Bitter Break

Our love start falling,
when you stop calling.
My tears start running,
when you started acting
funny.

Sadness fill me, and pain
consume my heart.
This bitter break has took
my world apart.

Our troubles came, when
you stated you didn’t feel
the same.

I knew this bitter break
would leave me blue, so
now I’m asking my heart to
get over you.

Unhappiness is now a fact,
and you have burn me so
bad I can’t look back.

Just a reflection of you send
me up a wall.
This bitter break has took my
all, all the joy and happiness
that once exist, your love has
me truly made me sick.

This bitter break is the reason
my heart won’t heal.
This bitter break has left me
drowning in tears.
This bitter break has made
me not want to live.

Were broken up.

Reviews

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I thought you put in good details, but this didn't have the poetic feel of some of your other work. If you read through this and make sure your verbs are all in the same tense, it will really help. There were a couple instances where they abruptly went into present tense, and it destroyed the flow of this.

"Our love start falling" --> "started"
"When you stop calling" --> "stopped"...etc.

Honestly, when I read the first line of a poem and it doesn't make sense, it discourages me from reading the rest.

[Sylo's Rose]

i hate break ups. yes even the one with you. but not the point. I liked this one.

[Rediscovery]

This is an amazing poem for those who are going through a bad break up. I loved the rhyming in it as well. Great job!

[A.E. Surdam]

It's so sad and has such a deep meaning. Lovely!

[Katannaism]

'Our love start(ed) falling'.
This is a beautifully tragic poem! Love the melancholy tone in this! Such raw emotion just engulfs me.

[Tasha]

This was amazing, and the effect you have on the reader as they're reading is just breathtaking. You truly are amazing, please don't ever give up writing!!

[Kathryn]

sadand deep, and another brilliant piece. It might just be me, but I lost the rhymes about half way through, but the effect is brilliant. Well done :)