Of a bud and a rose

One of those trying time when your about to explode, but composure turns out to be the best option.

The thorn and the bud...

The words resonated through the air, stone words bouncing off hard walls. Crackling sounds. I always knew her room had bad acoustics, I never anticipated they would ever be this dramatic. Now her voice was amplified and the air made every sound last longer. I heard every word twice.

I had always seen this coming...

“I think you’re right, this isn’t working. And it isn’t going to work in the future either...”

I often had difficulty trying to imagine a soft voice deliver hard words. When it happened, I still thought it sounded pleasant, till the thorn, reality pricked in...

The air started closing in, becoming tight and thin, all walls shrinking and elongating. The distance between us, lengthening. Beyond the scale of nature, i knew my petals would never roam free. My brain screamed, shredding the space between us. My lips however, didn’t move, my body just stayed limb. I was working hard to stay composed.

I took one close look at the door. My way to freedom. Or was it? It was my escape, not liberation, it was flee. And if my feet could let me, I’d use it. I knew it to well, I’d been down that route before. The lone corridor, the dead living room. I knew every detail in my mind. I could estimate it with engineering precision. The square cut tiles, the pristine white walls, and to the left, the exit wooden door. 
Through the shadowy space, I could see myself go. I knew what was on the other side of that door.

I didn’t know what to say, but I said it anyway... 

“I understand...”

My brain screamed even more, louder this time. I saw her look closer. The pain boiling through my veins. She could see it, she didn’t move, but she took several steps back, further. It was fear, the same fear that struck me. I didn't know what was going to happen next.
I felt my eyes boil. It wasn’t tears or blood, it was oil. Hot road paving oil, it started to flow, from the twisted nerves in my brain, i felt every turn it made to the tear ducts on my lower eyelids, but just before it reached my eyes, it stopped...


The bud and the rose...

This time something was different. I had always known I was split. That my brain and heart were different. But usually they agreed. This time they didn’t, and for once, I chose to support my heart, it offered no immediate solutions but it felt much calmer. I felt it pump cool blood through my oil ridden arteries and veins. With every second that it flowed, a new energy shone. 
Energy white, energy bright. Forming and fusing. Through my body I felt it emanate. Beyond known boundaries I felt it radiate. Space and time froze. Rapidly reacting, the energy started reflecting. Off walls, off doors, bouncing on tables, closing all windows. Through the room, I let my essence levitate. Till we were, but a few inches separate.

I stared at her face, she was beautiful. Even when delivering hard blows, she has always been.

Deep inside, my brain and my heart once again joined sides, and for the first time that evening, I had a warm smile. I had finally gotten there. I now knew the pain a bud undergoes before it becomes a rose.

“So this is it, you have my no. In case of anything. You know you can always holla...”

I was ready. The tingly feeling in my feet, I was lifting off. I felt high. If ever there was a time, this was it. I knew I could do it. The room slowly unfolded, once again I got control of my breathing. The air smelled much fresher, and the room much brighter.
I could smell roses and chocolates, my nose could pick out all different scents. I felt light touch my skin. Beyond the ceiling I could now see the sky. This time I wasn’t losing. Deep within, I was learning, I was getting, I was growing...

Again I looked beyond, I looked to the sky, then to the formless fabric between me and the door. It was different, It was never going to be the same. I knew where I had to go. I knew not what lay before me. I was sure of this, why? Because I was no longer going to walk...

I felt much lighter

I was going to fly...