Mess

Absurdist,style,play written,for,postmodern,extension,english

[The stage is dimly lit, in the centre is a park bench, which underneath face down lies “SALVADOR” on the left hand side is a coat rack, with a top hat and a gum boot on it, and on the right is a street lamp, with dim fairy lights spiraling down it… as the sound-scape, of car crash - Salvador to raises his head]

SALVADOR: ah! My acquaintance [pans the audiences]…acquaintances…..
You do know you could have just knocked… and not taken out the whole wall…
[He scowls at the lack of response and slams his head on the ground repeatedly (note this is a perfectly normal action for Salvador and should be played as thus)

{Enter “man with lantern”}

MANWITHLANTERN: So, im here to shed a little light on the subject
[Turning to SALVADOR, so the lantern light hits him, and he stops banging his head]

SALVADOR: Must I be plagued by punery of such nature…

MANWITHLANTERN: Was merely a figure of speech

SALVADOR: Im sure it did not at all cross your mind that, you were carrying a lantern, a tool with prescribed use of “shedding light” at the point at which you said…

MANWITHLANTERN:  I know what I said….slugador

SALVADOR: of course, but did you know that you are carrying a lantern, did you just call me slugador?

MANWITHLANTERN: I believe I did…. [Silence, SALVADOR wriggles out from under the bench, like a slug] ….my god! IM CARRYING A LANTERN! [Drops the lantern] why didn’t you tell me…

SALVADOR: good sir, you who have no heard a single word I have said…

MANWITHOUTLANTERN: [interrupting] well?  THERE IS NOTHING GOOD OR BAD BUT THINKING MAKES IT SO! …. [Awkward pause] I have heard a word or two…

SALVADOR: [stands up, turns to the audience] what do YOU say, the nameless gentlemen really heard a word I said, the whole time I was talking, what does he mean by intruding on us…maybe….no…but….does this space….do I even need to ask these questions…. {Beginning to get frustrated with the audience}

MANWITHOUTLANTERN: [hits SALVADOR over the head with the gumboot off the coat rack,] god I hate slugs… (Begins to drag Salvador back to the bench)

{Enter a woman with a large feathered hat on…she has a ladies dress, a ladies parasol…and one glove…}

WOMAN:
Words aren’t for the page, they are for the tongue  to be said and then lost, the principal reality of all things is that humans are gifted with the capability for speech but not necessarily the talent , they are capable of spouting word after word to express thought or feeling that say an action or  gesture could express more primitively….

[She stops, takes of the hat and throws it center stage. Running to the very front of the stage she squeals and then as if fighting some unseen force, struggles whilst dragging herself towards the hat... where she picks it up once more]

The human should not speak unless it can use the language without massacring the words, the man should not speak unless spoken too, and the thoughts should not be expressed if they are offensive and intrusive whilst the dog may bark at the passing car and the bird may sing to itself. Who is to say that language is language, that what the word means, is what the word means….

[The car crash sound, the lamppost lights up- the woman falls onto her back, losing the hat, and Salvador looks up]

SALVADOR: ah! My acquaintance [pans the audiences]…acquaintances…..
You do know you could have just knocked… (Trails off)

[He scowls at the lack of response and slams his head on the ground repeatedly…..the woman, stands, stumbles around dazedly, and then looks at SALVADOR]

WOMAN: [shrieking] A SLUG!!!!

SALVADOR: I am not a slug! [Stopping banging his head, and standing once again, he turns his back to the audience and begins sobbing]

WOMAN: oh sir, don’t cry, if you cry you may eventually flood the room, and my socks would get wet…

SALVADOR: I am neither Alice, nor are you wearing socks…

WOMAN: OF course your not Alice, im Alice…im Alice, and Judith and Montana, and Constance, and Ruth and…

SALVADOR: you are not all those people….

WOMAN: [interrupting] AND Kathryn, and Elizabeth and

SALVADOR: Virginia Woolf?

WOMAN: [blinks, grabs herself tightly and repeats] I am happy living in a world of illusion I am happy living in a world of illusion I am happy living in a world of illusion…..

SALVADOR: [goes over to the park bench and sits on it] Alice, come sit down

ALICE: [sits down] such a comfortable door…

SALVADOR: it’s a bench…

ALICE: [confused] it’s a door

SALVADOR: no…it’s a bench…

[In walks the MANWITHOUTALANTERNBUTWITHALLTHEANSWERS]

MANWITHALLTHEANSWERS: ill tell you what it is….

[ALICE AND SALVADOR looks at each other panic stricken then covers each others ears with their hands]

BOTH:  wait! No!

MANWITHALLTHEANSWERS: [sits down and starts crying] all I wanted to say was that to Alice it’s a door, because she was brought up thinking it was a door and that’s her reality, and to Salvador it’s a bench, because that is how he was brought up and….other than that there are no answers!!! Okay, the whole gig blows…I have all the answers…but there are more questions with no answers…..and…

[during his little speech, 4 people, dressed only in their underwear have entered and surround him…as they lift him up, and take him off stage they giggle a lot- as soon as they are off stage the car crash sound happens again and SALVADOR flings himself backward over the bench and onto the ground, Alice flops onto the bench and seems to go to sleep – the lamppost goes out…]

SALVADOR: ah! My acquaintance [pans the audiences]…acquaintances…..
You do know you… (Trails off)

[He scowls at the lack of response and slams his head on the ground once]

I have the astounding sensation I have done this before….

[He takes off his shirt] I have done this before….too

ALICE:[with her eyes closed] of course you have done that before….everyone has done that before….most things have either been done by one of us, or someone else, there’s nothing left to do….

SALVADOR: ….oh? [Resumes hitting head]

ALICE: [opens her eyes, wolf whistles then closes them again] I think you may have just seen my fantasy before

SALVADOR: what do you mean?

ALICE: what does anything mean?

SALVADOR: that’s a stupid question!

ALICE: then give me a stupid answer.

SALVADOR: no! The only answer I have is, that it means something different to me as it does to you……whatever it is

ALICE: Do you think it’s my other glove?

SALVADOR: [scoffs] that would be convenient

[The lamppost comes on, under it stand the a woman dressed in fishnets (Nyssa) and flirting with members of the audience]

SALVADOR: Oh, hello…

ALICE: ADAM! Don’t look at that serpent!

SALVADOR: what?

ALICE: don’t take a bite of her juicy fruit.

SALVADOR: what are you…wait a minute…I wouldn’t…would I

ALICE: (notices audience…and starts crying) they saw it too… they know how the story goes.

NYSSA: [notices Salvador] you, come closer…

SALVADOR: [glares at Nyssa, moves towards Alice] you’re crying because of me?
ALICE: no….I….

[Music – seductive “les miserable w***e’s song “Lovely Ladies” select parts sung by Nyssa…


Lovely ladies
Waiting for a bite
[at this point she opens her corset, and there is a tattoo of an apple on her stomach]
Why not try tonight
Lovely ladies
ready for the call
Standing up or lying down
or any way at all
Bargain prices up against the wall


SALVADOR: Alice! Quick the door, under the door.

Lovely ladies
waiting in the dark
don’t you want to try one
come and leave your mark
[Rubs stomach]

SALVADOR: The door!

Long time short time
any time, my dear
Cost a little extra if you want to take all year!

ALICE: The door? My door, or your door?

Lovely ladies,
I stay just for my song
one chance lady…
I never stay for long!!!!

– during this song, a rabbit has entered the stage…its white and wears a vest…it at first runs back and forth across the back of the stage…then…it runs around ALICE and then straight at NYSSA – picking her up and running of stage…her final note is sustained until ALICE leaves]

ALICE: Wait! I… WAIT!!!! [Runs off stage]

[The lamppost begins to get brighter and dimmer a sort of throbbing…as the final speech is delivered]

SALVADOR: [wanders to the centre at the front, and begins to mime a wall…after a while he sits down and turns his back on the audience]
Alice…you in here?
ALICE!
JUDITH!
MONTANA!
CONSTANCE?!
RUTH!
Am I here?

[the stage goes black… cue the reversed sound files of a car crash…it should be a distorted irrecogniseable sound….when the lights come back on……the lantern man is sitting with his lantern between his legs, and the w***e is leaning against the pole… enter Salvador in Alice’s dress….carefully picking up the feathered hat…and walks off stage…