“Death or an Ex”

Written for Selene's "Poetry That Doesn't Suck"

  

Born of fire red desire

walk this storming world

setting pyre,

and they try

to extinguish her soul, purpose,

taking the “Elixir of Life,”

opened legs, come and get it,

popping pills, numbing the pain

of their whiskey bent existence,

but the end becomes her,

as she devours whole

heartedly, the mortal fate

of man.

 

Black heart story

fated judgment

it’s not her glory,

we send ourselves to perdition,

she just opens the unknown door,

and pushes, as you drop into that black hole

in your soul. Will it be

a backwards fall? She can’t see

the bottom; gnash your teeth

or sprout some wings, you’re not

her problem anymore.

 

Memories burn an ugly turn

of fate

at some point we’ll all relate

to this reaper who smolders

in my mind, and lingers

in my heart; scythe behind

the spine,

cultivating these thoughts,

igniting the umbrella

of manhood

that used to hold   

back the tears. No one

will rein on her

masquerde, and I feel

 

I’m six feet

under her high heels.  

 

© 2011 T.G. Hopkins III

Author's Note

Based on the picture...

Reviews

[Crowley]

This may be the best "f*****g ex" poem ever!!!!!! Oh man the pain, the frustration with them and with yourself for seeming like such a d****e through the whole thing (not you...lol). The clock can't tick fast enough, and the 86' Pacer won't drive far enough to escape these feelings....great work.

[E.H. Monroe]

Excellent use of commas and line breaks...there's almost like two seperate poems happening here..3 possibly. The message has been captured by the poets below and above, but the idea of transforming the tone and message of a poem just by playing with punctuation is always a tough grab. You did a smash up job. You also blended some piquant images with some that just make the soul, and dick, rigid. Open legs, igniting-mahood,..stellar word choice hombre..

SHAZAMM

[arbitrary jane]

death has so many aliases... amazing job here of combining ideas; this fierce woman and all the things she holds like nuclear fusion, the destruction of a love, and ... being six feet under.
it feels like death here is an adventure that you're not terribly eager to avoid.

[Kerry O'Connor]

A very original response to this prompt, Tommy. What can I say? When you're hot, you're hot.

:-( No idea why I thought you were Bradley - need my specs - sorry.

[Ed Hart]

yikes!

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

the cadence feels like a march under her heartbeat where men grow~where men fall~ where men die~ sometimes women too~ the last two line are a wicked drop of dual tipped metaphor~

[Ms. Gruye]

I liked the last line and feel it could stand on it's own as a flash poem. Well done, T.

[Poetic Beauty]

Past loves often creep back up in our minds for no reason or something triggers a thought. When it happens it makes us feel as if they still have control over us. You summed this up well with the last two lines and your imagery is stunning in this piece.

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

We are Adam, prisoners to our Eve. Excellent bit of poetry my friend.

[Christie Moses]

this is freakin awesome! A powerhouse write.
you do have an amazing way of drawing someone in.
OH those last two lines?! they kick butt!

[realmwriter]

Ill take death, thank you and I'll mind you to stay out of mine! Fantastic write, very well said, flowed effortlessly from one stanza to the next. Well done!