Retribution

Retribution 

 

 It was never enough.

He barely passed exams

and tried to look tough.

He would roll up his sleeves

and take his glasses off.

 

  And now he’s all alone

His feet on the cold tile floor.

He always tried his best

But couldn’t focus to do more.

And midnight in the kitchen

He stared at what he saw

In the stainless steel blade

And felt rotten to the core.

 

  Mom and Dad expected a normal son.

Telling him to focus

And what to focus on.

But the buzzing in his head

Never kept things right

It kept him awake and that’s why

He could be up at twilight.

 

 And he thought of when they said

Much of his bad and nought of his good

As if they wanted to see red

And the poor teen

Let it go to his head.

 

 Oh heaven cry havoc!

 the red is everywhere

oh my god the walls are smeared

he’s not too surprised

he’s always been bleeding and cold and scared

he remembered when he told them

of the note about his suicide

“of course we love you!”

Said his mother as she cried

And disowned him to his father

“Look at what YOUR son would write”

Unconvinced that they cared

He continued to smear

Silently swear

Succumbing to fear

 

  He remembered the bully

That said he had no guts

He plunges and drags the knife again

With all he’s got

Oh heaven save him!

The gore is everywhere

On his hands in his hair

Hanging from the ceiling

On mom’s crystal chandelier

 

 On the verge of his last breaths

He decided to make it fast

He covered the entire kitchen

With the smell of red paint that would last

Used mom’s favourite veggie knife

Opened his throat ear to ear

And flailed on the ground

Making angels in the blood smears

 

 

He addressed another note to mom

That he held in a bloody hand

Metallic stench of blood was mourned

As the deep dark red was seen

Cause he was in fact a good boy

Who always ate his greens.

 

   

Author's Note

in the last stanza if a healthy person eats all their greens you will see deep red blood and it will smell like metal fact of science

Reviews

[Katherine S.]

I love this, it's very intense and filled with tension, and I like the meaning behind it. Great write! :)

[James E. Peterson]

People should learn to accept other's faults. Everyone expects a perfect a person, but everyone has flaws. That's whats makes us unique. Social pressures from the outside crushed this young lad and his only escape sadly, was suicide. Stay strong Deron.

[Blue Belle]

So sad, the imagery is good. Take Care! Stay Strong! :)

[Deron Alexis]

thanks XD

[Mr Dunne Poetry]

This is a really good poem. Thanks for sharing Deron. Very interesting piece indeed

[Deron Alexis]

thanks

[Mr Dunne Poetry]

Yw

[Rogue]

Interesting piece and very intense. Very high drama and build all the way through.. Leading up to a tragic climax that was eclipsed by a humorous note. A juxtaposition (in this case) I honestly was not a fan of. It took away from the whole for me.


Excellent to that point though. Great job with that. :)

[Deron Alexis]

thanks for reading thanks for reviewing i understand what you're saying and the last line could be interpreted as humor realized that after writing it :D LOL

[Anna]

Very nice narrative poem. I love the way you portrayed a story in this poem. touching story

[Deron Alexis]

thanks

[Deron Alexis]

hey i always wanted to ask is your profile pic based on your real face? O.o

[Anna]

that is actually a picture of myself on my webcam. Its just one of those options i could pick and it turned out really well

[Deron Alexis]

thats cool

[Blackened Soul]

woah man this is great! my favorite part is 'he remembered the bully, that said he had no guts', and everything following that. very creatively written, and piercing. no pun intended lol

[Deron Alexis]

lol thanks dude

[Rob Santana]

Dude I love it!!!!

[Deron Alexis]

thanks for reading dude

[Rob Santana]

Oh don't know if you seen but I featured this piece in DARK REALM group page. It was mandatory!!!

[Deron Alexis]

cool thanks i was really hoping to get featured some time

[Rob Santana]

Deron I featured you a few times already.....

[Deron Alexis]

damn i really have not been paying attention

[Rob Santana]

Hell yeah! Your writes are killer. I feature someone every week on our page. If no one is posting, Than I look for some killer s**t. This is your 3rd time up. I stay active on our page, DARK REALM homie!!!! hahaha.

[Frieda P]

Holy cats, this one got under my skin and squirmed around through all the blood and guts. Darkly luscious this one, ending on a humorous note, isn't that always like the pained ones, to try to make nice and seemingly a thought as to make it seem all alright.

[Deron Alexis]

thanks for reading Frieda you know I had to shock you with my come back poem

[Frieda P]

You get high grades for that, also I'll be calling you when I can never sleep again dear. ;-)

[Rob Santana]

You see Frieda, I'm not the only CREEPER here...........sweet dreams Frieda

[Deron Alexis]

lol DEAD

[Silhouette]

Oh, my god…this is so sad =( and incredibly painful. Really powerful imagery, too…*shudder* so dark, but still great job.

[Deron Alexis]

thanks for reading XD

[Silhouette]

Anytime =)