Prologue: Endless Sands

Prologue: Endless Sands

A Chapter by ThyFilthyNoob

The birds circled overhead, dancing in the rays of the sun as they watched their prey. The scorching heat draining the energy from the two shadowy figures. Their feet burned with every step as the two lone men walked through the endless sands of the desert.   

 
It had been hours since they had first awoken in the unknown lands. With the sun, high in the sky and no road in the area, they began to walk south towards the mountains that lay far off in the distance, hoping to find some kind of help with their strange situation 

 
"We've been walking for hours now, are you sure this is a good idea, Finn?" The man whined in a high-pitched tone, sweat sliding down his bare chest. His short curly hair plastered to his forehead.  

 
Glancing at him, Finn continued to walk ahead of his overweight friend. "How many times do I need to tell you?" He sighed, "If we stay in this heat for too long we'll die Leo."  

 
Moaning Leo followed far behind Finn, his short legs sinking into the sand with each step he took causing him to slightly stumbleHis best friend wasn't what most people would call popular, he was short, fat and a moment didn't go by where he wasn't whining. But he was loyal to him, and that was enough not to leave him stranded alone.  

 
That is, for the moment...  

 
"Slow down Finn, you're going too fast I can't keep up, man." Leo gasped, clutching his wobbly knees.  

 
"We need to find Aurora!" Finn spat in anger, as he continued to stomp through the desert, determination shining in his clear violet eyes. "We wouldn't be wandering through a desert naked If you hadn't taken us there in the first place."  

 
"I'm sure she's fine," Leo muttered, his tone low. "She's a smart girl I know she can take care of herself until we find her."  

 
"She's only 7!" Finn retorted.  

 
Without saying a word Leo followed silently, a solemn look plastered on his face as he continued to stumble in the sand. The question of where they were and what had happened wasn't easily explainable. Thinking back on it now Finn still didn't know exactly what happened and he remembered every event that took place.   

 
Leo had taken him and his sister to the O'Har Institute of Research and Discovery, they were celebrating the completion of some spatial phenomenon they had achievedBefore they could celebrate the alarms sounded and the building started to fall apart, then the hole appeared. It sucked in everything including him, Leo and his sister Aurora. When he woke in the desert without his sister he had thought the worst, but if he and Leo were here then he knew she was alive somewhere 

 
Looking over at Leo his throat tightened in disgust, sweat seeped in places he wouldn't let his eyes wander. The fear of whatever beast hung between his legs, he left a mystery.   

 
"I can't go on anymore." Leo groaned, collapsing in the sand. "We've been walking for hours and those mountains aren't getting any closer."  

 
Stopping, Finn stared at him for a moment in annoyance. "Get up, or I'm leaving you behind." The words seeped out in a cold tone. It was an empty threat, but he knew how dependent Leo was on him. He had clung to him ever since they were kids, he wouldn't let himself get left behind.   

 
*KAW* *KAW*  

 
Shifting his eyes towards the sky, he could see birds approaching from the mountains at a high speed, as they screeched in the distance. "Leo get up! Something's coming!" The birds dove down towards the surface as they continued their fast approach gliding over the sand at a great speed. The closer they got the bigger they appeared, the wingspan easily doubling his height. Squinting he could see shadows mounted on top of the large birds. 

 
"What the hell is that?" Leon muttered as he stood beside Finn his eyes widening at the sight.   

 
"I don't know but whatever it is, it doesn't look friendly."  

 
"Do you think they know where we are?" He whispered, "We should ask for help when they arrive."   

 
Slowing in the air the man-sized birds descended onto the ground as two shadowy figures leaped from their backs. Cloaked in black their eyes were the only thing visible. One man held long chains that dropped into the sand, their heads darting around until stopping in our direction. Before he could speak the man darted in their direction moving in sync with his partner.   

 
"Leo, get down!" Finn screamed as the chains whipped in his direction wrapping around Leo's neck. Struggling Leo pulled at the metal to no avail as the man dragged him into the ground.  

 
"What the hell... get off of me." He yelped as he struggled against the chains. Dashing through the sand Finn tackles the man as he begins to unleash a barrage of strikes at his face. Raising his hand, the air crackles as the shorter figure reveals his whip before snapping it in the air towards him, yelling furiouslyHe studied many languages but he didn't recognize the words, confusing Finn even further as he struggled against the whip that clung to his wrist 
 

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"Get the f**k up! We can't let them get away." His boss bellowed as he restrained the human that straddled his partner. Tossing him in the sand he proceeded to chain the chubby one who squirmed against his chains.  

 

"Stop moving you fat f**k!" He barked as he began to beat the little human. It took a few hits until he stopped resisting. Blood leaking from his head he lay still as he snapped the shackles around his hands and feet.  
 

"Don't damage him too much Peewee." His boss muttered as he continued to lash at the wilder human, keeping him from interfering with his capture"Hurry up over there, this one's going to be trouble."   

 

Getting more chains from my saddle advance towards the wild human, the b*****d had beaten my face in. Licking the blood from my lips in glee I swing the chain overhead before whipping them at his feet. The human fell with a *thud* as he struggled against the restraints. It took no time to shackle him, he stopped resisting as we began to approach him in his defenseless state 

 

"That wasn't so hard now was it Salk?" said, smirking underneath my hood. I told you the Bloodrow was a good investment, maybe you'll start to listen to me more from now on." Tying the chubby human to the Bloodrow wiped the blood from my hands.  
 

"Ok you stupid b*****d you got lucky once," Salk retorted, feeling amused. "Tie them to the birds and let's get out of here. We don't want to attract any Burrwom."   
 

Approaching the other naked man, I stopped to see him glaring at me, his violet eyes pulsing in rage as his face formed a scowl"Let me get a few hits in on this one it doesn't look like he's going to come willingly." chimed with excitement, didn't like the man, the look in his eyes and his attitude pissed me off, and the fact he had punched me in the face.   

 

Looking at Salk he nodded before proceeding with the beat down. The human had shouted something in Linthein as rammed my foot into his stomach. He didn't cry like most humans, which was unexpectedsimply grunting with each hit before his body went limphad avoided the face for financial reasons, Salk would nag me if we lost coin over the appearance of a slave. Examining the human, I hadn't noticed but his skin was pale for someone who lived in the Layfront Deserts. A thin metal chain hung around his neck supporting a strange symbol didn't recognize from any village. Was he a foreign slave? His build was pretty average for a slave but his eyes, he had never seen such a color before.   

 

"Hey Salk come and look at this human for a second, he's different from the others." I bark. 
 

Kneeling beside the naked man Salk grasped his chin tightly as he stared into his eyes. "So what do we have here," he whispered as he examined the human, his eyes sliding across his body slowly taking him in. Salk was an old timer who knew how to gauge the value of a slave much better than me, which was why he was put in charge of the capturing department. 
 

"He's different, right? He spoke Linthein. Where do you think he's from?" I said, attaching him to Salks bloodrow"He's definitely not from around here," Salk murmured mounting his bird, looking at the strange pendant that hung around his neck. "We can talk later when we get back to camp, where it's safer."  

 

Nodding to each other, I whistle to the birds and we take off through the skies. The feeling he got from this capture was different from the others, the price for foreign slaves was much higher than the usual slave. Staring at the mountains I wondered what Salk knew about these men, and I feared how the witch would react if they returned with another failure. Glancing at the men strapped to our birds I pushed the thoughts aside. "I hope she's pleased with this..."   



© 2017 ThyFilthyNoob


Author's Note

ThyFilthyNoob
Thanks for the read guys tell me how I can improve my story!
You can also support me here at https://www.patreon.com/ThyFilthyNoob
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My Review

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Featured Review

Great story and awesome characters. My only crtisism here is that you need to find your voice of narration. You move from perspectives which is great but would add more if you did it consistently. For example; in the same paragraph you said "they glanced in our direction" and then two lines later you said "their direction." This can be confusing, the transition to the shadowy figures perspective should be consistent and smooth if you want it effective.
My last comment is that this "hole in the ground" seems very interesting. You put a lot of work into great detail of other things I felt more description could be made for the hole. Where did it appear? Was it like a sink hole, a black hole, did it suck everything up etc. Good and interesting plot however, nice job

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Interesting beginning. I'm curious to learn more about the setting. I'll piggyback on The Ink Chapters' comment regarding voice in narration. Some grammar issues make it seem a bit choppy or incomplete on the first readthrough, but that's easily fixed. I'm not a fan of the perspective change from 3rd to 1st person. It's a big shift, and the style change is jaunting.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Gosh, I'm amazed! It starts off really good! I'm very interested in what comes next!

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

ThyFilthyNoob

7 Years Ago

Thanks! I hope you enjoy the story!
Great start, love how the character interact and how the dialogue really shows their emotions. Can't wait to see where you take the story, good work!

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

ThyFilthyNoob

7 Years Ago

Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoy the story!
Great story and awesome characters. My only crtisism here is that you need to find your voice of narration. You move from perspectives which is great but would add more if you did it consistently. For example; in the same paragraph you said "they glanced in our direction" and then two lines later you said "their direction." This can be confusing, the transition to the shadowy figures perspective should be consistent and smooth if you want it effective.
My last comment is that this "hole in the ground" seems very interesting. You put a lot of work into great detail of other things I felt more description could be made for the hole. Where did it appear? Was it like a sink hole, a black hole, did it suck everything up etc. Good and interesting plot however, nice job

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Though, I'm not really into novels, you've made one interesting plot. Great imagery, too and the feels... Keep writing!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ThyFilthyNoob

7 Years Ago

Thanks for the tips and advice! I'm still working on how to make it sound smooth through transitions.. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Osé Dazo

7 Years Ago

Great! That's what I overlooked. I'm not good with novels, you know. ^^, But you've got great talent.. read more
Good start and a extremely interesting plot to me. It has an MMORPG feel to the world that I really like. (I don't know if you aimed for that, or if I'm just a nerd, haha) The characters are very realistically written and likable, even the villainous characters here - which is hard to do. I'm rather liking the firey personality of Finn, he seems like he's got a lot of fight in him.
I'm really looking forward to reading more of this!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on August 2, 2017
Last Updated on August 9, 2017


Author

ThyFilthyNoob
ThyFilthyNoob

Cleveland, OH



About
Hi, I'm a new writer hoping to share my stories and gain some insight on what is needed to create compelling fictions. My hope is that it will one day be transformed from a book to a graphic novel and.. more..

Writing
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A Chapter by ThyFilthyNoob


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A Chapter by ThyFilthyNoob


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A Chapter by ThyFilthyNoob