Purpose to Stay Alive

This is a poem about my mind in very dark, no almost darkest of times. Take it how you make it, I simply mean, I found words that really hit me, that rhymed

I want to say what’s on my brain,

but all I’m feeling is pain.

Like I can’t escape, I’m stuck on a one way train, I’ve got a lane, but it’s driving me insane,

What I’m feeling is like I’m betrayed,

I don’t know how to get away, I hope I’ll get past this, But knowing it will make me shamed.

All I want is a place to say I’m more than okay, not asking myself if I’m safe, if I know this place,

Lines aren’t being drawn,

Definitely don’t know to draw a solution, too what’s so very wrong.

Things have been getting worse, for so very long,

I’m not doing any drugs, no need any kind of bong.

This is my mind, and I guess it’s been made into some crappy little song,

Everyone I’ve met, I just want to feel like I belong, like we can all get along.

I’m not high, my mind is so very strong,

Mapping the way, to bend back time, to reach dawn,

No matter what I do, in my mind, I’m mowing a lawn.

It grows so fast, but I can’t let it get too long,

This is taking to much time, really hoping I’ve built a new bond,

But I can’t be certain, so you just go right along.

Don’t turn back, I’ve learned this is not right, its like most things, its very wrong,

Every answer must have a picture, unlike me, it has a place it belongs,

short response, everyone’s here, the family’s built their bond.

Good night, you know where to go, to feel where you belong,

Another restless night, without a meal, except a Burger King happy deal, that of which I’ve grown very fond, gotta keep struggling staying strong,

and no electricity to help me get through this song, portable chargers just to power me through this verse, starting to feel like all my friends are gone.

-I’ve been trying for too terribly long-

I’m worried I’m dying, I can’t stop crying, I don’t know where on earth, I’m exactly sitting, or lying.

I’m up too late, trying to spend less time crying,

Time is running low, I know all things got to go, But I ain’t moving,

I’m going so very slow, sand in the glass, seems like it’s starting to glow, old man time is the one who knows, but it’s gods choice, this I’m sure you know.

The fuse in my head is about to explode,

I’m going to die, please tell my parents, let them be told.

No reason to cry, this was just a teaser, a bit of a show.

But I got to live, no reason to not let it go,

What’s the worst that could happen, my brains are already on the ground, clearly shown,

One more day, I think I might survive,

Couldn’t just be me, I’m sure everyone who’s still alive, can say that they at least tried.

Wish I knew why,

what pushes us to the next attempt, to stay so calm, to stay satisfied.

I’m not to sure if I’m already about to die,

I promise I won’t make any rash mistakes, can’t hurt myself if not for my family’s surprise.

Leave myself in the ground, while they all cry,

Push comes to shove, I’ll take the punch. The fruit juice that killed me, Im worried I died, chugging out purpose, to stay alive.

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

Oh I empathise. I would not worry the inevitable when it arrives.
This is shy, whimsical and lovely in the right way. About life in the wrong.

[Lorry]

One more day is enough, for most of us st least, to carry on. I think that what we fear most is the not knowing that death brings. We will never be proved right or wrong and tomorrow might just have been the day we would have found out the answer, which I'm sure to most, if not all, is why?

[Betty Hermelee]

When push comes to shove, please don't make the mistake and die.... the feeling of not belonging,not having a place is devastating....you feel like you're trapped in a web and can't crawl out.... if you're thinking of dying, please think of people who do love you and how they will react to this.....your writing is passionate and heart-breaking.... but you're letting out steam, conversing with yourself which is a good thing... poetry is a great outlet for being honest with yourself.... letting out the demons.... finding peace somewhere in your heart. Well done!
Warmly, B

[emmajoygreen]

Your poem, your words - are a song to and about yourself.
In tune, going with the beat of your heart and.. believe me, please,
your skill as a writer and your courage.
That matters, truly does.