The Mother's Song

A collaboration with an Anonymous Shadow, hopefully to be performed soon. What happens when the prodigal mother returns...

It's been too long,

Much, much too long.

That's what people always say

After a few weeks, a month,

But for us, it is truly true.

It's been a lifetime, between me and you

An eon, a vast expanse of

Empty, dead time

I don't feel older. But you've grown

And still, I see you as my own:

My eyes, My nose, My blood.

Just-

Bigger now.

A baby remains a baby in the memory

The scent of the baby lasts an eternity

In a mother's mind

And yet the baby is no longer a baby

Outside a memory

Merciful, drifting, thoughts

Until we're faced with the reality.

Not to say I deon't like it, it's just

I know now, truly, true

It's been too long...

 

I hate you

More than what the word means

More than the emotions the word represents

I hate you

With every possible thought and feeling that accompanies it

I hate you

You who left me to rot and die

You who should have loved me

You who should have cared for me

You who wanted me dead

I hate you

Yet you can never understand why

 

Glittering glimmering glowing tears

Fall from the eyes i once kissed goodnight

You took your first breath and i died inside

As you left my arms

I was only allowed to see you

I held you once

Let me hold you again

To remember you completely

To remember the shimmering stars

Paint an opal sunset in your eyes

As night wraps its cloak around itself

 

NO!

Vile, disgusting w***e of a woman

Not blessed with hands, but claws

Claws which are clumsy, reject

Drop things on their heads

Scratch at each embrace

So though it hurts to be alone, it hurts

So much more and so much worse

To be close...

You can't talk about me.

You can't talk about my tears, they are mine

And you: you are none of this!

The baby in your arms

Is not the same girl

You see today.

She was your daughter

Who you lost.

She may have wanted you to hold her,

Cradle her to sleep.

Not I.

You are egg donar, one generation back

And that faint memory of a woman

Who once had, and then broke

My father.

 

No, baby, not today

Such things, such hurtful things to say

Things no mother should

Ever

Hear from those

Born from them

Quiet, peace. I know

It has hurt, this time, it hurt me too

But let us cast a gentle hand

Not claw, nor spike, a gentle hand

Smoothed with skin

So we can begin

To fix where cracks have shown

You are what you always were

And what you always shall be

That is mine

Don't mention men or others

Just feel the link, unbroken bond

Which exists between

Women and their daughters.

 

Trust is a lifelong promise

That what you will say is what you will do

So why did you promise to look after me

When you dumped me on strangers

That i didnt even fit in with

And into a world where i was the outsider

In my mind my dreams were about you

But then i grew up and tasted reality

On my dehydrated frost bitten lips

On a cold winter night

And i knew you were just another w***e

Nothing special about you

 

I loved you

I never stopped loving you

As real as you are before me in my mind

I love you still

Like daisies growing freely on untended grass

You grew up without me knowing

Daughter my dear?

 

You chose to turn away!

 

I never wanted to leave you

 

Then please, please, go on! Tell me: why was I made an orphan?

 

How can i answer you when you never

 

I don't want to listen to this BULL S**T any more!

 

You prove my point with every uttered word

 

You speak a lot of words, but say nothing.

What's the point in listening?

 

Your rhymes are forced and you believe the lie that they created

I'm still your mother

 

What is a mother, really?

Egg doner one genration back.

 

Flesh and blood and pain and discomfort and agony and unconditional love

 

Love. Love. Love. Empty letters thrown around for empty effects to fall on empty ears and empty eyes

People tricked into believing something when there is nothing

No reason, no purpose

There is no love, mother.

Only hate

And then...

 

And then it starts again

You will be a mother

Look at you, already with child

You should know the love already

 

...This is not love's creation

 

Any life is a creation of love, whether mutual or not

 

Not love. Lonliness.

 

From love comes more than just more love

 

Lonlieness and God's sick sense of humour.

 

At least you still are lucky enough to believe in something that is close to you

 

I believe in nothing but what i see

 

You can't see beyond the edge of your nose.

But you can see me.

 

I see a woman, old and wrinkled, knocking on deaths door in vain

 

Stop...

Author's Note

Harsh as you can, whatcha think?

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Oh! This is such a beautiful piece of writing..
I was so much into it while I was reading it...After like ages have I read any poem so beautiful....
Great great great piece of writing it is!!!
I'm really looking forward to read more of your work soon, very soon...

Thanks a lot for sharing it here! :)

- BK