Captured

I am captured

Or shall I say

Enraptured

By the beat

Of his heart

Gladly embrace

This fate

His female

Counterpart

 

 

I am contained..

And here is where

I want to remain

Amongst the things

Closest to him

Delving deeply into

The reasons

For his origins

 

Imprisoned

And therein

Had a vision

Of unerring

Honesty

This is what

His eyes

Lovingly

Promised me..

 

I am entranced

By an irresistible

Feeling

Of romance

His voice..

Becomes my music

His name..

Waters my garden

As I use it

 

I am detained

This is where my soul

Forever remains

With a sweet jailor

Who holds the key…

I pray dear lord…

Don’t ever let me go free..

Reviews

[Kathryn]

I enjoyed reading this piece. It is almost as though the reader becomes the writer; after each word, I knew what should come next, as a musician playing his favorite song. It seemed almost rhythmical, but private. In reading them, the words felt tied to a more intimate conversation, perhaps whispered between two lovers. I admire the style of the writing and how there is rhyme, but the reason, while coming close to surfacing, is not quite given directly; it is said in many ways, but never the typical "I love him" that beginning writers seem unable to escape from. Overall, this is a beautiful piece of work.

Things that I would suggest, however:

"...Amongst the things
Closets to him..."
-"Closets" should be "closest"

"...His name..
Waters my garden
As I use it..."
-"garden" or other forms of plant life etc are not otherwise mentioned in this piece, and therefore this line seems somewhat out of place...Is your garden important to you, perchance? Is it a metaphor? The reader has no way of knowing... The line is good, but it stands out among the others and distracts the flow of your poetry by making the reader wonder what you meant by it.

I really enjoyed reading your work. I look forward to reviewing other pieces.

☼ k i t t i ☼

[Thunderlyrics]

The garden is referencing the secret place in a woman brought to climax...the water..well...you can guess what that means. Thanks for the input!

[DC Gentleman]

This poem had me trapped in each line.. and I didnt want to break free... simply beautifully expressed...

Excellent..

[DreamSharer]

Very well said. I could not have said it better myself. This poem allowed my imagination to travel far in the ocean of love. I relived moments and memories as I was reading. I could also relate which is very important for a reader I believe. Excellent work...Keep it up!

[Taylor]

This is very well done. It capture's a person's true emotions towards a significant other in a beautiful way.