To live in fear

To he who lives in fear

Every shadow watches and waits

To he who lives in fear

Every dark corner, terror creates

To he who lives in fear

Every face is filled with rage

To he who lives in fear

Every crowd, doomed to rampage

To he who lives in fear

Worry grips all muscles

To he who lives in fear

Every leaf rustles...

Reviews

[Ethan]

Nice rhythm. JayG's right (and will probably give you much better reviews than I) about your metrical feet in line 4. I think the same applies to line 8. Also, line 8 is a bit awkward and vague. Overall, however, this is a great start, and I look forward to reading your work in the future. Nicely done.

[JayG]

You're maintaining a theme well. And prosody is not bad, either, though you want to watch L4, Two problems:

First, "terror creates," is Yoda Speak, in that you forced the line to the needs of the rhyme, and it's a bit too obvious.

Next, all other lines have three feet, and it has four, because of placement and stress of "dark."

But that aside, well done.