This is not a Story

This is more of a journal entry than anything.

This isn't a story. This is insomnia. I can't sleep, so I figured I would write.

Really, I have nothing to complain about...and I have nothing to be losing sleep over. Yet, the thoughts won't stop flowing through my mind. 

I'm actually not very good with words. Here and there, I can write something that some people can connect with...but other than that, I'm not really a writer. I love to write, but I'm not a writer. I'm just a 21 year old girl who overthinks everything and tries to make something of it by writing. 

I had a thought. I want to be a writer, but how can I be a writer when it feels like everything in the world that there is to write about has already been written? I want to write something that's never been written before so I can separate my work from the rest of the world's. I'm sure that's what any artist wants, but I realized something. Although the same topic has been written about several different times, every person's experience with that topic is different. You make your writing your own by the details. It's the little things. It's always the little things. Blink 182 was right..."All The Small Things". It makes sense...and I really do notice the little things in every aspect of life. Actually, that's a lie. There are some things that I can probably go the rest of my life without ever noticing, but certain little things really capture me. I'm sitting here and tying to think of a little detail in life that I've noticed, and I can't even think of what to describe. I guess I'll start with actions. I don't want to be cliche and say that actions speak louder than words, because that would make me just like the mother/father figure in your life. I'm not trying to teach you a life lesson, I'm just trying to explain what is going through my mind. I have so many specific memories of the smallest actions that someone has made, simply because I put meaning to their actions. 

In high school, I was head over heels for this boy. He was my best friend, and for a while, we had a love triangle going on. I guess you could say it was your typical high school "love story"...come on, we all have one of those, right? Or at least a high school crush that you'll never forget. Anyways, one night, we were watching a movie and he was lying next to me. An intense/emotional suicidal scene of the movie was approaching, and this boy covered my eyes with his hand so that I wouldn't have to see. I'm sure he didn't think anything of it, but I remember my insides shivering because of how much that little action meant to me. It was like he was trying to protect me, or comfort me. Maybe he sensed that I was entering an emotional state of mind during this scene of the movie and he felt the same feelings. I don't know. Like I said, I'm a 21 year old girl who overthinks everything and tries to make something of it. That was the smallest action, and so many other things happened that night that would maybe be considered much more memorable in someone else's eyes...but when I think about him, I think about that particular night. Because that little action meant the world to me, and that was over four years ago. Four years ago, and that moment is still embedded into my memory. He's still my friend today, and I wish I could thank him for that moment. He made me feel like what I was feeling actually mattered, and I never felt that way before. I never thought my emotions were important and I never thought I was worthy of being soothed. Like many other moments in life, this moment was a point in time. A point in time that will not be forgotten.