Prologue

The sky was gray and raining hard. The police officer's ran with guns on their hands. The young man leading them was a few feet away."Hurry run," a young man stand yelled to the police officer's as he ran towards the abandoned building, "she might get away if we don't hurry."(A.N he is the guy from the picture on the side). 

Splash. The young man reached the abandon building. You could see the crack's and the green healthy plant's growing in the cracks. Pant, Pant. The man was panting hard as he looked around the first floor. His blue eyes landed on the broken staircase. He ran to the staircase, careful not to fall down from the missing stairs. He ran and ran until he reached the roof. By now the officer's lost sight of him and he was panting hard from running the 5 staircases to reach the roof and kicking down the door that blocked the entranced to the roof. "You're getting old, Chris," a feminine but mischievous voice announced from the left side of him.  He quickly pulled his gun out from his pant's pocket and pointed it towards the voice. "It's rude to point gun at people, especially your host for the party we are having," the young woman said as she shrugged when she lifted her arms up. The man was about to talk back but hard thumping could be hear from the place he just came from.

A few seconds later 20 police officer's, armed, were behind him with guns pointed towards the woman. "Ah I see you brought guest's over, oh how pleasant," the woman said sarcastically with a fake smile but they couldn't see it with the gas mask on her. "Put your hands up, Raven, you're cornered there's no escape for you," the man now known as Chris told the woman. The man had a smirk as he still pointed the gun to her. "Oh really?," the woman, also now known as Raven, questioned as she lifted one eyebrow as she sat on the edge of the building. "You bet," he answer confidently. Raven laughed as he said that. "Raven what's so funny you are cornered," one of the officer's behind Chris said. "Well," Raven started, "I knew this was going to happen. I came here to see your faces as I escape, again, from your grasp." Horror struck the officer's faces and confusion on Chris face. 'But she slipped, when she was stealing the famous black pearl from the museum we captured her associate, Nova, he told us information. He is also still in jail,' Chris thought. "Jen, my party is getting boring. I think i'm going to jump. Oh and did you retrieve Nova?," Raven whisper into her hidden earpiece. "Yup, little brother is retrieve and you can jump. We are ready.". Raven smiled at herself. "Well sorry to ruin this already ruined party but i'm leaving, see ya next time Chris," Raven said as she got on the ledge and jumped. 

"NO," Chris ran towards the ledge and looked down. Nothing was there. Anger and Shock was the only emotion he was feeling. "GO FIND HER, SHE COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN FAR," he shouted to the officer's as he angrily stared at the ground where she could have fallen. Scared, they ran down the stairs and started to look for her. "She got away, again," he angrily told himself as he hit his fist on the edge.

Reviews

[richieb]

John, lots of action but some repetition in opening in opening lines {run x 3 times}. Try zig-zaged, sprinted,dashed ,raced; just mix it up. Also try using actions, for example in stead of "pant" try hands on knee's, chest heaving; give the reader the opportunity to visualize whats happening. Your intro promises a most interesting story. My comments are words that were made to me to improve my writing and I am passing this on to you. Keep writing. Richie B.