Everything Within You

Everything Within You

A Poem by TheUnrulyWriter
"

You are everything and everything is a part of you.

"
She said: "Love me in yourself,
See the Universe within you,
The starlight's in the sky,
In the reflection of your smile"

Then she took my hand in hers
And my breathing to her breast
And inside her, my whole world
Became a black hole of desire

And when the pastel sky awoke
Upon the morning sun's arrival,
On my cheek did press the warmth
From the reflection of her smile.

© 2017 TheUnrulyWriter


Author's Note

TheUnrulyWriter
Did I use quotations properly in the first stanza?

My Review

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Featured Review

In the first stanza, I would delete ending single quote ( ' ) at the end of first 3 lines. Just use starting & ending double quotes.

I feel a deep hole of neediness in this narrator & this intense longing is strongly-stated in your creative words. I'm not sure I like the "black hole of desire" at the end of 2nd stanza. If I were writing this, I would stick with the more light & upbeat themes, such as in the 3rd stanza. Here's an idea: "a bottomless hole of desire" . . . or "throbbing ocean of desire" -- just a couple ideas to spark your imagination. I enjoy a love poem that uses fresh imagery from nature to help us "feel" the lightness of how it can be.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheUnrulyWriter

7 Years Ago

Thanks for the grammatical tips! Dialouge in poety is SOOO confusing for me!!! As for changing "blac.. read more
Sami Khalil

7 Years Ago

You are welcome. ...::::)))))



Reviews

In the first stanza, I would delete ending single quote ( ' ) at the end of first 3 lines. Just use starting & ending double quotes.

I feel a deep hole of neediness in this narrator & this intense longing is strongly-stated in your creative words. I'm not sure I like the "black hole of desire" at the end of 2nd stanza. If I were writing this, I would stick with the more light & upbeat themes, such as in the 3rd stanza. Here's an idea: "a bottomless hole of desire" . . . or "throbbing ocean of desire" -- just a couple ideas to spark your imagination. I enjoy a love poem that uses fresh imagery from nature to help us "feel" the lightness of how it can be.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheUnrulyWriter

7 Years Ago

Thanks for the grammatical tips! Dialouge in poety is SOOO confusing for me!!! As for changing "blac.. read more
Sami Khalil

7 Years Ago

You are welcome. ...::::)))))
A very good message with immense implications. Glad you have penned...:)...............

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TheUnrulyWriter

7 Years Ago

Thank you for the kind review! I'm glad you enjoyed my work :)

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2 Reviews
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Added on July 23, 2017
Last Updated on August 9, 2017
Tags: poem, poetry, nature, philosophy, religion, love, sunrise, universe, starlight

Author

TheUnrulyWriter
TheUnrulyWriter

About
I write stories, poems, and songs. I am a multi-instrumentalist, and I'm always wanting to learn more of 'em. My writing is mostly abstract and focuses on psychological, philosophical, and/or spir.. more..

Writing