Just a Silly Fairytale

CHAPTER THREE

WALLOWING: It feels like you’re a pig stuck in mud. Or a lonely girl already halfway through a barely ever touched gallon of Ben &Jerry’s ice cream, while watching reruns of “What Not To Wear” and various other shows on TV. With over twenty not listened to messages on her cell phone, all from the same guy, waiting to be deleted. It could be wallowing in self pity, maybe in self loathing or maybe both. Bottom line, it sucks and you can’t really do anything about it but try and get away.

I threw my cell phone at the wall as it started to ring, again. I got up, in a rare moment of empowerment and threw the gallon ice cream I had, single handedly, finished in the trash and turned of the television.

I closed all the shades in my room and shut off the lights, my moment of empowerment was slowly draining as I laid down on my bed, not caring to change into PJ’s. I turned my music up loud and slowly fell asleep.

Despite my wallowing I hadn’t cried very much, my tears seemed to be all used up. I didn’t think I could take much more though, all the calls, the occasional throwing of rocks at my window or maybe just knocking on the door.

I hated the fact that I couldn’t just bounce back and give a cute smirk and say “screw him.”

No I had to be one of those girls who fell apart and couldn’t handle it. I heard a loud knock on the front door.

I decided to ignore it and soon enough it had died down and who ever had been knocking gave up and left.

I realized that I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I checked to see if there was anything left behind by who ever knocked.

I walked down the stairs quickly and opened the door. I looked down and it was just the mail. Most of the pile was bills but as I was about to give up on looking through the stack I came across a post card, it had a picture of my mom and her husband, Eric.

My mom had recently remarried and Eric and her had run off to god knows where and the only contact I had with them was a post card every once in a while.

I flipped it over and read the back; Love you so much, wish you were here. Love Mom and Eric.

I let out a sound that slightly resembled a snake that was about to kill someone. If I only knew where “here” was and if I could truly believe that she loved me. My mom was irresponsible and immature. She had never really gotten over my father, who had run for the hills when he found out that she was pregnant.

She used to love me, she would tell me bed time stories about how he would come back, and she made me think I was a princess and that there would be a happy ending for me. He didn’t come back, all I ever got was a card on my birthday and all my mom got was a check in the mail.

As I grew older I guess I started to remind her of him, I had his eyes and his blatant hate for rules and authority. I also had his fire and his ability to pretend that everything was okay. I think that I reminded her of him, and I think she started to hate me for that.

I knew that I was like him in one other way, I was going to leave and I was never going to come back. I new that I would leave, but I wasn’t sure I could ever really let go, I like to think that my dad had never let go, and that’s why I always got a birthday card.

But that’s just a silly fairytale.

I think that I had already decided that I had to say goodbye. I didn’t know how I would but I knew that I had to, or I had to at least try.

I packed my bags, but I still felt like I was forgetting something. I felt like I was leaving something behind.

I sat down at the kitchen table. I couldn’t leave with out saying anything. I knew that my mom wouldn’t care, she didn’t even notice me when I was here and she wouldn’t miss me if I was gone. Alex would care though. Even if he wasn’t in love with me, he still loved me. I wasn’t fair to him to not say anything.

I grabbed a pen from my bag and a piece of paper. I simply wrote “I still love you, just remember that.” I smiled satisfied with my note. Those were always my parting words to him after we had a fight or if I was upset with him. I always told him “I still love you.” And I would walk away with him smiling in the background, simply because he knew that he could never be in my bad books for to long.