Why Can't I

This is the only poem that I will try and explain, I normally leave it up to people to take what they want, but here I need to explain. This comes straight from me, the inners of my eating disorder. The anger and resentment it causes me to others who eat

 

They can chew the facts of life,

So why can't I?

They can walk, their shadows mere lines,

So why can't I?

They can feel free with food, but be smaller than me,

So why can't I?

They can count nothing but time,

So why can't I?

They can 'eat what they want' and still loose weight,

So why can't I?

They can be sickly thin, but eat healthily so,

So why can't I?

 

Why?

Because I am scared,

The unknown path to cloudy for me to see its end,

Making me fear what is around the bend.

Because I have worry, that if more I eat,

The more they will think that this battle is past defeat.

Because I know not

Of what I would do, if eating I could, with what and who?

Because I panic,

If one ounce is retained,

     worried that this means I truly gained.

Because I avoid

The few days it might take, for my body to conform,

      taking on a momentary new weight.

 

Because in the end,

   I feel that when I eat,

      I'm seen as 'well', but 'well' I don’t meet.

Because I am scared, that if food touches lip,

   my entire world will illogically slip.

 

Because I let myself want,

       but feel shame if I ever have.

 

-NN

Author's Note

An eating disorder is Hell, and as much as I fear leaving it, I beg of anyone who might come across this who is in a begining stage to get help now. Once you're in it long enough, it becomes your skin. Its just as hard to recover as it would be to literally rip your skin off. Please, seek help before you are so far off the rode of life, that you may never find it again.

Reviews

[He@ther!]

Wow!!:) I applaud you greatly on trying to come to terms with your eating disorder!!:) This was an awesome, well-written poem:) I wish you tons of luck!!!!:)