Coping with the loss

It seemed like forever but the paramedics finally arrived. Pulling up to the cars there wasnt a sound in the world but the beating of my own heart. The lights on the vehicles lit up the scene with periodic flashes of red and white, there colors a savior but today.. the harbringers of death. They pullled my beloved Damian's body from the wreckage and placed him on a stretcher. They closed the doors and the tears in my eyes began to well up again knowing that I'd never get to be with him again. We'd never lay together under that tree ever again, never spend those long nights alone outside just being young and enjoying life, the way he always wanted. He was so young, always full of life and He always lived it to it's ful potential. he helped everyone, he took in the homeless and cared for the broken animals at the shelter. Whenever there was a call for help, my superhero Damian would always be there to answer that call, no matter how big or small. I loved him and he loved me, and now he's been taken from me. I walked home that night in the pouring rain, always wanting to be alone. A few friends stopped and offered me rides but i9 just trudged on through and they drove off, splashing me with the puddles of water in their wake and making my tear streaked makeup cover my face even more. When i fianlly arrived home i wasnt greeted fondly. My mother Was instantly on me about my grades.

      "so how did you do?" she asked me, and i Replied

      "I wouldnt care to talk about it mother." but she kept on me and asking and asking when i finally screamed

       "I DONT WANT TO F*****G TALK ABOUT IT I SAID!" now she didnt like that, her eyes got narrow and the closest thing to her was a vase. She picked it up and smashed it over my head screaming curses at me as i crawled up from my feet. I ran up to my room as fast as i could, thats all i ever do is run from her. I ccant fight her, she'd kill me. The last thing i heard her say was

        "Gwen, i hate you, i know all about that car crash today. The principal informed me, I'm glad Damian is dead, i Always hated him. Some part of me also wishes you died to you cause so much trouble for this family and i wish you were never born....."

That was all i heard as i shut the door to my room. I hated her, Hated her with every fibre of my living being. An eternity in hell is worse than spending 18 years of my life with this unholy creature i've been forsakenly spawned by. She thinks that she's doing it right, the "traditional" way where kids deserved to get beaten. She's wrong, I did nothing to her but say i didnt want to talk. I put my head to my pillow and screamed and cried. I shouted

       "GOD! IF YOU'RE OUT THERE MAKE MY SUFFERING END! IF IT DOSENT END THEN I SWEAR TTO YOU THAT I WILL KILL MYSELF! GIVE ME A RESPONSE!" some part of me that night waited for a response. all alone in that Dark room. I sat for what could have been minutes, hours time all became a muddled blur in my own insanity. I watched the raindrops streak down my window and lighting split the sky lighting my my otherwise black room with periodic shades of blue. I rolled over, too confused and upset to think. I snuggled my stuffed rabbit Paco to my chest, he was the only thing i had for confort the only thing left in this world that i love, and i let the cool release of sleep take me.