I forgive thee

This is a poem I wrote for my english class a year ago telling how the way my stepdad treated me for the early years of my life impacted how I am today and how I really do feel deep inside.

Love, Can it be felt by a shadowed heart, a blackened heart that only feels

anger and hate, a heart of which no light reaches, only darkness stays,

time and time again many say, a blackened heart is just like a normal one

just they feel hate, time and time I sit alone and think could things be

different if I believe.

 

Life, is it worth it anymore, to keep living in this bright lovey dovey

world, where only idiots rule, a life where there is nothing to look

forward to, time and time flows, yet I stay behind wondering what is the

point to this pathetic life.

 

A blackened shadowy heart that bleeds onyx black blood every time it is

loved or feels love, emotions of happiness and love ones he does not show,

pain is all he feels, Time and time he prays waiting to be gone from this

wicked place but no one answers why is no one there.

 

Look closer at the lonely beating onyx heart and what do you see, a

monster, a being that only feels hate and pain, a being that sits alone at

night and just thinks, maybe one day I will be as good as him or him, or

maybe one day I will be a god one that will be there when they need me

most.

 

The closer you get the more you see, take a look deeper as deep as you can

go and tell me what you see, a little boy hiding deep within waiting to be

free from this torment, each tear glistening from his black eyes falling

swiftly to the ground, how much pain would he have to endure, how much pain

will I feel.

 

Red crimson ruby red eyes like the fires of hell themselves pierce through

the never ending darkness, Time seeming to stop only becoming a never

ending clock where no time passes by, time flies all at once the boy

staring away the glistening tears fading away maybe one day, maybe one day

I will forgive thee but today I don’t think I wanna.

 

The salty tears flow a waterfall of pain in which he released from his cold

staring eyes, no use in hiding the being always find why not fight, the boy

takes a vow this shall be the last tear I cry, the time flies as the boy

stares feeling the tug on his heart as the darkness surrounds, taking away

all that leads the boys life.

 

Time passes by and the boy begins to grow turning into a boy of 17 years

old, he’s not scared anymore just a bit of hate and anger, the world

he blames, for the things inside, all that hide within begging to be free,

shall today be the day I show thee who I really am, or shall I just stay a

boy, scared and ready to be free.

 

A bottle hides deep inside, cracking with time his anger rising and rising

till one day he blows, will today be the day time for me goes, he stares

into nothingness still praying and waiting again no one answers, please is

someone there.

 

The bottle becomes filled more and more, cracks appearing along the glassy

frame, Happiness, friendship, love, all hiding in a row, sadness sits upon

the bottom waiting to be found, the cracks become deeper all waiting to be

free, is today my last day, oh please let it be.

 

Time and time again, here I stand an old man, I still have not forgiven

thee and here I stand near your burial, I will forgive thee now and realize

what had to be done, now I shall die a very happy man, today is the day,

the day I have been waiting for today is the day I finally fall, time takes

its gift along with me and my forgiveness is won and I am free.

 

Now here I sit in front of a class, now time passes by each second makes me

think, maybe I should lie, change my poem quick I am afraid of this, maybe

one day my fears will pass but today time shall fall and I shall read my

time to the class and let them decide am I worth their time or shall I just

fall and leave never to return to the time I have.

 

JD that is my name and yet you all just call me James, time for me fails

and I want to know what you mean when you call me crazy and maniacal and

mean, my time is done here and I shall walk away think about what I said

because I forgive thee.