Forever

Something I made while looking at an ex boyfriend's picture

At the flip of a switch
At the drop of a lever
The loveless can break
And be lost forever

Time and it's tortures
Life and it's tests
Sometimes I wish
I could give up forever

Into sleep I've fallen
Dreamless and deep
Don't wake me up
The real world is of no interest to me

When woken I'm broken
When sleeping I'm lost
What should I live for
When I've lost you forever

Author's Note

I made this when I was in 9th grade

Reviews

[abejoyal]

While this flows pretty well, and I like the mood to it, it does have it's issues, like everything else. This is mostly a good poem, yet I felt there to be some amount of trouble with the rhyme scheme, which seems to float in and out, so I would either drop the rhyming completely, or make it consistent, which probably means dropping some of your use of alliteration. It did have a great mood to it, though.

[Wildecat]

For a poem written in the 9th grade this is pretty darn good. Thanks for sharing.

[John A Common]

For a ninth grader I think it's very good. It is way better then the stuff I wrote when I was 14. Not perfect but all in all I like it. Good job.