The Betrayal

A better look behind the face of the main character, Karenina, I hope.

         Karenina was in a bind.  Too many people wanted to congratulate her, compliment, ask and demand things from her after the show when the only thing she could think about was Baleen.  In the dark space of the alcove, she’d been unsuccessful in getting information out of Baleen when time was of the essence.  Above them, people were talking, feet moving and informal music beginning to play.  She could hear someone coming, most likely to retrieve her.  Some noble must have insisted on their introduction or, as was the case more often than not, Josep arranged a meeting in the hopes he’d get to dip his hands in their coin-heavy pots if they got to talk and in some cases touch her.  So, instead of knocking some sense into Baleen, she safely tucked her away in the corner, behind the costume rack.

“Don’t make a sound.  When I've left, go to my tent and I’ll meet you there as soon as I can.” Karenina told her.  Baleen’s eyes were shut and still pouring salty sadness all over her cheeks.  The footsteps where on the stairs now!  “Listen to what I’m saying!  Don’t talk to anyone, just go straight there!  Do.  You.  Under.  Stand?”  She said in clipped, worried tones that made Baleen open her blood-shot eyes.

With a nod and the silencing of her sobs, Baleen crouched behind the section of ball gowns.  Her presence perfectly hidden in the terrible lighting.

Karenina sighed in relief and then turned just in time to find a voluptuous, golden-skin brunette sway her way over to her.  She stopped just an arm’s reach away and gave a meager bow.  When she’d straightened, a crooked smile spread across her face, “Ser Von Jor has requested your presence upstairs.  M’lord Gabrel and his lady wish to make your acquaintance.”  The brunette had a thick, Carthus accent that sounded beautiful to Karenina despite her unfamiliarity with the lilt.

“Of course!  I’ll follow you up.”

Just before they ascended the narrow steps Karenina glanced over to Baleen’s corner.  Please, don’t talk to anyone before you talk to me! I’ll do whatever it takes to find out what happened to you and fix it.  I swear!  Just give me a little time…

 

It was long passed dark and several hours after Karenina’s show before she was allowed to retire for the night. 

Some generous donations were made after the conclusion of her performance.  She overheard some sword-swallowers in the camp going on about it during a smoke break.  Normally, she would walk over and get the juicy details and coax her fellow performers into complimenting her if they hadn’t already, but tonight she didn’t see the good it would do.  She was in such a state that their praise wouldn’t even make her blush.  With Baleen behind her in their tent, mute, it was going to take a lot more than that to cheer her up.

            With a sour tongue and mighty headache, she waved gingerly to them from ten feet away.  They took notice of her and both of them turned around to wave back, huge smiles on their faces.

            “We’re going to get Seamus and Mads over here to fire up our pheasant roast in a little bit, if you’d like to join us?  I mean, it’s your dancing that’s paying for the meal so it’s the least we can do.”  The hairy, fat man to the left called.

            It took Karenina a shameful moment to remember who Seamus and Mads were, or who the swordsmen were, but eventually, after a short moment of embarrassed panic, she matched faces to the names and names to the faces.

            The bearded man, seemingly in his thirties, was Georgic, who was politely waiting for a response while Nate, the scrawny, sickly pale man with him, took another drag from his cigarette.  And if she remembered correctly, Seamus and Madison "Mads for short because he’d once caught himself on fire trying to manifest it in the palm of his hand- were two of three sorcerers in their company.  As an off-hand thought, she briefly wondered why they weren’t including Pattreck in their feast, the last sorcerer.  Ignoring her petty curiosity, she looked down at the empty pitcher in her hand and then looked back up at them.

            A little apologetic, Karenina shook her head, “I’m sorry.  Baleen isn’t well.  I’m going to look after her tonight.”  Then with a faint curl of her lips, she added, “Enjoy it for the both of us, alright?”

“You’d get twice more men in the audience if you learned to eat.  I guarantee it.”  Nate commented before taking a breath and coughing up some sort of fluid wrecking his chest.  He spit it to the side where it lodged itself in a clump of dirt.  He took another puff while Karenina tried not to be offended and completely disgusted with him.

“Oh yeah?  Well, maybe you wouldn’t look like a cadaver shoving a large scalpel down your throat if you took your own advice.” She retorted before starting to walk away.

Georgic’s booming laugh could be heard all the way over by the water container in the back of a supply wagon, halfway across the camp grounds.  Karenina was startled by the sound and wondered if the man had to be so damned loud!  There were people sleeping right next to them after all.  The least he could do is keep it down.

Spanning only a tenth of a mile on the outskirts of Gartha, in a clearing, their company lived in close quarters.  Thirty of them or so all packed in the back of wagons and doubling it up in the living tents set up in half a dozen rows at the center of the grounds.  Only the continuously profitable acts and her father were given private tents.  Which meant Karenina and Josep were the only ones with them.

The theater tent was set up about ten yards from the road, at least fifty feet from the living spaces, and is the largest feature on site.  It was thirty feet tall and around a hundred feet in length and width.  Originally, the structure was used in old plays and dangerous, esteemed events called “circus”.  Apparently, according to Josep’s drunken mumbling, people performed in them several generations ago.  He said they used carnivorous predators in some of their shows and lit things on fire so their performers could jump through, on and over them.

When he started grumbling about the cost of South Carthus wildcats and potential creature prospects, Karenina took his drink and replaced it with water.  At that point, he couldn’t tell the difference.  Eventually, she got him to come to his senses.  Now, Josep and company were the closest the north lands got to exotic.

“Von Jor’s Passionate and Petrifying Performing Theater of the Exotic Arts”  Read across hundreds of flyers and posters all throughout Hrothera.  Having visited every major village, town and city in the country after only ten years, the name was becoming quite common.

Gartha, the third largest city in the country and only major settlement north of Rosen Lake, was their home for now.  They had, maybe, ten more showings before the locals got bored and the purses grew truly empty.  Karenina could only remember coming to Gartha one other time.  It, too, had been while traveling with the caravan.  She was too young to dance for money then, but she’d watched her father, in better times, arrange an entire festival around their arrival.  Almost half the city came for a few measly jugglers, a couple of acrobats and pitiable candle-lighters.  It didn’t matter though.  That hoarfrost, they sat warm and full around camp fires and started searching for new talents in the area.

Karenina had only been dancing for the last three years, starting shortly after she’d hit puberty, because then and only then could she fit the more mature costumes and move her body in new ways that were previously impossible for her.

Everyone knows she saved the caravan.  It’s true.  Without the attraction and mystery she brings to the show, everyone else would be facing worse than unemployment by year’s end.

Karenina was a special kind of gem, everyone knew.  It was this fact that Baleen now grieved.

Karenina returned to her tent quickly once she’d filled the pitcher with fresh water.  She ducked in and placed the pitcher on a light wood bedside table.  She then walked over to the dresser at the foot of her bed and grabbed a cup.  When she sat down with a glass of water, Baleen refused to take it.

“You need to drink.”

Baleen looked as bad as she felt.  Her sudden depression was hollowing out her cheeks and darkening the bags under her youthful blue eyes.  She was also far too pale in the candle light.  The sadness she was experiencing couldn’t be washed away by a glass of lukewarm water.  Karenina knew that.

Baleen took it anyways and proceeded to take a small sip before placing the glass on the bedside table, alongside the ceramic pitcher.  The act was more to appease Karenina than to sate any real thirst.

“Now are you going to tell me what happened?”

Baleen brought her legs to her chest and hugged them.  She kicked off her sandals and wiggled her toes under Karenina’s fur covers.  She looked odd.  Not like a sixteen year old girl at all.  In Karenina’s eyes she looked as if she’d aged ten years in the last few hours while somehow, still clinging to her childhood.

Baleen didn’t know what to do.  Did she tell Karenina everything?  Did she keep this to herself?  Would Karenina forgive her if she did?  Would she really be killed if she said something?  She was scared and she was confused.  And she’d been like this since Karenina got off stage.  Times like these she always asked her best friend for help.  She couldn’t do that this time.  This time, it was Karenina who needed her help whether she knew it or not.   She just needed to figure out how she was going to save her.  Karenina always looked out for her and did her best to be a real friend.  Baleen promised she’d never do anything less than what Karenina would do for her.

But she’d never be in this situation…  It was Karenina’s unconscious fault.  And the problem was too complex for Baleen to fix.

How could Josep do this to her?  His own daughter!

“Baleen, you can tell me anything.  Just tell me what’s wrong and we’ll work it out.  No matter what it is, I have complete confidence you’ll get through it.  We’ll get through it.  Okay?”

Why did she have to make everything sound so easy?

A burp sounded outside their tent and both the girls turned their head just in time to see the door to the tent flip open to admit a sunken figure.  Josep stumbled over his own feet as he reached out for his daughter.  Baleen and Karenina quickly got to their feet and stepped back, unsure of his intentions.

“You were great!  No better than I expected and no less than what our crowd paid for!”  Josep exclaimed with drunken enthusiasm.  He staggered forward and would’ve fallen if not for the support of Karenina’s dresser.

Cautiously, Karenina moved Baleen so she stood behind her and stepped forward to confront her father.  “What are you doing in here this time of night?”

Josep burped and a little bubble of bile burst in the back of his mouth.  The sound was wet and sickening.  He made a face that would’ve been comical under any other circumstance and then clamped a hand down on Karenina’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze.  In his intoxicated haze, he didn’t know his grip was too rough.  Karenina hadn’t even had time to change.  She had been too afraid to leave Baleen alone long enough to.  So, her corset was under-bust with only a thin white blouse hanging from her shoulders to separate his hand from her skin.  Josep didn’t mean to but his touch hurt.  Karenina escaped his grip and pushed Baleen farther behind her.  Oblivious, Josep continued in a pathetic tone, “Your mother would be so proud.”

            Where usually Karenina would roll her eyes and leave, she stood her ground and looked from Baleen’s pink, puffy eyes to Josep’s delirium.

            “Did he hurt you?”  She asked Baleen while ushering her father towards a chair’s general direction.

            She wiped her eyes and sniffed, straightening her shoulders.  Finally, she spoke, “No, Kara.  Nothing of that sort.”

            Suddenly realizing where he was and who was accusing him of something he’d never do, Josep pushed away his daughter’s caring hands.

            “Then why in the hell were you crying?”  Karenina snapped at Baleen, her eyes flashing for the briefest second before she realized what was happening and took a deep breath.  When she turned back to her father, he was watching Baleen with a stare far too intense for any man as drunk as he to possess.

            “Because,” Baleen cringed away a little, “you can do that with your eyes.”

            “You cried because of my eyes?”  Speaking of eyes, they changed again and no matter how many deep breaths she took, she couldn’t make them go away.  It was worse than a “tell” when you lie, it made it virtually impossible to feign composure in stressful situations.

            “I reckon she’s more upset bout not knowing anythin bout them than you actually, ya know, havin them.”  Josep added helpfully from his chair.

            Before Karenina could react, Baleen was turning on him with a rage she’d never seen her best friend become host to before.  Baleen yelled, “Don’t you dare!!!  This is all your fault!”

            “What’s his fault?  My eyes?  You aren’t making any sense Baleen!”  Karenina was worried about Baleen while simultaneously being incredibly frustrated with her.  She was angry at her father for showing up in her tent, drunk and in the middle of the night too.  The mixing emotions were spiraling through her and making her dizzy.  In the end, she was simply confused.

            Just tell me already!

            Baleen finally dried her eyes though and Josep hadn’t thrown up on the carpets yet so she likes to think things could be worse.  Much worse.  In comparison to her imagination, Karenina was sure whatever was going on wasn’t going to be as big of a deal as they were making it.

            It only goes to show her lack of imagination.

            “How could you do this?  To your own daughter?!”  Baleen cried, her eyes tearing up but luckily, no more tears fell.

            “I havn dun nuttin!”

Josep was fading fast, Karenina knew.  So, if she wanted answers from him and Baleen, she was going to have to think fast.  Karenina bent at the waist to be eye-level with her father and rested her hands on his shoulders to hold him still.  She made sure his eyes were open and trained on her.  Next, she spoke slowly and as clearly as she could.

“What.  Have.  You.  Done?”

Josep furrowed his brow trying to understand.  It took more seconds then he was able to count before he fully understood what she was saying.  He was too plastered to lie convincingly now so, What the hell!  She won’t be my problem for much longer anyways.

“Archon,”  Josep tried to remember his name but couldn’t for the life of him, “Archon…”

“Denarius?” Karenina’s gut did an acrobatic flip inside her.

“That was the name!”

“What about Achon Denarius, Josep?”

“So, Archon Denarius offered to pay the caravan’s debt-“

“Your debt,” Karenina quickly corrected, but her father was unfazed by her interruption.

“-if I sold something he wanted to him.  ‘Cause he wanted something I have.  He wanted it really bad.  And the caravan has a huge debt, Kara.”

“You, Josep.  You have a huge debt.”  She said carefully, trying not to show her irritation now that she’d finally got somebody talking.

“So, for the sake of the caravan and all persons under my employment, I made a deal with him.”

When he didn’t continue, Karenina flashed her orange-yellow eyes at him and glared.  The glow pulsed with the blood pumping through her veins, quick and hot.  She leaned down and met her drunken father’s eyes.

“What kind of deal did you make, father?”

And despite her attempts at intimidating him with her eyes, he said nothing.

Baleen was practically shaking with anger and sadness.  She could feel all the blood rushing to her head.  She snapped, “Just tell her!  Tell her about the deal, Josep!  Tell your daughter how you sold her to the highest bidder because you’re addicted to the cards and losing coin!”

Everyone fell silent after her outburst.  Josep recoiled as if Baleen’s words had struck him and Baleen was sobbing again.  Thankfully, quietly this time.  Karenina is the only one that didn’t move.  Josep was afraid to meet her eyes but when he did, he found that not only were her eyes back to normal, but she wasn’t even looking at him.  Her eyes had glazed over and she had the look of someone lost deep in thought.

“Kara?”  He said, like he was calling her name from a distance.  Her name exceptionally gentle on his tongue.

I shouldn’t be surprised.  To expect better from someone like him is to set myself up for disappointment.  You aren’t bothered by this,Kara.  Not in the least.

Snapping out of her trance, Karenina stood and took a step back from her father.  Her expression, unreadable.  Baleen stepped to her side and waited.  Karenina looked blankly between her father and her best friend.  Her stare was cold and hard and when she finally settled on looking at the lines in her father’s aging face, she still had nothing to say.

“Kara?”

“So?”  She spoke softly, afraid her words might make Baleen start crying again.  “Is he coming to pick me up?  Or something?”

“He wants you delivered by the day after tomorrow.  In the evening.  He’ll be sending a carriage to retrieve you around four.”  The words pained him more then he thought they would.  Somehow, saying them out loud, solidified his betrayal.  He and his daughter were not close by anyone’s standards, but she was his daughter and he, her father.  He couldn’t believe what he’d done.  And yet, he knew exactly what he was doing when he’d done it.  It was too late now for second-guessing.

Suddenly, something occurred to her.  “But you’re due over a hundred thousand.  There’s no way he’d pay you that much for just me.”

Baleen sniffed and looped her arm with Karenina’s as Josep stood to leave.  Karenina watched as he stopped just inside the doorway and appeared to be turning back when suddenly, he left.  Baleen, angry and devastated, leaned her head on her friend’s shoulder and closed her eyes, “Apparently, Kara, he did.”

That could only mean one thing, He knows!

Author's Note

Any advice is better then none so throw it at me. Or, simply tell me your thoughts about it, is it you type? What you don't like about it? Where you hope it will go, story-wise? It doesn't even have to be advice or criticism. Just let me know what you think.

Reviews

[byPatKeegan]

Another good chapter. I can tell that something is building. I am in eager anticipation of dramatic conflict.

You've got a lot more 'thoughts' in this scene, so I am identifying a little more with Karenina. Good job!!

One minor thing (which takes a little explanation) - A word of caution on thoughts (i'm obsessed, i know) - usually "head-hopping" is an undesirable behavior. Head-hopping occurs when we are knowing thoughts of multiple characters IN THE SAME SCENE. It's different than 3rd person omniscient. Usually, a better practice is to restrict the thoughts to the main character of that specific scene (which may or may not be the main character of the story!) - You have thoughts from both Kara and Josep. It's kind of like trying to decide who to root for. I have this same problem in some of my own writing. When (if) i notice it, i try to keep the thoughts to the main character of that scene, and use words/looks/actions from other characters to achieve the desired result of their feelings.

So if Josep's thoughts are of just getting rid of her, think about using other things to impart that to the reader, like "his folded arms and crossed legs told her the truth. she could see that he wanted nothign more to do with her." stuff like that. describing Body language, words, expressions and actions go a long way.

By the way these aren't hard and fast rules. They are more like rules of thumb. They can be broken. I have found that some of them make the writing smoother. Don't feel obligated to take the advice if you don't' feel it's relevant. I'm certainly no expert on writing, i can tell you. I struggle with some of these "rules of thumb" myself. I only propose to share them for the point of discussing. I've taken to the practice of writing some scenes a couple of different ways using different "rules" and then picking the one that i think works best.

Anyway, I was also surprised that Kara was as reserved as she was when she finally learned the news that she had been sold. I'm anxiously awaiting as to why that might be? what will she do? will she go quietly and live a rich, deserving life? Will she run away? will she become the Lord dude's sex slave?

Two rules of thumb I'll also pass on (you can delete this long post if you want).

1) Characters never go quietly! think about a main character has a breakup with his ex-girlfriend - would she go quietly? maybe in real life, but not in good fiction. Life will be hell for the main character!

And another quote i learned:

2) "The problem [in fiction] isn't that we go too far, it's that we dont' go far enough!" - I got that quote from a class i took. I keep that foremost. When you write, write crazy strong, take things to extreme. Then later, you can always tone it down, back it off, whatever. Most times when i do this though? i just end up leaving it.

Anyway, i'll keep my posts more reasonable going forward, i promise.

Thanks for your patience!

[Elizabeth Marie O'neil-Smith]

In my first draft of this chapter I had her freak out and yell and refuse but for future scenes, I needed her to be in shock and completely stoic so her reaction later could make more sense.

I just want you to know that I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and give it such a detailed review. It means a lot (:

--Also, you cracked me up with "Lord dude's sex-slave"--

[byPatKeegan]

no problem at all :D

[Daxis S. Dundra]

I am conflicted. I hate the main character one minute and the next I sympathize with her. I Like the last part. The scene in the tent was good, but the lead up to it made me hate her high and mighty snotty attitude.
I also agree with PatKeegan about the head hopping. I felt the same way, but didn't identify the cause until reading his review.