A Letter to the Dead

Just some words to my nuclear family, all of whom died within two years of each other.

Mom-

 

I'm so sorry I never appreciated you like I should have. Only now, five years and a month after your death, do I realize how truly blessed I was to have you for as long as I did. You truly did a credit to mothers everywhere. I'm sorry I prematurely killed you in my head when I found out you had cancer. I'm sorry that when you went into remission it took so long to rebuild our relationship. I'm sorry at the end of the line, the battle was not in your favor. I'm sorry you didn't have the capabilities of speech when you sat up for the last time. I'm sorry I didn't shed a tear for you at your funeral while I gave the eulogy. I'm sorry I used your death as a pity-party excuse for detestable behavior for the following years. I'm sorry that you may sit there watching my daily sins, knowing that you "raised me better than that" and are powerless to stop me from destroying myself in eighteen different ways at every rotation of the Earth. I'm also sorry that you can't just reach down from the skies and slap the s**t outta me when I need it =). Thanks for all you did, in the good times and bad. I love you like no other.

 

Grandma and Grandpa-

 

I don't really know what happened, why you trusted those terrible people that stole your estate from me and let them take control of the house and all your money. But I didn't chase them down in court because I don't believe in the new American Dream. I knew that I'd do whatever I had to do to survive and here I am. I know mom's death killed you Grandpa, but I did what you said, I told everyone at the funeral that you were an Italian, you were Republican, and that you gave me my sense of humor. Now, to the dismay of all who know me, I simply cannot pass up a single oppurtunity, no matter how inappropriate, to tell a joke! I'm sorry I waited until years after your death to learn how to play the guitar, and I'm sorry I'm always playing "rock and roll" and not studying theory and chord progressions as much as I should. When I'm older and more mature, I'll get right on it. There's so much I wish I still had the oppurtunity to talk to you about, now that I'm older. I'm sorry that you were stolen away from me and I wasn't able to say goodbye, and I'm sorry you had to die alone that Saturday morning. You were scared of death almost as much as I am. Now you have Grandma with you again, at least if any of the silly notions of the afterlife I believe in are even remotely close to true. Otherwise, you're a'mouldering in the ground with John Brown and nothing matters anyway. Remember when I was little and I told you to come back as a ghost so you could play with me? The offer's still out there. Grandma, I'm sorry that those awful people kept me away from you. I'm sure they told you that I didn't want to see you, or some other lie, because I was off at training or getting ready to deploy. They wanted your money all along, but hopefully they at least treated you well in your final days. Thanks for always giving me candy when I was little, and for reading me the "funny papers" on that ugly green/yellow/orange couch for as far back as I can remember. Thanks for always understanding (until the dementia and eventual Alzheimer's) and for always telling me about when you played softball in school. I would say that I want to see you soon, but my necrophobia is probably the strongest driving force in my life, as sad and macabre as that is to admit.

 

Uncle Tom- Its been a looooooooooooooong time. Thanks for watching cartoons with me that I'm sure didn't make any sense, and thanks for all the laughs. Oh, and for showing me what a Hang 10 was. You seem like a Parchesi player, so one day I'll challenge you!

Reviews

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

I like this a lot very well done

I was basically raised by my grandparents so in turn I took care of my papaw til he passed in 2000 and now Im still here taking care of my mamaw and have been doing so seance I was 18 Im now 31 when I was little I would pray to god every night that I would be the one who got to take care of them and it came true :) in a way I always knew it would be me lol

[Celeste21]

I told my bf to haunt me if he were to ever pass away, and I told him if I were first I would be sure to return the favor. I never really knew what it was like to have a Grandpa or the kind of connection it illicits, but I assume it's something quite similar to this story. Very touching.

[Ashley June Canfield]

This is so sweet