Break me.

Ehhh.

 

            As I lie in bed waiting for the cold medicine to take effect, I begin to think about her. The one who can take everything and make it seem all right. The one who took my heart and broke it into pieces. The one I can’t help but go back for more.

            Is she mad at me? Am I not saying the right things? Did I do something wrong?

            I begin screaming at her in my head, choosing my words carefully so that each one stings. I don’t get violent physically. I could never hurt her beautiful face, or any part of her.

            Why me? I’ve changed so much for you, to accommodate you. You don’t like to talk on the phone so we text and I hate it. I know it’s not only me you text. Him. He’s there. It’s asking too much to give him up, eh? What about me? Would it be too hard to give me up?

            I feel myself getting angrier and angrier. I want so badly to yell at her. I want it so bad I begin to picture myself yelling at her. Screaming as loud as I can; the words I can never say aloud.

            Someone walks by. I half wish they would come in and see me, as I have now taken to sobbing. But they don’t, and I’m glad.

            You took everything from me. My hope. My faith. My sanity. My heart. My life. You say we need to have lives outside of each other. You do. I have one. I particularly like it. It’s you that’s addicted to your phone, only talking to me and him. Won’t make any friends at school because you’re too shy. Now you’re convinced it’s too late.

            Spasms occur. I’m banging my arms on my mattress and rolling around, trying to be as quiet as my sobs will allow. I cough a couple times but that’s okay. I’m sick. No one will know.

            Today you didn’t tell me that you loved me. You make it seem like I’m the only one at fault. Then you make up for that by making me pity you, and telling me things like how you want everything back. Then ignore me.

            I’m clutching my sheets. My eyes are shut tight. Even if they were open, I couldn’t see anything. My light is off. Paramore is playing but I don’t hear it. I’m thinking too loud. I can’t tell if the medicine is kicking in… I don’t feel tired. But I’m not awake.

            I’m done with everything. I’m done with you. I don’t care anymore. It hurts too much to love you. You keep beating me down and pushing me away. One of these days I’m just going to be gone. I won’t come back.

            I’m lying sideways on my bed. On my back, tears are still pouring. I’m done with thrashing around. I only feel stupid and it doesn’t make me feel better. I reach for my pillow and scream into it. I hope no one hears me. No activity outside. No one did.

            I picture myself running into her arms, gathering up her fragile body and holding her close. Breathing in the scent of her. I’ll never forget it. It’s faintly of baby powder. I love it. It’s her. My best friend. My sister. The one who breaks my heart and I come back for more.

            I grab my backpack; pull out a pen and paper and being to write.

Reviews

[WriterMe]

This was so beautiful and sadly, heart breaking at the same time.
It had so many emotions, it felt very real. I loved the choice of words. A very good job. I'll be reading more from you. =]