How Genie and Aladdin Fell Madly in Love

A fanfiction for Disney's "Aladdin."

One Arabian Night, a gust of wind forced its way over the hills in the desert, and it passed by a lonely merchant…

“Ah, Salaam and good evening to you, worthy friend.”

Hey! I’m the one narrating this story.

“Who said you were going to narrate it? I want to narrate it!”

Easy! I’m writing this fanfiction - you’re not. If you want to continue to prosper in your own existence, I suggest you let me tell the story.

“Fine! I didn’t want to speak, anyway.”

…

Ahem…

Anyway, we’re going to skip by this scene with the peddler, since he clearly does not want to partake in my fan-made story. Now, after a few pathetic attempts to sell the viewer useless goods - which, by the way, happened to break as he presented them - and a random fart noise that he inexplicably makes with his tongue, we enter a land of beauty and chaos: the city of Agrabah!

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“You are late…” A dark figure was perched up on his mare, his silhouette scaring the stars away from the sky. A bird was impatiently standing on his shoulder.

Just a few feet away, a short man stopped his own horse from a quick gate, and the sand beneath its hooves flew up into the air. “Sorry. I was getting my hair done.”

“Yes, well… it does look ravishing on you.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“What did you do to it?”

“I trimmed a little off of the top, and I gave myself a few highlights.”

“What color?”

“Blue.”

“No, no! Which blue?”

“Oasis blue.”

“Oasis blue!”

“Yes, sir.”

“What a marvelous color. I might consider getting my own hair done like that.”

The small man grinned in response.

“Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes! The medallion.”

“Medallion…?”

“The golden beetle? The jewel that opens the heart of the Arabian Desert? Don’t tell me you lost it!”

“Oh, no, sir! I was just wanting you to explain what it is - you know, just in case the audience doesn’t know what we’re talking about.”

“But who would read something they don’t know about?”

“There are a lot of people who are curious about the things they don’t know, sir. Also, you tend to make the best descriptions of things, so…”

A light shade of pink appeared on the man’s cheeks, and they could vaguely be seen, even in the dark.

“Oh, stop.”

“No, it’s true!”

“You’re making my face-cheeks warm, Gazeem! Stop, or I’ll send Iago to eat your lunch!”

“What? No! Not my crackers!”

“Awwk! Quackers!” The parrot squawked repulsively. He leaned over to his owner’s ear and whispered, “Hey, you’re not going to actually make me eat those stupid things, are you?”

“No, Iago,” the man whispered back. “I’ll eat them.”

“Oh, okay. Good.”

The man looked back over at Gazeem and grinned malevolently. “What brand?”

“Excuse me?”

“What brand are the crackers? Saltine? Pepperidge Farm?”

“They’re R-Ritz crackers…”

The man’s dark eyes shot up like fireworks in the night sky. It kind of looked like he just took a peek at the heart of the TARDIS. “Ritz crackers,” he cried happily.

“You can’t have them!”

The man’s shoulders drooped. “Darn.”

Gazeem lifted his chin, a smug look appearing on his face. He blinked.

“Master?”

“Yes, Gazeem?”

“I don’t think you’ve ever told me your name. Who are you?”

“I’m the Doctor.”

“The Doctor?”

“‘Ello!”

“Doctor Who?”

“Okay, that’s enough! We’ve already got a whole lot of references going on. I’m Jafar.”

“Who?”

“Jafar.”

“Who?”

“Jafar!”

“Who?”

“JAFAR!”

“Who?”

“JA-FEY-FEY!”

“WHO?”

“JA-JA-JA-JA-JA-”

The two partners continued to peril throughout the night, which woke up many people in the city. One of these people was a common thief. He went by the name Aladdin - no one knows why he called himself that. His real name was and had always been Bobaclevious Velcro. Maybe that’s why he changed it.

Anyway, Bobaclevious “Aladdin” Velcro stood up from his bed - an empty potato sack, which, to be fair, was comfier than last week’s bedroom choice, which was an empty barrel that smelled of rotting fish - and lifted his hand to rub his eyes.

He glanced around, searching for the source of the commotion. “SHUT UP!” he screamed. For a while, it was utterly silent. Then the arguing started again.

Aladdin decided to take matters into his own hands. He put on a lion mask - he wore it so people wouldn't know his true identity - and ran out to meet the quarreling idiots. At the top of his lungs, he screeched, "WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER?"

Jafar and Gazeem traded glances before slowly backing away - well... before making their horses back up, anyway. Aladdin stared at them with a vice glare until they completely blended in with the darkness.

He was about to walk back to his potato sack when something caught his eye. A random golden glimmer was shining in the sand in front of him, where the two strangers were standing. Aladdin leaned over and picked it up.

What he saw was rather… disappointing. It was just a rusty old lamp. He decided to keep it, though. He wanted to give it to someone special one day.

Turning around, Aladdin crawled back into his “bed,” but still couldn’t get any sleep. Abu, his pet monkey, was hogging all of the potatoes. Thank you, Abu. Thank you.

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Princess Jasmine wasn’t your average girl. Yes, she did live in the palace, and yes, she was part of royalty - but that’s not why she’s different. She wanted things to come by as they pleased, and yet, her father seemed to think the exact opposite.

“Jasmine! You can’t just keep ordering Raja to eat all of your boyfriends! You have to get married before your sixteenth birthday!”

“But why?”

“Because I’m a short old d********g and I’m not gonna live forever! YOU HAFTAH MAKE ME SUM GRAMBABIES!” Frustration foam poured from his lips, which were opening and closing in an awkward fashion. “Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-”

“Have you ever heard of adoption?”

“I’m old, Jasmine! I don’t even know what it means to rule this place!”

Yeah. No kidding.

Jasmine sighed, her hair slipping down in front of her. “Father, please just let me marry for love. I don’t need anyone to look after me. You heard yourself - I’m almost sixteen! Just have some faith in me for once.”

“NEVAHHH!” The sultan spun around and bolted back into the palace.

Raja, Jasmine’s pet tiger, came up and put his head in her lap. Jasmine mumbled, “Hey, Raja? Do you think you can eat my dad, too?”

The tiger made a disgusted face.

“Yeah, you’re right. He’d probably be really hairy and greasy.”

Suddenly, Jafar came outside with a smile on his face. “Princess Jasmine,” he proclaimed, “you have yourself a visitor.”

“A visitor? Who?”

“Bobaclevious Velcro.”

“What?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Aladdin.”

Jasmine kept staring at him.

“The potato-sack guy!”

“Ohh! That one!” She paused and took a glance at Raja before saying, “Alright. Bring him out here.”

Jafar nodded and lifted his hand up. He put it in his mouth, whistling as he would if he were calling his mare. “Bobaclevious! The princess will see you now.”

Aladdin swaggered outside, dressed in his best ensemble. What? Of course it was a stolen outfit.

Jasmine raised her eyebrow as he sat down beside her. For a few minutes, it was really quiet. The silence was almost deafening. Then...

“Heya, babe.”

Jasmine blinked. “Eh?”

Aladdin flipped his hair. “I got a pet monkey.”

“I bet you do.”

“Do you want to see him?”

“Not really.”

“Is it because you only like tigers?”

Raja purred.

“No,” Jasmine said, still perplexed. “I like monkeys.”

“His name his Abu.”

“That’s nice.”

“I have no idea what it means.”

“Me either.”

Aladdin gasped, his hand pressing dramatically against his heart. “Did you feel that?”

“Feel what…?”

“We just had a moment. We’re both complete idiots, and we have no idea what the name ‘Abu’ means. No offense to the audience.”

“I didn’t feel anything…”

“Kiss me.”

“WHAT?”

Aladdin flipped his hair again. “C’mon, girl. You scared?”

Jasmine’s eye twitched.

Aladdin changed the subject to hide his hurt. “Do you trust me?”

She paused. “Yes…?”

“Hold out your hand.”

Jasmine hesitantly let her hand out, and Aladdin placed the lamp he found in the desert onto her palm. Jasmine, who was more confused than ever, studied the lamp carefully.

Jafar’s eyes widened. “You… where’d you find that lamp?”

Aladdin glanced up at Jafar, his cool-guy-impersonation wearing off. “In the sand.”

“You idiot! This is Agrabah - there’s sand everywhere! Where did you find this?”

Aladdin held his hands up in surrender. “When you left, I found it where you were standing. That’s it.”

Jafar stared at him with a shocked expression. “All of that time, I was looking in the wrong places… and that stupid lamp was literally right underneath my nose…”

Jasmine arched an eyebrow at him. “What’s wrong with it? Is it yours? Man, this thing is dirty…” She started to polish it.

“No!” Jafar reached out to take it from her, but it was too late. A powdery explosion of blue smoke filled the air, revealing the Genie that Jafar had tried to get rid of from the very beginning. He gave himself a facepalm. “You’re not supposed to rub it…”

The Genie smirked and snuck up behind Jafar, poking his sides. “That’s what she said!” he cried with joy. Genie flew around, observing his surroundings.

He zoomed over to Aladdin and shook his hand, “Heya, dapper. You’re a new face,” he soared over to Raja, “Ooh, big kitty,” and he turned around to see Jasmine in all of her mid-morning glory.

Genie’s eyes almost popped out of his head. “Ho, sweet mommy. Hello there, miss...  I don’t think we’ve met before.”

Jasmine rolled her eyes and turned away. Raja started to growl. “Oh, what’re you gonna do, house cat? Eat me?” Genie did a little booty-shake to taunt him. Surely enough, Raja joined in with the shaking after he sunk his fangs into the blue bottom of the strange creature.

Aladdin just stared in total dismay.

Jafar ran over and grabbed Raja, trying to pry him off of the Genie’s behind. “Let go, you ragged dish rag, or else your pelt will sprawl out underneath my furniture!”

Raja grunted and let go of the Genie’s bottom. He padded back to Jasmine to guard her.

“Yeah, beat it!” Genie called, rolling his fist in the air. “I was about to fart on ya if you didn’t move…”

Jafar sighed and took the Genie’s arms. “Look, it’s been nice seeing you again, but I’m afraid you have to-”

“Ohhh, no! I am not going back in that freakin’ tea pot of yours!” Genie bellowed, ripping his arms away. “I’m tired of singing nursery rhymes in the middle of the night and scaring away the snakes with my tail.”

Aladdin blinked. “Tea pot?” Craving a hot drink, he searched around for the lamp. Abu slipped out of his pants - don’t ask why he was hiding in there - and tried to help him.

Genie gasped. “A monkey!” He waddled over towards the fuzzy primate with his arms opened wide. “HUG ME!!!”

Abu, who was instantly disturbed, flung himself back into Aladdin’s pants. Genie slumped. “Darn… you see that? I even scare monkeys.”

Jasmine rubbed her forehead. “I think I’m getting a headache… I’m surrounded by so many idiots…” With that, both Aladdin and Genie found their way to Jasmine’s lap.

“I’ll help you, miss!” they said in unision. It wasn’t long before they were glaring at each other.

Genie clenched his teeth. “I saw her first.”

Aladdin crossed his arms. “I have the monkey. Girls love monkeys.”

“Girls also love blue things. It’s in that wedding riddle thing-a-ma-bobber; something red, something blue… something something…”

“You can’t be your own wedding gift. That’s cheap, and girls like everything expensive.”

As they quarreled, Jasmine sighed and walked over to Jafar. “How long will it take to find a man that knows the truth? We don’t want expensive things, we want a man who cares and a man who loves. Where to find a person like that? Where in Agrabah can I find a whole new world?” Jafar nodded, resting his hand upon his head. “Tell me about it.”

Raja walked in between Genie and Aladdin, breaking up the fight. “The cat’s right,” Genie stated. “We shouldn’t argue over the princess.”

“Thank goodness, we’ve gained some sense!” Jasmine cried.

“Right,” Aladdin agreed. “We shall fight to the death for her hand!”

Jasmine and Jafar had a facepalm. Raja would do the same, but that would result in him clawing his own face off, so he huffed instead.

“It is settled,” Genie announced, turning towards the princess. “Tomorrow night, when the sun beats down on the desert for its last hour, Bobaclevious and I shall brawl. The winner takes thy hand… do you accept?”

Jasmine crossed her arms. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Doesn’t matter. However, I do wish to see this fight… so the winner shall receive a kiss.”

The whole group nodded, and the activity was set. The battle for Jasmine’s sassy lips would be fought the next day.

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To prevent Writer’s Block, I will fast forward to the fight. Sorry… I just get rather uninspired whenever I write for an hour straight.

As the sun set on the city of Agrabah, the two lovers met in the unsupportive floor of the desert, weapons in hand. Jasmine sat down beside Jafar on the sidelines, ready to get it all over with.

Genie raised his weapon - a rubber chicken. “Prepare to see your death, Bobaclevious Velcro,” he proclaimed, even though Aladdin never told him his name. Genie was just a creepster like that.

“That will be the day,” Aladdin responded, raising his own weapon… wait, what was he going to do with a freaking ham sandwich?

Jafar glanced at Jasmine, who was looking at him at the corner of her eye. They blushed and quickly paid attention to the idiots again.

Raja trotted over to a drum and started to pound on it with his giant paws. Genie and Aladdin dug their feet - er… tail, in Genie’s case - into the sand before launching at each other. Genie miraculously whacked Bobaclevious in the face with his rubber chicken.

Poor thing.

Oh, and I feel a little bad for Aladdin, too.

Aladdin made a quick comeback by chewing up a bite of his sandwich and spitting it on Genie’s face. Disgusted, the magical blue spirit stumbled backwards, his hands on his face. After they both squealed at each other due to their new “injuries,” they dropped their weapons and started a baby-fight. Their hands slapped each other as they pulled their heads backwards, their eyes closed tightly.

“You’re a jerk!” Aladdin cried.

“No, you’re the jerk!” Genie slapped his hands harder, and Aladdin responded with a childish wail.

Eventually the fight came to an end. Aladdin became frail and fell to the ground, his eyes filled with tears and sand. Throwing soil into the enemy’s eyes: good strategy, Genie.

The victor of the battle, the almighty blue god, drifted over to the princess with a smug look on his face. “I believe I deserve a kiss?” he presumed, pursing his lips together.

Jasmine chuckled. She ordered Raja over quietly, then held his face up to Genie as he leaned in. In a matter of seconds, Raja was struggling to gain freedom, and Genie was arching his eyebrow. “Geez, princess,” he murmured, his eyes still closed. “You didn’t tell me you had a mustache coming in.”

As he opened his eyes, both he and the tiger were set free from locked lips, and they started to rub their faces in the sand beneath them.

Jafar and Jasmine burst out laughing. What a joy it was to see such a thing! Mischievousness was such a guilty pleasure to these royals!

“Fools!” Jasmine laughed, clutching onto Jafar’s arm. “I’m already secretly engaged to Jafar. This man… this man has shown me a whole new world.” Once again they glanced at each other, blushed, and glanced away.

“There is no way I will let you steal my lips at this moment, or any moment at all!”

Aladdin and Genie looked at the couple with long, exhausted faces. “H-How long have you been engaged…?” Aladdin asked, perplexed.

“Since this morning,” Jafar answered. “Just last night we stole a view of the stars, and we realized where this story was meant to end. Princess Jasmine was going to make you kiss Raja anyway, but it was definitely funner to watch as a couple!” His eyes were sparkling.

They stood up from their chairs and closed them up. Jasmine called to her tiger and waved goodbye to the stunned morons. “Bye now!” she called. “Thanks for the show!”

So now, in the desert that surrounded the beautiful city, Genie and Aladdin sat in the cold sand, staring at their hands in defeat.

“I can’t believe they tricked us,” Aladdin murmured. “I mean, we fought for her. What girl doesn’t want a Twilight-based love story?”

“I guess we weren’t good enough for a princess,” Genie sighed.

After a while, they looked over at each other and smiled. Aladdin held up Genie’s lamp and threw it far away in the desert, where it was never to be seen again. “Not every person likes expensive things,” Genie said, watching the pure gold lamp soar off.

“Not every person needs a wedding gift,” Aladdin continued.

“But everyone loves monkeys.”

“Yeah.”

It was silent for a while - a long while - but they didn’t mind.

They didn’t mind it at all.

Author's Note

I think I had way too much fun with this. xD
Want more fanfics? Go here: http://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginallyLunar

Reviews

[Thesecuts]

Wow this is humorous, even the title. I loved every bit of it. You're very talented and I think you need to continue your writing because you'll only get better

[iNSOMniAC]

Thank you!! ^u^

[Thesecuts]

no problem