Enemy Within.

I wrote this as a creative piece for my Advanced Higher English folio. Thought I'd post it on here, enjoy! :)

Enemy Within

Thomas Roarty

 

He had long been the antagonist of my thoughts; the man himself bore no ill will to society. What a model citizen he was; young, bright, strong and white. I considered my opinion of the man but still he remained a recurring thorn in my side.

 

One morning I awoke to a dreary December’s day. It would soon be 1830 yet the transition from year to year would not quench my thirst for the man’s “Disappearance”. I set out firstly to carry out menial morning tasks before taking my place at the table where the noblemen sat. As I sat anticipating the arrival of many black hands offering silverware and fine foods I noticed the man near the head of the table. He chatted excitedly to the Governor of the State. The blood in my veins began to boil; his face alone was enough to stir rage in my very bones. I ate quietly without fuss yet continued my gaze upon the man. I knew not his name but his presence alone was enough to set me alight with rage.

 

Later that day as I tended to the family portraits in my chamber I found that my thoughts furthermore drifted to the man I had seen at breakfast. I dusted the face of one of the portraits with a heavy hand as I thought of him. The feelings he engendered in me transmitted themselves into my hand until I realised that I had nearly obliterated the face of my late father. I repeatedly cursed myself aloud. The chambermaid entered. Her dark skin in contrast with her white garments like a poor wedding dress. I rubbed my face briskly to hide my torment.

“Good day, Sir Croner” spoke the servant nervously. I dictated my orders to her sharply, as if to a dog, warning her of drastic repercussions if she were to touch the portraits. The servants themselves were deemed thieves and liars. I had no patience for their race.

“Do your duties and leave as you entered, Madam,”

I regretted my inclination of the word “Madam”; such kindness to those darkskins reminded me once more of the man. I lingered only to watch over the servant before leaving my chamber to clear my thoughts.

 

The scenery outside was beautiful, contrasting the dullness of the morning. The wind danced through the leaves and the song of the birds offered peace to combat my conflict. I slowed my pace to take in the harmony of nature around me. Despite the quality of the world around me my mind returned to him. I remembered how the man had destroyed the tranquillity of my life. Why must he be so respected? I stopped to breathe deeply for a moment, restraining my rage. I continued my walk silently aware of the man’s presence inside the noble house not one hundred feet from my path.

I observed the Governor outside on a similar stroll to mine. He wore a broad smile and his neatly trimmed hair combined with an expensive suit reflected his political and social success.

“Good afternoon Governor! What a fine day god has graced us with!” even to my own ears it sounded ingratiating.

“Ah, Croner! My god, you look awful. Have you been sleeping well?”

His words suddenly made me self-conscious of my physical appearance. I was a nobleman! I had to uphold a certain position which I had clearly failed to do. Even my suit felt dirty.

“It must be the cold, Governor. You can thank my late father for this fragile skin.”

We shared a laugh, momentarily, before my laughter halted abruptly. I suddenly remembered the accidental desecration of the painting of my father, reminding me further of the man I saw talking to the Governor earlier. I clenched my fists and attempted to change the subject the Governor, however, caught sight of my reaction.

“Croner, are you alright? You seem angered.”

“It’s nothing, Governor. One of the n*****s damaged a portrait of mine, I expect her to be punished.”

“Now now, Croner. I’m sure it was an accident. Listen, go relax for a while then join us for dinner tonight. Samuel has prepared some entertainment for our meal. That young runt could be next in line for Governor, usurping even you my friend!” He laughed once more before bidding me farewell.

So Samuel was his name. A small smile formed around my lips before the memory of him turned my grin to a grimace. Quickly I ran to a nearby pond; the water was still and reflected the tranquillity of the winter’s day. As I stared at my reflection, dark clouds formed in the sky above my head hinting at signs of a well overdue storm. I noticed the dark rings under my eyes. Despite the fact I was only in my early thirties, wrinkles were scarring my face like borders on a map. My dark cropped hair had already thinned in places. Frustrated, I returned to my quarters to wash, change clothes and stare at the ruined portrait of my late father.

 

As I stared bleakly at the portraits in my chamber I considered my “untainted” family tree surrounding my father all staring back at me. Their oppressive gaze pierced my eyes like a dagger. They knew what I had done, they hated me for it. It was Samuel’s doing. It was he who made my hand continue to rub the portrait to the point of oblivion. He caused this, solely he. Immediately I went to the dining halls, moving quickly and ignoring the dark-skinned servants. Samuel remained at the centre of my thoughts; my heartbeat intensified as I knew that I’d be in his company momentarily. At the grand doors of the dining hall I inhaled sharply before boldly entering the room.

The dining hall appeared to be vaster than I remembered it. A space had been created at the far side of the room. No doubt for the entertainment that the Governor had mentioned. A few servants were scurrying around the room like vermin attending to some menial task. I must have been early. Had I lost track of time? I took my place regardless, expecting a stiff drink to be placed in front of me. It was then that I saw the man enter the dining hall through the same doors I had previously. I turned only to meet his sickening smile. He nodded at me before disappearing into a small side room. His eyes reminded me of the torment I had endured at the thought he could surpass me. To think that he, cheap scum, could destroy my destiny to be Governor!

I rose from my chair slowly, perhaps if I spoke to the devilish man himself I could find some kind of flaw, something that would prove my suspicions correct. This man had to be unmasked. His lies ran, so far, true to all those who heard him. I followed him into the side room.

“Good evening, friend!” Samuel spoke as if he were expecting me. I hid my revulsion and managed to struggle a reply.

“Evening, Samuel.” I bowed my head. The sight of him made my stomach turn. I would have rather exchanged pleasantries with those “n*****s” than force a conversation with this pompous pretender.

“I hear that you and I may be rivals in this political game, huh? Frankly, my vote is on you. You’re far more experienced than I. Still, I wish both of us the best of luck.”

He laughed playfully. It angered me knowing that this b*****d could not only become Governor, but he seemed perfect for the job! I could not allow it; I had to get rid of him. This was the final straw.

“I’m sure that god above will dictate the success of our candidacy.” my voice lowered momentarily for the last few words of my sentence.

“Do be careful tonight, Samuel.”

He looked puzzled at my statement yet I left before he could question me. I had no interest in preserving this man’s life. I noticed the servants were still plaguing the room. Perhaps I could utilise their assistance, after all, no one cares for the darkskins. It would be hard to trace them back to me. As I surveyed their movements I noticed that the majority were female, I raised my hand to observe each of the vermin halt in their tracks.

“Which of you have already borne a child? I require urgent assistance that may be to your benefit in particular.”

A small, black servant took one step in my direction. Her head bowed and her body swayed slightly. I glanced at her, feeling fear radiate from her very being. She must have dreaded my next words:

“The rest of you leave. I must speak with this one alone.”

The servants filed out without question. The punishment for disobeying a nobleman was either death or time in the cells underground with the rats. Some time with their own filthy species down there seemed a fitting fate for their type. The young girl who remained knew this. She started to tremble.

“I have to ask a favour, nay, I must tell you my wishes. Your lowly kind receives only coppers every month. However, I am willing to reward you handsomely.”

The servant’s eyes filled with wonder. Expecting kindness from a nobleman was unheard of.

“My request is simple. End Sir Samuel’s life and I shall see to it that your child grows to be noble. I may even ensure that a healthy endowment makes its way to your pockets, imagine never having to clean up after these dirty nobles, but instead joining them in luxury. Your child will grow never knowing the harshness of the life you currently lead, I can save you both from a meaningless existence; you would make history! Think, the first black noble, and female? You could rewrite your fate with your actions today. Refuse, or fail in your task? I shall see to it that neither of you ever set foot in this manor again, I will personally exile you and take your child from you. The fate of that child would be grim. Go, make your choice, do it for your kin.”

Tears formed in her eyes, I felt no pity as she slowly nodded and walked to the room where Samuel was residing. Dread followed her footsteps like a black dog. As she entered the side room the door closed silently behind her. I heard her shaken voice from within the room:

“I’m sorry.”

Several minutes passed. I heard nothing. I waited as if rooted to the spot, waiting for some kind of confirmation. I heard a woman’s voice cry out in despair " then complete silence.

 

***

 

I stood dumbstruck at the wretched sight before me. Samuel lay dead. He bore no open wounds and signs of a struggle were not evident. I felt empty; I remained fixated on him. It seemed like he had accepted his death in his final minutes. Blood began to form around him. I panicked as I imagined the possibility of capture; but the blood was not Samuel’s. The body of the young servant occupied a corner of the room, her throat had been slit. God have mercy on me, they bleed as we do! I had orchestrated a murder for what, political gain? I forced an innocent to suicide!

I am Sir Croner! Not a feeble-minded commoner! I knew the portraits of my family glared at me with disgusted looks. I am a criminal! I must make amends for my treachery and clear the filth from my family name!

I now hold the same knife the servant bore. Only steel can cure the enemies within, jealousy and arrogance. These I let ruin me. Obsession is my ailment. My existence is forfeit in sin. Like the noble Roman I must now throw myself on my blade. May God have mercy on my soul.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting tale. The world was different in 1830. I like the conversation and the situations in this story. I like how you ended the story. The real truth can leave you not content and death could be peace. Thank you for the excellent story.
Coyote