The End

The first chapter of "The Taste of Death," in which we meet our main character, Will Devante, and see his life take a drastic turn.

            Will’s shadow mirrored his movements like every dark feeling and thought that ran through his mind, being plunged into comforting darkness every time the streetlamps Will walked under flicked out, rending it invisible before it was hatefully dragged back up by that returning light. Will didn’t know where he was going, or what he was going to do when he got there, but he was determined simply to be away; away from what was familiar to him; and in turn, to be away from what caused his misery.

His aimless walking ended at the lake. Weeping willows surrounded it, shrouding it from the rest of the area. The lake was a place that many people enjoyed during the day to relax in the shade of the trees and swim. But it was winter now; the entire lake was crusted over with mud. Moreover, it was the middle of night, and everyone was sleeping.

Will hesitated at the edge; memories of the place flooding back to him; memories of his childhood, when he would walk out on the dried up lake, and just enjoy the amazement of walking on something that was once water. It was one of the only fond memories of his childhood that he had, and even it was tainted.

After a brief pause, he took his first step onto the lake, and continued a few paces until he was in the dead center of it. He glanced around before sitting heavily down on the crusted lake. The music coming from his headphones threaded its way through his mind, distorting and amplifying his misery. He realized suddenly that it was up so high that the sound was hurting his ears. He also realized he didn’t much care.

The bruise on Will’s cheek smarted, and the larger bruise he could feel forming over his ribs ached with every breath, but they felt like nothing in comparison to his shattered consciousness. The cold wind sliced straight through Will’s clothes, causing him to shiver violently. His bare feet attested to the cold as well. He silently cursed himself for not grabbing his shoes or his jacket before he ran out the door. He supposed he had been in too much of a hurry to escape to consider that it was cold outside.

Will pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, burying his face in his knees. He tried to stop shivering so much, but he found it to be a futile effort. So he simply gave up and laid down on the hard ground. He paused his music and pulled the headphones off his head, setting them down next to his legs.

Will stared up at the sky. The vastness of it consumed him, but it could do little to bring his thoughts away from the dark corners of his mind.

“I feel so tiny when I look up at these stars. They’re usually so beautiful, but tonight, I feel like they’re laughing at me.” Will frowned. “Life is such a stupid thing.” Will muttered to himself. “It only continuously takes from you, and gives nothing back but pain. So what’s the point of continuing? I don’t have a future. I never did, and I never will. Who really cares anymore?”

The sudden sound of crunching leaves jolted Will out of his self-destructive thoughts. He scrambled up suddenly, turning around, trying to find the source of the noise. He spotted a man standing in the shadows of one of the weeping willows, back in the direction he had come from. Will couldn’t see the man well, but his stare sent chills down Will’s spine. Will quickly recovered from his shocked state and shouted at the man.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re doing here, but get the hell away from me!” Will turned his back to the man and sat down, in an effort to display his bravery. It was all a show however, as he was deeply disturbed by the thought that the man could have just heard what he had been saying to himself. Despite that fact, out of old habit, he began to mutter again.

“I’m already stuck out here with nowhere to go and nowhere to sleep, and now some stupid man is watching me. Wonderful.” Will heard the leaves crunch again, and he spun around, hoping to see the man retreating. However, he had misjudged the origin of the sound; it had actually come from in front of him. As he turned back, he saw the man standing on the other side of the lake, once again obscured by the shadows of the trees.

This time, Will paid the man more attention. It seemed impossible to him that the man could have moved that far that fast. He figured he must have had a momentary lapse in attention, during which the man could have moved that distance. Nevertheless, as Will watched, the man took one slow step forward out onto the lake, then another step, and another. The man continued his slow advance towards Will, watching him the whole time.

Will stood up slowly, keeping an eye on the man. A panic was slowly creeping up on him; something about this man deeply disturbed him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on the reason. His entire body tensed as he prepared to fight or flee.

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“Hey, I thought I told you to leave me alone!” Will shouted at him. His voice echoed outwards towards the trees, betraying a slight waver. The man remained silent, continuing his slow, determined gait.

Will’s heart was racing. He could feel it hammering away in his chest, pounding so hard he could almost hear it. He worried that the man might be able to hear it himself. Will took a step back as the man came to a stop only a foot from him. His mind was screaming at him to turn tail and run, but something kept him rooted to the spot.

Then the strangest thing happened. The man began to speak.

“You’ve given up on life, have you?” The man’s voice was smooth, but he put a certain sharp emphasis on his words that made them come out sounding threatening. Will was taken aback.

“What do you want from me?” Will asked, sounding angry, but truly curious about the man’s intentions. The man continued as though Will hadn’t spoken.

“But I can tell you’re not the type to give up that easily. ‘I don’t have a future’, you say. ‘What’s the point?’ But you know as well as I that you would fight to your last breath for the future that you supposedly no longer believe in.”

            Will simply stared at the man, unable to come up with a proper response. He could see the man’s smirk, despite the fact that his face was nearly completely obscured by deep shadows.

            “At a loss for words, hmm?” The man circled around Will’s back slowly, stopping behind him and staring up at the stars. “Then let me give you a few.” He turned his sharp gaze back to Will. “Your life is worth more than you believe. Your potential is as vast as this sky of stars above you, yet you are blinded by what sits right before your eyes.” He took a step towards Will. “I won’t allow a soul such as yours to go to waste.” A sudden gleam in the man’s eye brought Will back to his senses.

            “That’s awfully presumptuous of you. You talk as though you know everything about me, when you clearly don’t.”

            “Ah, but don’t I? I’d say it’s presumptuous of you to assume that I know nothing. In fact, I believe I know quite a lot about you, whereas you know absolutely nothing about me. To you, I am but a passing stranger; someone who either poses a threat or who is unimportant.”

          “So which are you?” Will asked, regaining some courage. “A threat to be feared or another worthless person?”

            The man narrowed his eyes. “That all depends on one thing.”

            “And that one thing would be…?”

            “An answer.” Will’s eyebrows knitted together.

            “What answer?”

            “An answer to a simple question.” The man paused for a moment, examining Will’s expression. “What would you do with your freedom?”

            The question gave Will pause. He thought for a moment about it, the idea of why he was even offering an answer not crossing his mind.

            “I would leave this place and never return.” Will began. “I would travel the world and see all it had to offer while surrounding myself with knowledge. There’re so many things I want to do, and I fear I will never be able to do them. But maybe on my deathbed I’ll actually have something to be proud of.” Will didn’t understand why he answered the question so honestly, but perhaps he felt such an honest question deserved an honest answer.

            The man nodded his head slowly, seemingly agreeing with Will’s words.

            “A good answer. And trust me; you’ll have something to say on your deathbed.” He could hear a sense of irony or malice painting the man’s words, but he couldn’t understand the intent behind them.

            “So? Are you a threat or are you just unimportant?”

            “Well, I certainly wouldn’t say I’m unimportant. And I don’t quite think I’d say I was only a threat. I think perhaps I am a threat and a promise.” The man took a step forward. Will took a step back. “One thing I can say for sure is that I’m going to change your life forever.”

            The cruel tone in the man’s voice made Will’s blood run cold. His mind was racing for a plan of action, but he only drew a blank.

            “Do you intend to kill me?” The man smirked.

            “Of course I intend to kill you. But don’t worry; your death won’t injure you in the slightest.” Now underlying Will’s fear was a powerful sense of confusion. He tried to shake it off.

“And if I try to run?”

            “You won’t make it far.” Will believed the man’s words unquestioningly.

            “Just do it, then!” He shouted suddenly.

            “As you wish…” The man lunged forward, grabbing Will’s collar with one hand. Will, despite his assurance that he couldn’t escape, fought against the man’s iron grip with all his strength. Nevertheless, the man grew closer towards him, easily closing the gap between them in a matter of seconds.

            Will inhaled sharply in surprise as he felt the man’s teeth break skin. The pain in his neck was intense, but it quickly subsided to a dull throb.

            A vampire!? But they don’t… and that means…

            Will’s terror washed over him again, reducing his mind to a flurry of incongruent thoughts. He realized that his arms were still shoving at the man, but he was far from being able to consciously control them. His mind was beginning to swim, and his vision was riddled with spots, with darkness approaching rapidly on all sides. His arms grew weak and lost their ability to put any conviction into their punches. His heart was pounding in his ears, leaving him stranded inside his mind, but as he listened, he heard his heart slowing until it was but a faint, distant sound. The vampire withdrew, still holding onto Will’s collar.

            “I won’t apologize for saving you, but I am sorry for this.” The vampire said quietly.

Will felt a sharp pain somewhere just above his stomach, but he was beyond the ability to place exactly where. He looked down, everything moving by in a hazy blur, and he saw unmistakably the handle of a dagger held in the vampire’s grip protruding from just below his rib cage. As Will watched, the vampire slowly pulled the dagger from his abdomen, and blood started to flood from the wound.

            In a delirious state, Will had the brief sensation of falling until he hit the ground with a dull vibration that he could barely feel. He could only see the faintest inkling of his surroundings. His thoughts were muddled, but he held on to consciousness like the last thread of his life.

            Will rolled onto his side, his hands reaching out blindly for a sharp object, seeking in a wild frenzy to end his life before the vampire turned him into a monster. He felt his fingers brush against a stone, and then felt the vampire’s boot slam down on his wrist.

            “Can’t have you giving up now. It’s probably too late at this point to kill yourself by such means anyway.” The vampire crouched down next to Will. Will laid there helplessly, taking in hard, ragged breaths, unable to look away from the vampire’s stare. The vampire smiled. “Don’t worry; it’ll be over before you know it. Then you’ll be free like you’ve always wanted.”

           Will’s muddled brain couldn’t distinguish an emotion from the vampire’s tone, but it sounded oddly genuine. His eyes slowly began to drift closed, and his breathing became shallow.

            So this is it. I’m at the mercy of a monster. My humanity dies here tonight.

Author's Note

I've revised the first sentence. Comments/critiques appreciated.

Reviews

[TLK]

"The streetlamp flickered on and off, distorting Will’s shadow as he walked quickly beneath it."

Focus more on the imagery of the shadow than Will's walking. The adverb 'quickly' sucks the life out of the sentence, making it seem about the pedestrian (ha, a pun!) act of walking. No, this sentence is a powerful foreshadowing of how he will be distorted to become a denizen of the night. Run with this feeling, possess it, make it shine through in your first sentence.

[Dante Allen]

Thank you for the feedback! I'll see if I can rework that sentence some; I did feel that it's a little bland, but I'm still working on it.

[TLK]

Here's a little support for first sentences (from the SF genre, so take it with a pinch o'salt):
read moreHere's a little support for first sentences (from the SF genre, so take it with a pinch o'salt):

Here's the start of Harlan Ellison's I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream: "Limp, the body of Gorrister hung from the pink palette; unsupported hanging high
above us in the computer chamber; and it did not shiver in the chill, oily breeze that blew eternally through the main cavern. The body hung head down, attached to the underside of the palette by the sole of its right foot. It had been drained of blood through a precise incision made from ear to ear under the lantern jaw. There was no blood on the reflective surface of the metal floor. When Gorrister joined our group and looked up at himself, it was already too late for us to realize that, once again, AM had duped us, had had its fun; it had been a diversion on the part of the machine. Three of us had vomited, turning away from one another in a reflex as ancient as the nausea that had produced it. Gorrister went white."

Here's the first line of Alfred Bester's novel The Stars My Destination: "He was one hundred and seventy days dying and not yet dead."

These are the kind of openings that grab a reader.