I escape No hands of man could capture you His heart is fragile here But the horizon embraces you Through my fingers, all is well Preserve the beauty that eyes come captured I envy the birds, surfacing the ocean The waves whispering to the rocks secrets untold of what its body holds I'd like to feel you upon me It's pulse beats happily The sun reflects gently
"Him [his?] heart is fragile here"
I really like these lines:
"I envy the birds,
surfacing the ocean
The waves whispering to the rocks
secrets untold of what its body holds"
The imagery and depth of the words is amazing.
Your poem is bittersweet...but it has a positive note, I like it. The imagery is beautiful....i felt as if i was back at the ocean side....i like the way you represented nature as a means of escape... to renew and unwind...beautiful
Gentle, but strong at the same time. I personally love poetry with an ocean theme, living in a California beach town has done that to me. Personally, I like the "happy beating" image, because to me the ocean is all things--angry, happy, strong, mysterious.
My only question is with the third line: "Him heart is fragile here" -- Do you mean "His"?
The Ocean... nice... though i contradict with the idea of its beats being happy... an Ocean is an ancient dark and deep being... that existed and witnessed the dawn of time... and will remain a witness until the end of days!
Aristotle himself described the ocean as sad... lonely, and all knowing... but i guess its your own perspective... much respect... i just thought i might share...the structure is pretty good...
never the less, the only thing i didn't like is the repetition... though i think since this is modern poetry... anyway... i think its well formed... powerful descriptions indeed!
keep it up!
I fell in love with the ocean in 1992. Outside of Moon bay in California. I saw the ocean for the first time. I suicide board in the big storms and rolls in the waves for three years when I was station at Fort Ord. Your poem is beautiful. The description was amazing. Thank you.
Coyote
Hello world, my name is Alexa and I want to discover you. I'm a tea drinking, music obsessed, book gazer. And i'm a little freak. I walk the world with an open mind and a costume on. Art has taken ove.. more..