Turning a New Leaf

Veronica, "Ron", is rediscovering herself, because although Will might've broken her heart.. she's finally decided to explore the parts of her that have been dying to emerge.

Monday: March 23, 2015 4:56pm

Dear *sophisticated journal, 

I always thought falling in love would be the best thing that could ever happen to me; until I fell in deeper than I ever imagined that I would. It’s nothing like what they say.. I would compare it to every novel of Nicholas Sparks or any film that would remind me that what I saw on screen or in writing, being nothing but a failed depiction of reality. They make it seem so profound, and desirable; that is until you discover the undeniable truth. Love is excruciatingly painful, but all at once.. it can make you feel like gravity is nonexistent. Like your whole world could fall apart at any minute and yet be pieced back together in seconds. These past couple of months I’ve been convincing myself that I have finally moved on, and yet it’s starting to really feel like I have. Which I guess I could say.. I’m turning a new leaf for once, which would be a surprise to everyone in my circle of importance, even myself for that matter. 

knock knock

Greaaaaat. For once I have the house all to myself.. or so I thought. Although that never usually happens, so I should’ve just assumed it was too good to be true. Yet privacy is a virtue in this household, especially when you add siblings into the picture. The whole thought of tranquility is corrupted by having brothers, in fact.. being the middle child apparently weighs heavier on the con side I’d have to say. Just from personal experience of course.. 

“Just one se-second!”

I slammed my sophisticated journal shut, and shoved it in my nightstand drawer, of course its only temporary.. personal thoughts obviously need a much better place to hide. But for now, it’’ll have to do. 

“Ron? I tried calling a few times but you didn’t pick up. I saw your pontiac outside, so I figured  there was a slight chance you were home, and I decided to pop in, and check on you. Nobody answered the door.. so I kinda just let myself in. I hope that’s okay..”

*Adam I guess is still at the airport.. but it’s been two hours, I wonder why it’s taking so long.*

And that.. that would be Jenna. It was definitely unexpected.. but yet I’m beyond relieved. We’ve been best friends since the start of my freshman year, and she’s the type to always show up unannounced.. especially if I don’t pick up the phone. But I prefer to call her Jen instead of Jenna… It sounds way too formal for my taste. She calls me Ron, although it’s short for Veronica.. no one has called me that since, well.. never. I’ve been used to it ever since.. and I’d like to keep it that way.

“Jen, you don’t have to knock. You barged right in through my front door.. my bedroom door doesn't exactly make any difference to you. Come in.” 

Jenna being Jenna, swung my door open and found herself a spot right next to me on the futon. She seemed oddly cheerful, which only meant that she was up to something. 

“Okay. Right. But at the same time.. I wasn’t entirely sure if you had left with Donna to the airport; so I had to double check because even if your car is parked in the driveway, that’s never a for sure sign that you’re home. And well.. Remember the last time I barged into your room? I’m not letting that happen again.. I’m literally scarred for life no-

“Alright, alright Jen. You’re getting off topic.”

I honestly wanted to avoid any discussion about him, but Jenna doesn’t exactly have boundaries. She’s always been better at brushing off break-ups anyways.. and I’m the complete opposite. Which would explain a lot. 

“- Gotcha. Like I was saying.. I knew she had some business extravaganza in San Francisco so I assumed when you didn’t pick up, that you either fell off the side of the earth or you had to be the one to drop her off. Seeing that your mother always needs a chauffeur anywhere she goes.. uptight twat..” Jen scoffed. 

I cleared my throat, holding back a somewhat repressed chuckle, “Alright, we get it. You don’t fancy my mother, and who does? But I’d rather you not refer to my mother as a twat. As ridiculously close to the truth as it sounds.. she did agree to take you with us to Europe in the summer. Lighten up a bit, she’s not that bad. So.. you were saying?” Still, I was holding back the laughter that was trying to escape through my perfectly sealed lips. But who was I kidding? Jen did have a point. 

“Anyways, enough of your mom.. we need to get you out of this room and out of those god awful clothes.. have you even changed or showered,” she scrunched her nose in a way that reminded me of a character in a Dr. Seuss book, and waved her hand in the air as if there was this invisible stench wafting right in front of her. 

She of course.. is the type to be brutally honest, even if you weren’t asking for it. And that, that was her putting it lightly. 

“No, I mean I am here aren’t I? I made Adam take her this time.. plus, I did not want to get stuck in the car listening to another one of her lectures. But yes, I have showered, and this tank and sweatpants I so happen to be wearing, have loads of memories.. Don’t you remember Amber’s slumber party? C’mon, why would I not want to wear this? It’s like remembering all the good times we had…” my voice trailed off, and my lips felt paralyzed as my mind flushed with everything I was trying to avoid. 

But that’s what I had needed.. anything that wouldn’t be another reminder of Will. I wanted any distraction that would allow me to forget that I ever loved someone like him. Rather it be another season of The Walking Dead on Netflix, or relishing in clothes that had some sort of sentimental value. 

“Well it’s time for an intervention. When is the last time you’ve gone out, and mingled? It’s been six months Ron.. I am no longer letting you be this couch potato you’ve become.”

She was right. I’ve given myself plenty of time to mend, and here I am wasting precious time that I could be using to make memories before graduation. Yet.. I’ve isolated myself to my bedroom for weeks, refusing to leave my sanctuary of confinement where I found refuge. But there’s a list of reasons why I couldn’t let myself leave.. there’s all the what if’s, and what could happen if I step foot into City Nights or Bourbon Street Cafe. But it’s time.. I don’t think I could even stand to stare at the same walls for another minute. 

“Jen, even though I hate to admit it when you’re right.. but I’ve got to get out of here.. I can’t last another day of my own thoughts. Let’s go.”

“Well.. not wearing that, you’re not..” smiling presumptuously, Jen immediately forced her way into my closet, “Don’t just sit there, get up and change.” Throwing clothes from left to right, this would be regret starting to slowly sink in..

****