This Place

An atmospheric poem with an evil edge. One of my random ideas

The sun rises.

As a new day approaches.

Empty sand-

Barren

From the harsh touch.

Of natures cruelty.

No one knows of this place.

Where footprints trail behind-

Fading Into nothingness.

Never to leave a trace.

Bleeding-

Through shattered glass.

Winds do hesitantly whisper.

Stories long forgotten.

Left to spread thin through-

Floating flowers.

Screaming in silence.

Begging-

To be remembered.

The word why-

Is at the tip of your tongue.

But before you can speak

Truth is overcome-

By lies and deceit.

starving with wrong.

For the time will draw nigh.

When the Devil will walk this way.

Following the ashes

That will lead him back

To this place.

Author's Note

This is my first poem idea from being back on the site after a long time. I take criticism well so good or bad reviews are welcome. Thank you.

Reviews

[SleeplessVolcano]

At first I thought that the punctuation was off, but I think you created a clever sensation - stopping thoughts mid-air, and forcing the reader to imagine if it is possible to separate thoughts like that....(and of course it is!!)......the full stop before nature's cruelty, for example, forces a deeper consideration of how cruel nature could be. (and for that matter, humankind too)

In the end, when deception wins, all we have would be the ashes of what once was good and wholesome.

Provocative writing!

[😂]

Sometimes I wonder if it is nature that is cruel, or the systems we build around, with, and within it. I sense struggle and futility in your words, hearkening at not so much nature, but man. Though nature does have its capacities to terrify and inconvenience us. Sad, however, that instead of this fact uniting us, it separates us all too often.

Good words

[Lyn Anderson]

I really like this -- it has a very intense feel. I only stumble over one line -- starving with wrong -- I want to say from instead. But anyhow, a really good poem.

[Haeshin]

What starts out as great imagery transitions into a short but strong message at the end. Not bad.

[Calibaster]

This is great. I loved the stops. — they make it feel more important. Great job, really.

[Tom McRoberts]

This is a great piece. I imagine you spent a lot of time editing and changing the sequence, it shows in how well the final poem reads. Great stuff, keep it up!