Worthless

About devoting your life to a cause and feeling worthless while still being devoted.

Worthless

Sometimes I just feel

Like I´ve devoted my life

Never regretting, never going back

On the promise I gave

And I devoted every part

Of my time towards it

Making it my reason for existing

The definition of Me

Success

Failure

Mere words before the ultimate reason

But sometimes I just feel….

I just feel like an empty shell

Like Ive fallen from my perch

Like ive withered up and died

Like im truly Worthless

Like no one cares

Like I should just be

Rolled up and thrown out

Hatred towards myself

Seething Self-loathing 

Ive failed the world

I promised

I gave all towards those promise

And seeing nothing I start to fall

All the things that kept me going

All the images I kept in my mind

So that I could forge on through it all

Come crashing down upon me

Like im nothing

Like im worthless

Looking up at the world

Having no sign ive done anything

Seeing all my work unravel

Im completely

Worthless

Worthless…..Worthless is what I am….

And when I

Look up to the sky

And down towards the earth

And into my own soul

And as I see it I feel 

I feel like I have no reason

No reason for it to exist

No suicide shall I commit

But inside I may have died

And I need to be revived

But I cannot do it alone

And I cannot ask for help

I cannot bring the burden upon others

I promised I would help

And just asking makes me feel

So worthless

If I just work harder

Itll all work out

And all of the failure

I should have tried harder

I shouldn’t have taken that break

I should have kept up my vigil

Im so worthless

They were simple mistakes

Making them undoes me

And someday I shall have to answer

To myself for those crimes

For the crimes of my past

Present

Future

And when that day comes upon me

If I do not have what has rescued me all those times before….

Then I shall fall

And I shall burn out inside

I feel so spent

I feel so empty

I will always forge on

I will always keep trying

But I will stab myself in the back

Over and over unto eternity

Hatred

Fear

Self-loathing

Worthless….You are worthless….

I am worthless…

May this world have Mercy upon my worthless Soul

For I shall give it none