETTER THE WORLD AND THINGS IN IT. The answers and ways to better the world and things in it definitely are not inside this room, and that was part of the epiphany I had.

Listen… yeah you, Tim, Listen…. You love being creative and creating things to share with others, you hate doing them alone with a great lack of inspiration to be inspired by. Make an effort in sharing them with others before they are good for nothing but viewing with others. How simple the answers are, how simple they are to see and they are not written on the walls in this room, outside, outside of this room, out there, not in here. Besides, I am really starting to get tired of hearing myself talk to myself all the time and being so ok with it. It’s not ok and it is out there and not very far away but yet such a very big step.

EPIPHANY OUT! Thanks for listening. ((I say, talking to myself again)

 

 

Sidenotes

Start taking my creativity over to Savannahs to share with her and the kids, to share with them and to awaken them all of the doors that open to a person by doing this kind of work, if you’re not alone, doing that kind of work alone all of the time, in a little room that is not your art studio, no matter how many times you try to convince yourself that it is. It’s not.

It’s really not. It sucks. It does.