Moving on Over You

A poem I wrote about how my friend fell out with me once I fell in love with him.

The ground was crumbling all around me, so I held onto you.
You gave me reason, a purpose.
My heart dropped when I saw you.
But, it hurt to see you.

When I wasn’t with you, I would be craving,
A constant throbbing craving, just wanting you for eternity.
But you rejected my love and heart spun and burst.
I combusted and burnt my heart, left black and rotten.

But now I see the only solution is to let you go.
I need to let go before I die, a painful death.
I’ll see you every day, but I can’t talk anymore.
I must let go, I need to let go, but I don’t want to.

I’ve been scarred, right through my heart.
But I need to get through the pain and become stronger.
Just as time makes you wiser, every crush makes you stronger.
But it burns like I was thrown in to a wildfire.

Author's Note

I'd prefer if you didn't focus on the grammar but more of how it made you feel, and how well I displayed how I feel. As well as anything you wish to include.

Reviews

[Allan Eddings]

This is the first piece of yours I have read, and I must commend you. It is an honest, emotive and well composed poem. I enjoyed particularly the recurring theme of love as having the characteristic of fire. It is an old analogy but nevertheless one no less true with age or continued use. And you use it without walking too much into the surreal or getting lost in imagery, instead the images are just backdrops to the emotions of the piece. An interesting approach, especially on this site where so many write to conjure up images - not that that makes their writing necessarily bad though it does make yours different.

It definitely makes me want to read more of your work, so that is certainly a good sign. I look forward to looking through the rest of your oeuvre and thank you for sharing.


Regards,
A.E.

[devon]

This was very nice.

I could feel the emotion.

I'd really like to read some more of your pieces! Let me know.

:)

[Vivere ad mihi, mi Deus]

This is really good, letting go is always the hardest. You have done well :)

[DreamWeaver 2154]

Bloody brilliant :) Even the second time reading this, I find something else in it that I hadn't seen before. Keep writing.

[Just Another Writer]

Very deep.. Good job conveying your emotions. I agree with the previous reviewer about the 'you' thing in the first stanza, but other than that.. a beautiful write. Nicely done! I hope to read more of your work soon.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

This was really great. I loved the way you put your emotions into words, It might just be that I'm half asleep (probably is) but I found it to be choppy in some places. Maybe it was just the first stanza, the way you used the word 'you' as the last word for three lines... hmmm... I'm not sure.

Other than that it's brilliant. I'd love to read more of your word, so send a reading request my way. Though I hope I'll be fully awake when I read the next one. *Sigh*