Late Night Anxiety

A poem that only scrapes the surface

I have all these thoughts swirling around in my head

Sometimes I just wish to be dead

And no it's not because I am ungrateful for the life I live

It's because I am ashamed of the bad things inside of me

When I look in the mirror
I hate the person I now see

I mourn the girl that I once used to be

She was beautiful and bright
Never afraid of taking flight

Now my soul is tainted
Drugs
Alcohol
A broken spirit
A broken heart
Anything to numb the pain

The smoke represents my sorrow and stress escaping from my chest

And I drink because I am upset, obsessed with feeling nothing

Things have been so hard, that breathing is a constant struggle

Yet it's all because of me

I have made mistakes that cannot be forgiven

I am here but am not livin

Just a physical being who has long been lost

I have tried everything to recreate myself in others image

They want happy. So I smile
They want smart. So I study
They want mature. So I stay silent

But the girl who people see
Is simply not me

Who is me?

What will it cost for me to figure out where I belong and who I am meant to be...

Author's Note

Typed this up at 1 in the morning after being tired but not able to sleep. My head felt like it was going to explode but writing in a journal is much too dangerous. So I found a place where I could let go and be free

Reviews

[SleepiePenguin]

I like this poem. I can relate to some level on these words, of how I am not proud of myself, and it sucks at times. I think writing poetry dead at night helps let loose some powerful words. Good job.