Guess

I’ve known you since I was 11. 

We met at J’s house,

Do you remember? 

My curiosity 

My cat paws

When you showed up I couldn’t breathe. 

I had a hard time swallowing those sourdough pretzels like George. 

I had to wash it down with Fresca

We were playing Hangman

and didn’t even know it. 

There was laughter and excitement as you drew those lines 

And you looked at me and said,

“Guess.” 

(13 years later) 

I still remember that. 

I remembered it last night 

When I had my hand in another girls hand,

I mean woman,

I forgot I’m almost twenty-four.

I remembered it after I knew she could tell

how distant I was internally 

by the way my hand rested in hers. 

30 minutes prior In the back seat, I remembered it. 

2 years ago in the front seat, I remembered it.

5 years ago in California, I remembered it.

7 years ago on the back porch of an abandoned house, I remembered it.

9 years ago in my basement, I remembered it.

and 12 years ago, when 'Get Busy' was on repeat while I was playing truth or dare, I remembered it.

It exists around me at all times,  

These are just specific.

“Guess.” 

I’ll never forget you,

You know everything about me 

I’m exposed when you’re around  

My walls are down

I’m not being poetic.

It sounds cheesy, 

But its not antics. 

I trust you 

No anxiety 

I don’t panic 

I’ve watched you grow up 

and change through the seasons.

Winter 

Spring 

Summer 

Fall 

You always kept up with me 

And adjusted to my changes

We could do this forever.

 

“Guess.” 

You came to J's house a lot back then.

I was young, but I gave my whole self to you 

from day one.

You were the best,

I just knew. 

I remember when we had that chance alone

we pulled our pants down and I blushed

because we were semi-nude 

Do you remember? 

“Guess.” 

We were semi-nude.

I remember you standing there and

Without words I heard, 

“This is all for you.”  

I heard, 

“Anything you tell me to do I’ll do.” 

I heard,

“I’m the only one who can give this to you.” 

I heard,

“Every time you choose to be with me I’ll make everything new.”

But now I hear,

“You don’t need her”

Now I hear,

‘You don’t need you” 

Let me reiterate

Last night, while I was numb and

Semi-nude in the backseat, 

I had a flashback to 2002

When I saw you for the first time.

I already knew what you were saying

Thirteen years ago 

When you said,

“Guess.” 

It had nothing and everything to do with Hangman.

It was foresight.

You asked me to make a prediction,

a prophecy. 

You asked me to calculate,

estimate the cost.  

I wasn’t too young to understand. 

I waved bye bye as my innocence left and my eyes became black

And when J’s mom went upstairs 

We took those steps 

There were four letters:

_ _ _ _                    

It was my name, 

But I chose not to answer. 

Pause, 

No more fourth wall 

I’ve been effected and affected in four dimensions 

and I need to say sorry for this infection 

thats passing to you, son. 

And I need to say sorry to your mom 

who will be effected because of my wrongs.

And I need to say sorry to all of the girls and women

For the they love that they deserved

That I could never give them. 

And I need to say sorry that I've isolated

When you've needed a friend. 

There are no excuses. 

Author's Note

I'm pretty bad at grammar so I really just use it as I want you to read it. Also, I don't know if I used the word antics correctly.