A Short Story
Composition
By Student
17866060
As he dumped his bag on the floor near the door he noticed he’d beaten his little sister home. He had to stay back for his Extension class so she should have beaten him home, not the other-way round. That was odd, but he didn’t worry about it. There was already so much on his mind. He shrugged it off thinking she was probably crouched behind some small wet bush teeming with life thanks to the rain from the first half of the day. She could get totally absorbed in watching some insect eating or procreating or fighting for its survival.
Sighing, he dialled James’ number. He hit the connect button, and hoped he would answer before he lost his nerve. “James, it's Ollie.”
“I thought it would be you.” James’s voice was so full of counterpoint that it seemed to imply something more than what was simply being said.
“Sorry about today,” Ollie said. He bit his lip against the tremor in his voice.
“Mmmm,”
“Can we talk about it?”
“You’re not afraid of what people will think? You aren’t going to act weird on me again?” Ollie could notice that he wasn’t necessarily forgiven quite yet. Sure Ollie had backed off, but who wouldn’t? People were so quick to label, and the label might not fit – probably didn’t fit- Ollie reassured himself.
Even if James was in the year above, Ollie wasn’t going to let himself be pushed around; he was only trying to sort things out. “So can we?”
“Yeah? You never said whether you wanted to play with us…”
”Yeah, that would be cool! I mean, if you’re still offering,” Ollie interrupted.
Laughter. “Okay then, come over tonight, and we’ll talk and I’ll try and help you out.”
“Mum works til late: down at the hospital. I have to stay here and look after my little sister, so I can’t…”
“Okay then, I’ll come to yours, I mightn’t be able make it ‘til after nine. Is that okay? Give you time to get your sister ready for beddy-byes anyway, right?”
Ollie felt somewhat reassured. “Yeah. ‘Course.” The casual tone he had aimed for came out as anxious and breathy. Quickly he continued hoping James didn’t notice: “Do you know how to get here?”
“Yep, I’ve know for a while,” again with the counterpoints. Ollie couldn’t help but be confused.
Hanging up the phone, his mind jumped all over the place. What had James meant: I’ve known for a while? Usually Year Twelves didn’t notice the Year Elevens, let alone know where they lived. It may have been the combination of excitement, anxiety and confusion, but Ollie felt indescribable, as if something had began to flutter in his stomach.
Confused, he wanted to call Morgan…ask her what she thought. Find out if she still believed what she had said. “I think he likes you, probably wants you to play in his band”.
He couldn’t call her though, not after the weekend.
Morgan had been his best friend for three years ever since he’d shown her around when she’d turned up at the start of Year Eight. They were close. She had an infectious chuckle laugh and was fun to hang out with, but, on the weekend, she had expected him to kiss her. Why didn’t he want to kiss her? Why hadn’t the idea of if thrilled him anywhere near as much as the flirtatious undertones in James’ voice?
“Forget it,” she had told him. “You don’t want ME Ollie. I don’t turn you on.”
He wished he hadn’t reacted the way he had. His mind had offered him excuses - she had wanted to touch you “there” – you weren’t comfortable. He shouldn’t have pulled back. No other boy would have pulled back when a half naked girl had tried to make it with him. No other boy that was normal, that is.
▬
Ms Debbi Dogood was the Head of Do-good’s Guardian Angels Agency, and it was her job to allocate each of her graduating students a possible charge. Her students would then have to prove themselves as a competent Guardian Angel, under her observation.
Sitting across from Michael: her first-ever male fairy-godfather, she couldn’t help but smile. She had gotten to know Michael very well. His sense of humour and his determination made him stand out from the other students. This was exactly the reason she had called him in to her office. She had a job that would require just those admirable traits.
Michael had recently graduated and become a “Fairy-god-father,” so she was now to give him his first charge: a small boy named Oliver.
▬
Feeling nauseous, Ollie tried to remember whether he’d eaten lunch.
He had: a sandwich. He’d gone to eat his sandwich alone. because he wasn’t ready to face Morgan and the rest of his friends. He was afraid she’d have told them. He hoped not though. Then, he wasn’t alone. The school’s “Musician Scholarship” winner had walked over. He recalled what had happened.
James carried himself with an air of confidence that made Ollie feel nervous. He knew who James was. It was hard not to when half the school population singled him out: calling him names. The rumour was that he was gay. He didn’t look gay to Ollie. He was tall and well built, with a smooth sense about him. He wasn’t feminine, and was a tiger on the soccer field.
Ollie was worried though. If people thought James was gay, they could think he was too; if they saw them together. Ollie had been confused enough after his weekend. He didn’t need anyone saying he was gay.
James introduced himself and asked if Ollie was interested in playing in a small band that he and a few other musicians had started.
“I don’t know”
“You don’t know what?” A small grin appearing at the corners of his mouth.
“Why you’re asking. I mean, is it just because I play the sax, or---?”
James had looked at him, “I didn’t ask you to go steady with me, Oliver…” he said. Then he was smiling, he didn’t even attempt to hide it. Smiling seemed to come so naturally to him, and Ollie liked it when he smiled. Then Ollie had been thrown of guard: “…just for a date.”
Ollie couldn’t see a funny side to the comment and blurted out that he had a girlfriend. He had heard his own lies, and knew that he had sounded awkward and unconvincing.
James had asked where Ollie’s supposed girlfriend was, and Ollie had tried to convince him that they had had an argument, and that they were giving each other some space. He felt clumsy and wasn’t sure James actually believed his lies.
At that point, a call come from across the playground.
“F*****s!”
It had made Ollie wince.
James noticed Ollie wince, sighed shook his head, and walked off.
Ollie had watched him go. He wanted to tell him to stop but when he tried to speak no words had came. That look? Had James known how confused he was? Had he seen right through his aversions? Did James pick up on something? Was he giving off some sort of scent?
▬
Michael looked in the mirror, a flash of recognition in his eyes, meant he was ready. He was sure that whatever was thrown at him he could handle. Smoothing a crease in his pants with an air of confidence, he smiled.
▬
Ollie looked at the clock. He was beginning to worry.
It was after four. Bonnie still wasn’t home. He decided he should look for her. Stopping off at his neighbour’s garden, where Bonnie had often hunted for bugs, he called her name. No answer there. Where could she be? Ollie tried to think.
He remembered, the previous year, Bonnie had made friends, with a little tomboy who had helped her gather moss and sticks for the terrariums, filled with little insects, that lined the shelves Ollie had built for her. Jo, the tomboy, had moved away at the end of the year, and Bonnie had let her keep their prize find, a small scarlet-coloured beetle, shiny as enamel, that she had found behind the school.
“It’ll be okay, BonBon. You’ll make another friend.” He had tried to chase her sadness away.
“No. I won’t. Jo was the only one like me,” she had said.
He had told her she was not that different, and that there were plenty of people in the world who liked bugs. Bonnie had shrugged it off saying that she didn’t believe him, but as long as he was her brother she didn’t care.
He had to find her. They would be lost without each other. Their father had left. Their mother often had to work late shifts, and was too tired when she got home to read picture books to a quiet little girl or play Uno with her. So it was Ollie who listened to the songs learnt at school. Ollie who pasted on the band-aids and kissed the scraped knees better; washed the favourite t-shirts and socks so they could be worn to play days.
By four thirty, Ollie decided to trace Bonnie’s normal route from school to home. He had convinced himself that his sister must have been sidetracked by a bug sighting.
He had only covered a few blocks when, his stomach sank. There one hundred metres in front of him was Brandon Howard, one of the most notorious bullies of his school. And he wasn’t alone. With him were several of his lackies.
▬
Debbi Dogood tapped her foot impatiently, she was beginning to worry. When she had suggested that Michael start right away she thought he might have done so, but there was still no sign of him.
The worry began to creep across her face. Should she help the boy? Deciding to wait, she wondered whether she had made the right decision.
As she watched, the group of boys moved in. A pack of hyenas, wanting to play with their food before they ate it.
Michael! Where are you?!.
▬
As soon as Ollie was noticed, the group turned their attention to him. Several made jibes at him for hanging out with James at lunch. Brendan answered for him, telling them James Penn and Oliver Skye were lovers. Hadn’t they heard?
Ollie’s first instinct was to retreat, but he couldn’t. He had to find BonBon. The conversation continued the group bouncing jeers between them as Ollie moved closer.
Did they really think he was James’ boyfriend?
As he got closer, Brandon stepped onto the path up directly in front of him. Ollie could see no alternative but to try bluff. “Hey guys, you haven’t seen my little sister have you?”
The small group laughed, and after several jibes about his little sister:
“Hey B, he must be out cruising for potential then.”
“Yeah watch him B; he might be sizing you up.”
What happened next, happened fast and, ended with Ollie knocked into a puddle. Brandon Howard’s lackies had decided that if Ollie wasn’t going out with James then he was on the market for someone, and therefore had insinuated that he would naturally want one of their own. Brandon, being as cocky as he was, thought that it was all too likely that Oliver Skye would want to jump his bones.
“You little fruit!” he snarled, shoving Ollie. “I’ll teach you to look at me like that!”
A moment or two later, Brandon’s lesson was cut short, a police-car turned into the street down several blocks and Brandon and his lackies bolted but not before, Brandon had grabbed the front of Ollie’s shirt and thrown him into a puddle.
Ollie swore. The puddle had soaked right through to his underwear. Looking up, he saw no police-car in sight, must have turned back off the street he thought. He didn’t understand how the whole situation had escalated so fast, or what exactly he was supposed to be learning when being pushed around like a ‘raggedy Andy doll’
▬
Letting out a sigh, Ms Dogood felt relieved. Michael had made it, just in the nick of time. Looking at her clipboard she noted to herself, the little stunt with the police-car. She was confident that Ollie was in good hands. And with that she was gone, busying herself with the duties of Head of Agency.
▬
“You alright, Ollie?”
Startled, Ollie looked up. He saw a clean pair of volleys, topped by spotless black jeans. They belonged to a tall, slender man. He had sandy brown hair, was neat, and was kind of handsome – almost pretty. The way he stood made Ollie aware he wasn’t hostile. Yet Ollie was confused when he had looked up: there had been no-one else in the street moments before.
The man offered Ollie a hand.
“Where the hell did you come from?”
The man hesitated. “My name is Michael, you can call me Mikey, but yeah basically I’m…your fairy godfather.”
Rolling his eyes cynically, Ollie assumed he was either making fun of him, or he was an escaped loony. After Brandon’s attack he wasn’t in the mood for either, and swore under his breath. He looked at the stranger, who seemed to be expecting some form of reply. He muttered, “Umm, thanks, anyways, I really ought to be going.”
He turned and began walking awkwardly towards the school. His wet pants and the weirdo slipping to the back of his mind.
He had a sister to find.
▬
Michael wanted to laugh at his own stupidity; of course the kid wasn’t going to respond well to being told ‘I’m your fairy-god-father’. Michael could tell Oliver Skye needed his help, but first he had to prove he wasn’t some “wack-job” and that he could help. Smiling he pondered his next mouth. Thinking done he sprung into the air, clicked his heels, and disappeared.
▬
Ollie did not turn around to see if he had been followed, instead tried to listen for foot steps and hearing none, concluded that he was to be left alone.
Nearing the turn off to the school, he thought about the ridiculousness of the stranger. Fairy Godfather? Ha! Yeah right. We all want to believe in fairy tales and magic and stuff like that, but the reality is...
It was impossible. There leaning against the fence as he rounded the corner was Michael. Ollie may have been thinking, but had still been alert to his surroundings and would have noticed the man overtake him. Not knowing what else to do, he stopped in his tracks. Surely there had to be an explanation for this.
“Okay, so you don’t believe me. I get that. I doubt I would if I were in your situation either...but yeah, I’m on your side kid. I guess that’s all I want you to know.” Michael had stopped leaning against the fence his body language relayed a sincerity Ollie could not ignore.
Ollie sighed. He was beginning to realise that most things in life didn’t really make that much sense. Confronting Michael he said, “Okay, so say you are my “Fairy Godfather”, right? Why are you only showing up now? There were moments when Bonnie and I needed you more than we do now.”
Michael thought how best to answer that question. He decided on demonstration. Without a thought, he winked his right eye, and dried Ollie’s wet clothing. “Well you weren’t at risk of pneumonia earlier…” he said, attempting to lighten the mood with humour.
Ollie, whose pants were now as toasty as if he had taken them fresh out of the drier at home, was more startled than amused. “What?! Was that…Whoa!”
Michael smiled. “I’ll make it short, then we better go collect that sister of yours. Firstly you gotta know one thing ‘A Guardian Angel may only interfere with your life if you are in need of direction, guidance, comfort or protection.’ – Secondly: we really don’t have enough Angels up stairs to go round. Its not much, buts it all I got.”
They travelled the next half of the block in silence, Ollie trying to make sense of everything. As they approached Ferdeshurst Primary, Ollie began to fret. What if she isn’t here?
▬
Her face was red. Sitting on chair outside the office, she felt as if she might combust at any minute. She had never felt so angry in her life. What made it worse was that her hand hurt, it wasn’t fair that she had to hurt and be angry too.
“Now, Bonnie, what’s your side of the story?”
Taking a deep breath she stood. What was she going to say? What had Chantelle said had happened? She didn’t want to get in trouble. Her mum didn’t need that, and she didn’t want to disappoint Ollie.
Bonnie had stayed back after school to help Mrs Kerner let the class project praying mantis out into the school garden. She had wanted to say goodbye to him. She had been the one to name him after all.
She had just said goodbye to Jackie, the praying mantis, when Chantelle came running over the road to tell her what gossip she had managed to find out.
“Your brother is Gay!” Chantelle shouted.
Bonnie had filled with anger. What would Chantelle know about her brother? She spun around and denied the accusation. “He is not!”
“My brother just said that he was; said he was having lunch with the boy everyone knows is gay. My brother said that your brother is a disgusting f*g.” Chantelle looked to be enjoying telling Bonnie this.
Bonnie, had lost her temper at this point and punched Chantelle. She had called her brother a f*g. The word made Bonnie so angry. It was filthy word. Ollie wasn’t a f*g.
Mrs Kerner had split them up. She had already heard Chantelle’s side of the story. Sighing, Bonnie decided to trust her brother’s advice, and tell Mrs Kerner exactly what happened – stick to the truth.
▬
“Your sister is in her classroom.”
Ollie raised an eyebrow. He knew Michael was trying to be helpful, but making such an announcement was just creepy.
Ollie decided not to ask just how he had known that. He really didn’t want to have to deal with the whole “Fairy God-father” thing right now if he could help it.
As Ollie went to open the door, Mrs Kerner was finishing with Bonnie. “Well, that was very nice of you to stick up for your brother, but violence doesn’t solve anything. Now, Bonnie, you’re not in any serious trouble, but you have to promise me you won’t hit anyone again. Young ladies don’t hit people, okay?”
Ollie opened the door, and, seeing his sister, swept her up in his arms. “There you are BonBon. I was starting to worry. You never made it home.”
As the sibling embraced, Michael slid into the room and made his way over to the teacher, explaining how they had been slightly worried when Bonnie had not come home.
“Sorry to worry you, Mr Skye. She was merely helping me here at school.”
Mr Skye! Ollie thought, she must have thought Michael was their father. He didn’t want to risk Michael explaining just who he thought he was to his sister’s teacher. A polite exit was probably a better idea.
As Bonnie left the room she knew that Mrs Kerner wasn’t going to tell her brother or her mum what had happened, and she wasn’t going to be in any trouble. Yet she knew that she should tell him herself. But just how can I tell him?
▬
As Bonnie joined them, she seemed to notice Michael for the first time. She had never seen the tall, slender man, who was dressed well but she could tell he was not a school student. She looked at her brother, then back at the stranger.
Knowing the questions that Bonnie was about to ask Ollie, Michael, hurriedly reached for an answer.
Then, he was there, in Ollie’s head. Don’t worry I’ve got it.
With that, Michael turned to Bonnie, his friendly voice began feeding her a story about him being a friend of Ollie’s from the conservatorium at which he studied. He explained that he had heard Oliver was good on the sax, and, wanting to learn more, had attached himself to Ollie.
Ollie let out a silent sigh of relief as Bonnie beamed with pride.
Michael continued, beaming. “Which reminds me… I’ve gotta sign for that saxophone I am borrowing to learn on, I’ll catch you later Oliver, Nice meeting you Bonnie.”
As they watched Michael walk off Ollie heard his reassuring voice in his head; I’m never too far away.
He took his little sister’s hand, and they headed home.
▬
Debbie Dogood, appeared beside Michael. “How’s it going Mikey?”
Michael smiled and began recounting what had taken place in her absence and what he had intended to do. With her approval gained and an encouraging pat on the back Michael set off again.
▬
“Here you go! Afternoon tea,” said Ollie placing the cookies and a glass of cordial down. Bonnie had come straight to her room after getting home from school, and the whole way home she had been quiet. Ollie was beginning to worry. This was out of character for his little chatterbox of a sister.
“I’m not hungry,” Bonnie said, concentrating hard on the movements of her bugs. Ollie had reason to worry now. Bonnie was always hungry. “Is everything okay, Bon-bon?”
The reply was unconvincing.
“So…what were you helping Mrs Kerner with?”
Bonnie sighed, and turned to look her brother in the eye. She swallowed, and began, “I wasn’t really helping her. I got into trouble.”
Bonnie had a way of dramatising things. It couldn’t possibly as bad as she made it seem. So Ollie rubbed the shoulder nearest to him. He told her he thought she may be over-dramatising.
No reply.
“What for?”
Bonnie turned away, ashamed.
Ollie, put his hand on her little leg. He remembered how she had thought it was the end of the world when she had got in trouble for rescuing the class’s ladybug colony by setting them free.
Then like a dam burst it came. “I punched Chantelle. She said you were disgusting, and that her brother called you a f*g, and, and… ” looking up, she trailed off.
Ollie turned away. He didn’t want her to see his face. His skin felt hot, and he was on the verge of tears. “You don’t have to stick up for me Bon-bon People say mean and untrue things all the time. Now eat up your afternoon tea.”
As he left her room, he’d turned back to see her eating her cookies. She would be alright now.
▬
In his room Ollie wasn’t getting anywhere. He’d tried to do homework but his mind was elsewhere. The thought of James coming over preoccupied his mind. It filled him with a nervous tingle. He struggled to make sense of his feelings.
Looking in the mirror, he realised that he may already know the answer. Could I be…
“Reflections don’t talk back, honey, and I don’t think he has that answer anyway.” Michael’s voice bounced back.
Ollie jumped, his heart barely recovering from the unexpected reply.
He knew who it was. How could he not hear that smooth voice and not know? Michael smiled as he sat down on Ollie’s bed.
“You called.”
Ollie denied it; he hadn’t done any such thing.
Michael moved to the edge of his bed, and looked at him with his warm understanding eyes. “Dude, you didn’t physically call out to me, but the whole little “I give up, I’m overwhelmed” Grammy-award-winning show with the mirror, that constituted a cry for help…”
Ollie sat down on the bed beside him. He had so many things to say, and didn’t know how to say them, or what to say first.
I am here to help, you know that right? came Michael’s reassuring voice in head.
“Am I gay?” Ollie asked.
Michael looked at him. Ollie could tell by his expression that he was trying to think of how to reply. Eventually Michael began: “This is probably not what you want to hear, but I can’t tell you that. You have to discover that for yourself. As your fairy god-parent I can help you, but can’t tell you… I have a question for you: Would it matter?”
Ollie didn’t have an answer.
Michael remained silent, watching Ollie as his mind raced. Why did Ollie fear being gay? The same reasons he had, once upon a time..?
And like that, Michael was inside his own mind, thinking - remembering. Flashes of hate reminded him of scars that had taken so long to heal. F****t! You’re going to hell! You’re disgusting!
“I don’t want to be a freak?”
Ollie’s voice was little more than a whisper, but it snapped Michael from his memories.
“I just want to be normal… to fit in… to know that I’m not so alone… to know that I can walk down the street without somebody singling me out.” Ollie was trying hard not to get emotional about it, but his voice began to tremor and he refused to make eye contact with Michael.
All Ollie had ever seen or heard about gay people was that they lived lonely lives, their families disowned them, they got beaten up in back alleys and died of AIDS.
Michael frowned. He could tell that Ollie’s words were driven by genuine fear. “Ollie, there is no normal, everyone is different. Everyone has something special that makes them unique. This doesn’t mean they don’t belong or they don’t fit in. Of course there are always going to be people to look at whatever it may be that makes you different, or you, and point it out… People get singled out for being… too tall… too short… too fat… too thin… too black… too white. All the time. But despite all of that you are never alone; there are others like you, others who understand you, who love you….”
How did Michael expect him to believe him? Others like him? If he was gay he would be alone. The only gay guy he knew was James and maybe his hairdresser. Everyone else was straight, his friends, his doctor, his butcher…
Are you sure?
“Stop that!” Ollie was angry, Why did Michael have to get inside his head?
Michael apologised. He knew that didn’t make Ollie feel any better. He moved to the mirror. After looking himself up and down, and approving of his own reflection, he moved towards the door. As Ollie watched him effortlessly move from one side of the room towards the other, Michael instructed him to follow.
Leading Ollie out through the kitchen Michael explained: “My friends and I used to talk about what it would be like if every gay person in the world turned blue for a day – so that the straight people would stop pretending that they didn’t know any gay people, so that they could see not all gays are big “queens” and they were everywhere. They’d have to face the fact that they had gay workmates, gay children, gay cops, gay teachers, and gay soldiers and… the hiding would stop.”
Ollie nodded. The only thought in his head was: would I be blue?
▬
“All right, close your eyes,” Michael said as they got onto the escalator.
Was this a joke? Ollie, didn’t understand why he should close his eyes, and stared blankly at Michael. What was Michael going to show him, if he had his eyes closed?
Michael let out a sigh. He had only being trying to spare him.
Moments later, Ollie couldn’t see. The world had suddenly become very-very bright. It hurt to keep his eyes open. Closing his eyes and opening them again, he was startled. There two stairs up from him on the escalator was a blurred Michael.
Then his eyes adjusted. Michael was blue! Not just blue, but a blue that jumped out at you. Turning quickly to see if anyone else was looking at him, he noticed a business woman going down on the escalator beside him was a light shade of blue. He gasped, “You did it?…the blue thing…you made …blue.”
Michael laughed, and winked. Ollie and he were the only one with ‘the sight.’ As they neared the top of the escalator he said, “It’s my gift to you, Thought it might help you understand that even if you were gay, and I’m not saying you are, you wouldn’t be alone.”
Michael led him through the food courts, and past the shopping centres. About a quarter of the people they saw were some shade of blue, some bright blue like a sunny day, others a pale blue. The grocer, a friend of his mother’s, looked like a blueberry whilst, too his surprise, his hairdresser was not blue, but rather his prissy pink self.
They walked into the bookstore. Michael went off to find something; Ollie was still marvelling at what he could see. As he looked around the world wasn’t drastically different, but some of the people that walked past were blue! Azure blue, Sapphire blue, Clear Day blue, Pale blue, Blue! He wanted to laugh as he saw his English teacher Mr Collins standing at the counter looking as if he had bathed in blue loo.
“Stop staring,” Michael said, winking at Ollie, and handing him an encyclopaedia. Ollie wasn’t sure what to do with it, and stood there puzzled. After a dramatic eye-rolling Michael opened it up for him.
Right there, was a very blue depiction of Alexander the Great. “Alexander the Great was gay?”
Michael turned to a mother who had turned to look at Ollie, “Kids these days!” he said with a laugh. Winking at Ollie, he suggested they head home.
As they walked out of the shopping centre Ollie tried to see his own reflection in shop windows. To his surprise he had a slight tinge of blue. “So what do the different shade’s mean?” he asked.
“Well, those who are a heavy blue are exclusively gay, those who have lighter shades are less committed, or bi-sexual, and those with really light hazes…“ He looked Ollie up and down, “…are confused little puppies, who are yet to figure out what they are.”
Michael grinned at him. Ollie couldn’t help but return the smile.
If nothing else this guy made him feel better about his confusion. He went back to studying passer-bys.
Half way home he turned to Michael who strutted along in a fabulous blue. When they’d been down town Ollie hadn’t really taken in the fact that he was blue. Moments later he found himself giggling. My fairy god-father is a fairy, literally.
He was too busy to notice Michael was smiling.
▬
The phone was ringing, Ollie ran through the kitchen and pulled it from the wall. It was his mother.
She was doing her nightly check-up to make sure that he and Bonnie were okay. He told her they were, and told her they were just going to get a pizza for dinner tonight because one of his friends was coming over. Then she had to get back to work.
Michael had sat on the side board whilst Ollie was on the phone. He decided to offer to collect the pizzas. He figured this would allow Ollie to go to his sister. Michael knew, of course, what had taken place earlier that day He hadn’t said anything to Ollie about it because he knew that Ollie’s conscience was telling him exactly what he needed to hear.
Ollie went to check on Bonnie. She usually wasn’t so quiet and he doubted she’d been out of her room since she had been home. He knocked softly on her door. “Bon-bon? It’s just me. Can I come in?”
No reply.
He opened the door. She had fallen asleep with the walkman he had bought her for her birthday on. He looked at his little sister. She and he were so close. He wondered what she would think if he were gay.
Shortly after Michael dropped the pizzas in, He wasn’t going to stay for dinner, He was hoping Ollie and his sister would do some talking.
▬
It was the quietest dinner they’d ever had. Ollie was used to Bonnie chewing his ear off, and asking him questions about his day, but she seemed distracted as she gnawed at her pizza supreme. “Is everything okay, Bon?”
“Yeah,” she said dismissively. “Can we stay up late and watch a movie tonight?”
“Not tonight Bon-bon, I have to do some homework and then my friend’s coming around, rein check? “
Bonnie stopped munching, “A girl friend?” She was unsure what she wanted the answer to be. She had been thinking about what Chantelle had said. It really wouldn’t matter to her if Ollie was gay. But if he was and hadn’t told her… that was worse than lying… that was keeping secrets from her. Bonnie didn’t want to lose her brother.
Ollie could feel his hands beginning to sweat. He began to nervously explain. “No, its just my friend James...he is coming to hear me play sax… he has a music group and I couldn’t go over to his place so he could tell me if he wants me to join.”
Bonnie felt a pang of guilt, “Because of me?” It was funny how her little mind worked. Ollie replied with a shrug, “If I wanted to go I’d take you with me, Shadow.”
Bonnie smiled. His friends had called her “his shadow” because she used to have to come along with him to the movies and they’d have to see ‘family movies’ instead of the ‘new actions’, or ‘horrors’.
▬
Bonnie was still awake when the doorbell rang. She couldn’t sleep; Could Ollie be keeping secrets?
▬
Ollie’s heart raced. Taking a deep breathe he looked in the mirror, In the reflection he saw Michael winking back at him. Breathe kid, Breathe. Then he was gone. Ollie felt slightly more relaxed and opened the door.
James was standing there, in a pair of jeans and a snazzy button up t-shirt. Ollie had never seen him outside of school, and admired his dress sense. He smiled nervously, commenting that he looked nice out of uniform.
James grinned, “Do you mean I don’t look nice in uniform? ”
Ollie blushed that wasn’t what he meant, and James knew it. He had said it without thinking. That’s much better than school uniform! You idiot!
Ollie told him to make himself comfortable and went to get them both a drink. When he returned James was looking through the sheet music that littered the coffee table.
“So, you wanted to hear me play, right?”
James nodded, his attention fixed on Ollie.
Ollie liked his smile. Getting carried away looking at the way his lips sat softly together, he forgot just what he was supposed to be doing. His skin began to feel hot, he was blushing. The colour in his cheeks was hot.
As he clumsily began looking through his music, for the piece he had wanted to play for James, he was interrupted:
“You don’t have to play right away, you know, you can sit and talk til your not so nervous?” James patted the seat next to him on the couch.
Ollie tried to laugh it off, denying nervousness, but, his voice had given him away, abandoning him halfway through.
James, watched Ollie slowly. His smile almost taunting him. “Do I make you nervous?”
“No, it’s just…I don’t know why you want to hang out with me.”
James continued to smile. “Well, I heard you were great on the sax, for one…and… I thought you might be interested in playing with some of the guys and me… That and I think you’re cute.”
James was so upfront. Ollie could feel his skin heat up again as he struggled to think of what to say. James continued before Ollie could say anything. “You also are pretty confused right now, if I’m not wrong… I guess I wanted to let you know that…you can talk to me if you’d like.”
James watched Ollie, trying to decipher what he was thinking. Underneath all the smiles, confidence and concern were fighting for control Maybe he was talking to much. Maybe he shouldn’t have told him he thought he was cute.
Ollie turned away. Was he wearing a sign around his neck? Everyone seemed to know that he was confused. “How do you know that..?” he began slowly, his voice nearly fading into whisper.
James shrugged, trying to explain that it was just something he could tell. “I guess I just recognised something. Don’t worry about it…It’s just the way it is. Everybody seems to know before you do.”
Ollie joined him on the couch. His heart was beating fast and his stomach was all a flutter. James smiled at him. Yet again Ollie found himself looking at James’ lips. Quickly he struggled to find something to talk about. The song on the radio changed. Jazz!
Adopting the most casual tone he could he asked whether James liked it.
Ollie talked about jazz. He was so nervous he couldn’t stop. Though Ollie’s babbling didn’t seem to worry James. Soon Ollie felt reasonably comfortable and asked about the band.
Some time later, when they had reached a lull in conversation. They both eased back, listening to a crooner classic –Fly me to the moon.
James felt comfortable. This was his song. His mother used to put it on whenever his father would be due home late from work and he could dance around however he wanted without fear of criticism. He wanted to sing along, but worried what Ollie would say, instead shifted position on the couch.
Ollie could feel James against his shoulder. Low charges seemed to travel from James’ skin, through their clothes, and cause his body to tingle. He didn’t dare move. He didn’t want to move.
Could it be? People at school asking him? Bullies telling him he was? Michael showing up? Bonnie defending him when someone had called him a f*g, but her eyes still asking whether he was. Did everybody already know what he did not?
It happened so fast. Out of nowhere he had kissed James. He had wanted to see if there would be some sign, anything. He could have stopped if he wanted to. I don’t want to stop, I think…
He could taste the coke they’d been drinking sweet on his lips, The warm stickiness of James lips began to erase all possibility of any other thought. . It was a strange sensation, like the sun tickling the buds of a spring flower, natural and urging it to open.
As his eyes closed, all he saw was blue.
▬
Bonnie dived into bed. She was sure she must have been heard.
Did that really just happen? She had crept past Ollie and his friend into the kitchen and got herself a drink. As she had quietly walked back past, she had seen them kissing. Ollie had been kissing another boy?!
She had been so startled she let out a gasp of shock, and then ran up the hall into her room. She lay there not sure what she felt.
▬
Ollie opened his eyes, and felt his hand go up to his lips. He really had just done it: kissed another boy.
James was stunned, He hadn’t expected that. He had wanted it, but hadn’t expected it. James looked at Ollie in disbelief, his cheeks were hot and he was short of breathe. “I had better be heading off soon, it’s getting late.”
Ollie agreed, though neither of them moved.
James laughed, “Thanks for inviting me over, I had a good time. I’ll see if it’s okay with my folks that we have a band meet tomorrow night at my house so you can meet everyone if you like?”
Ollie nodded following him to the door. As he closed the door on James’ back. He still couldn’t believe what had just happened. I kissed another boy?!
▬
It was ten o’clock when he’d walked up the hall to go to bed and noticed Bonnie’s door wasn’t shut properly. He pushed the door open, checking she was okay. She lay facing away from the door, and Ollie thought she must have been asleep. As he went to close the door she spoke.
“Is he gone?”
“Who?”
“That boy, your friend.”
“Yes, you need to get some sleep. School tomorrow”
“I saw you kissing”
Ollie Flinched.
Ollie sat down on her bed, not knowing what her reaction to what he had to say would be.
“I’m sorry – I don’t want to be gay, I was hoping I wasn’t, and then…” Bonnie reached for brother’s hand. She heard in his voice that he was almost crying.
“Don’t cry, Ollie, please don’t cry. It’s okay, I’m not angry…”
Ollie took his sister’s hand and he lay down with her as he did when she had night terrors.
“I wasn’t lying to you, Bon, I didn’t know”
Bonnie hugged him.
“I still love you, you’re still Ollie, and you’re still my brother…still the same Ollie.”
Ollie looked at her,. Her green trusting eyes told him how wonderful she thought he was.
“It’ll be okay. You can’t help what you like. I can’t help it that I don’t like silly parties and dollies like other girls, but instead I like bugs, but that’s okay. You like boys, and that’s okay too. I guess we are both different.”
Ollie wiped his eyes on his sleeve, and laughed. “I love you BonBon” She had reduced something he though was the biggest issue in his life down to “bugs and boys” talk.
▬
“N’awww ”, was Debbie Dogood’s reaction to Michael’s recounting of Ollie and Bonnie’s late night conversation. Michael smiled to himself proudly: he had known Ollie was a good kid from the start, and he’d just loved his sister.
Debbie smiled at him. “Michael you’ve done yourself proud, a fine Fairy-god-father indeed.”
▬.
Ollie, slid his arm out from under his still-sleeping sister and made his way out to the kitchen. As he poured a glass of juice he saw the sun rise over the houses outside. “Morning Mikey.”
“Well you’re on the ball today. I was worried I’d scare you and you’d wake your household up.” As Michael and Ollie stared at each other an unspoken thankyou passed through the air.
Michael laughed softly, his warm and friendly smile finding its way back to his face. “I’ve got something to show you. “
Michael led him into the hall, and stood him in front of the mirror.
Looking in the mirror, Ollie saw one thing: himself. There was Oliver Skye, blue as a summer’s day.
In the reflection he could see no Michael. He had wanted to share with him this feeling. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he felt fantastic. Blue suited him.
He couldn’t be happier. But he better be sure not to tell the world that he was ‘happy being blue’ – they may assume he was dosed up on hallucinogenics...
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