Daily Memory

Daily Memory

 

I cannot bring myself to say

That you won't come back.

You might be gone

But I still feel you here next to me.

I can sense that you’re there

I can feel your presence

But even though you’ll

Never speak to me again

I still relive moments in my head

Still listening to what you once said

I never felt you leave me

I never saw you leave me

So why do I not see you

Anymore?

All I feel now

Is the kindness of your words

Of what you once said

Did you really say it once?

I can’t prove it anymore,

Now that you’re gone.

Sometimes

When it hurts real bad

I pretend for a moment

That you never left

I imagine what you’d say

If I said this or that

I do this daily

I speak to you daily

Because I miss you dearly,

At your funeral when I saw you still, unmoving

I wasn’t sure it was you

There was no smile on your face

There was no laughter in your closed eyes

There was no wisdom in your words

For you did not speak to me

I was, I am afraid

Because if you could be taken

Who should’ve lived forever

Who might still live

Then I, who am much lesser than you

Could be taken too.

If I close my eyes

I can imagine you there next to me

I can remember your voice

I can remember your words

But I weep because it gets

Harder and harder

With each passing year

To remember.

To remember what you looked like

To remember your voice

To even remember what you once said!

And so I grieve for my lost memories of you.

Wishing they were as untarnished

As you once were.

 

But you once lived did you not?

I fear each day,

That it was only a dream.

A happy, made up memory

Author's Note

I wrote this in the memory of my grandfather. It's been years since he died but I still desperately hold onto what I have left of him...even if it's just a memory.