Clearing my mind...

Not really a story, more of thoughts clouding my mind for the last little bit...

It's been a while.., 

How did I get here? I believed I was actually moving forward. I thought I was going somewhere. For the first time, I felt like I had a purpose in life. It felt good. Whenever I got to the park, I'd stare at the landscape for a few minutes. Looking, thinking, collecting. Looking at wonders of our world in the most simple bliss. Looking at where I've taken myself after searching for so long. Thinking about how long this will last. Thinking that it was potentially the last time I would get to look at ... This. Collecting mental images. Collecting them and realizing that nothing should be taken for granted, that this time, when I look at this, it may be the last. 

I've been wanting to get out of this hole. I was stuck in the hospital for crying out loud. I thought I knew what it was that I had to do. But I'm still here, stuck in the same place. Wanting more out of my life and yet, I don't know how to reach for the higher platforms in life. How do I go from looking at the bottom of the pedestal to being the one looking down from the pedestal? Do I go to school? Do I keep working? Questions don't help, I don't enjoy talking to others enough, I just feel comfortable sitting at home, doing ... Nothing at all.