Abyss

The rough draft for the opener to the new album. Kinda cheesy, but this is a song of a pretty epic scale, so the music is what is intended to convey the message.

The dark inside

That none can see

It dwells within

As part of me

 

A thick black tar

Within resides

The other one

Myself besides

 

The eye of lust

The bed of sin

You open up

And let it in

 

This...

Abyss...

 

 

It gives you wealth

And trains your mind

Your soul grows dim

As you go blind

 

Inside yourself

There you can find

The pit of pain

It will remind

 

Wrath, vengeance, hate

In dreadful bloom

The first full glimpse

Of our shared doom

 

This...

Abyss...

 

Is...

Us...

Author's Note

Its a rough draft, so tear it apart if you feel the need.

Reviews

[Poetic Beauty]

This poem is done in a unique style but it flows smoothly. Kudos to you for that. I do believe you are right. Everyone does have an abyss in them for one reason or another. The feeling of being stuck with this part of you that you try to hide try to deny is clearly stated.

[Lily Mae]

I like this allot. It's like being taken deeper and deeper in the moment and then the shared doom.. the abyss.. perfect.. I love it!!

[Phillip J Clayton]

Actually i like it not sure about the ending "is us" kind of killed the mystery if you get my meaning. However it's a wicked poem mate. I would end it at this abyss.

[iamkim]

awe! I love this one! I love the rhyme, I love the words you chose, I love everything! Good job!

[Robin]

a secret to lyric writing is to strip them down to the bare essentials , this you have done, these lyrics thunder into that black abyss

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

no need to tear it~ more a reaction to drop a tear or a shower of them on the reality of your poignant spinerette digging deep into the heart of the enemy~ and of course we as human beings ARE our worst enemy~ your composition itself is a glimpse behind the veil of every pretense and gloss meant to lighten to shadows of actuality~ deeply moving piece~

[GTVile]

I actually just got this song back from mixing and mastering at the studio in Tennessee, so lemme know if anyone wants to hear the final product.

[SimplyDelicious]

You're very talented at writing poetry. Your words are very captivating, leaving me wanting more.

I will definitely be checking out more of your work!

[arlery]

Very true; I like your writing style, and the flow of words is just right.
Good job.

[Cherrie]

1st of all I thing the formate works great, I like the fast pace of the read that seems to pick up speed as you go along, great job really nice. :) Cherrie