Entry #3: Difficult Values

Just talking about why the wait from my blog was so long, and how life has been screwing with my ability to complete an Entry.

Short-notice Corrections and Praises

Alright, so I’m going to lead this with a correction. In my last Entry, I incorrectly stated The Killstream rose to fame during the days of Internet BloodSports. More accurately, Ethan credits a stream-sniping of an infamous Baked Alaska stream much earlier as what gained him popularity. He’d started podcasting before then, too, with his wife, the God-Empress Nora (all hail the God-Empress!)

   Also, to give credit where it’s long overdue: Good job, TRR Tonight (aka The Killstream.) You guys managed to do it. Ralph pulled his sh*t together, Gator is making appearances, and Flamenco is back to co-hosting. Randbot is funnier than ever, and the show is going strong. It recovered when everyone was either sure it’d fail, or (like me) was worried it might. We feared it’d suffer the same fate as many of the internet shows spawned from the IBS-era. But it pulled out of its tailspin and is now flying high again on DLive.tv. Kudos, guys.

   Next, I also want to shout out Hannibal and Monty’s 5h1tshow. Monty was the first customer I’ve ever had, buying The Savior Libra from the Smashwords store. Since then, he’s had very good things to say about it and has shouted it out on the 5h1tshow. The amount of support and encouragement I’ve received from them has been amazing. The hosts love to engage with the chat and maintain an eye on it, responding to comments of all kinds and handing out Plunger Points to those who can make them laugh or are insightful. They enjoy supporting independent creators of all kinds. Their perspective is refreshing and their content entertaining.

   I highly recommend anyone who likes a show about sh*tting on pop-culture and such go check out the 5h1tshow. Like, right now. Don’t even finish this Entry. What are you still doing here? GO! But if you miss one of their shows (very few excuses to, since they’re scheduled and publicly announced days in advanced,) Hannibal and Monty are frequent guests on The Drunken Peasants.

   Just make sure you check them out at their Drunken Peasants Underground channel, since ABC was so kind as to strike DP’s main channel for streaming the Democratic debates. Who knew you could copywrite the future of the country?

   Only in America, folks.

The Long Wait

This is one of the few times I’m going to apologize, and it’s over the long wait for this Entry. Normally, I’d do two big articles, but since I’m so behind schedule, I’m going to limit it down to one. I recently broke up with my fiancé of eleven years, which I’ll discuss more in my next Entry. It was a difficult decision to come to, and making it, along with losing myself in my writing to help me deal with it, took up all my time.

Unwanted Duty

So, this is something I’ve only ever thought about, but never really had to act on. My values have finally clashed with my employment. On the second-to-last day of my post at a bank I was recently stationed at back in July, my scheduling manager asked me if I’d accept a temporary posting at a site not far from it. It’d only last the week and would pay more than any other post I’ve been at. There was a catch, though.

   It was a Planned Parenthood Clinic.

   I asked him to give me time to think about it. He gave me two days. Two days to unpack and sort out a lot of baggage that comes with the leader in baby butchery in America. There were, obviously, plenty of reasons not to go, and just wait for the next site (which I’m at now.)

  I didn’t want to sell-out on my values, for one. I’m pro-life and have railed against Planned Parenthood and its profit-based model on killing kids. I’ve pointed out the hypocrisy of women who say, “My body, my right!” and then force their will on the body of someone else. I’ve helped share exposes showing that Planned Parenthood is geared toward abortions being their main “service,” and not only doesn’t provide natal care for women who choose to actually BE a parent, they then inflate their services to lie about how crucial baby butchery is to their business model. There was nothing good about this site on face-value, alone.

  Then there were the connotations of what guarding such a site might imply. Some people are incapable of understanding that just because I keep a site safe, doesn’t mean I support what they do. In fact, I’ve made it obvious over the years that I don’t. And I knew, inevitably, someone would throw that bullsh*t my way, because they can’t understand that it’s not just my job, but my ethical duty to make sure that even people I don’t agree with are kept safe. (Obviously, this doesn’t extend to Antifa’s terrorism. Terrorists make their bloody beds; they can lie in them.) Hell, for all I know, they could change their mind and decide to keep the baby, which means they made the right choice. So, why allow someone with the chance to make the right choice to be exposed to any risk?

   And that was it. With that, I knew what I had to do. I ended up taking the assignment.

   Spoiler alert: I lasted two days. Two... out of five. And it was, if you hadn’t guessed already, my values that got me booted. Go figure, huh? There very morals I hold dear yet set aside for something I saw as a greater duty, bit me in the a*s. Don’t worry, though, the irony doesn’t end there.

   My first day, my branch manager and I had a talk. He told me about being friendly with the protestors--contrary to my default stance, which was to stay the hell away from anyone who might have social media accounts and the ability to record my face. He also asked me my views and, after telling him, if I felt comfortable.

   OF COURSE, I WASN’T COMFORTABLE!

   However, I was thinking about my duty and placing it above myself, so I put my discomfort aside and bit the bullet. Then, the woman managing the clinic asked me my views. I told her, and she seemed rather unfazed, to tell the truth. She treated me as if I’d shown up with a sign saying, “Just do it!” with designs of various abortion tools scattered around the margins.

   So, I conducted my duty as best I could the first day, with nothing interesting happening. I sat in the lobby, women came in, waited, went behind the doors, then left. We all know what happened. However, one woman never made it through those doors, leaving well before. That made me feel good to see that. Another was turned away in the parking lot by a protestor and directed to the pregnancy clinic across the street.

   It was the second day where I had a problem. Now, I need to be absolutely neutral during my shift. Switzerland wasn’t sitting the fence as hard as I was. But a concern was raised. There was this little sh*t of a protestor. Now, he and I (I thought) were on the same side morally, if not socially at the moment. But by the end of the day, I wanted to take his megaphone and shove it down his throat.

   Yes, he had a f*cking megaphone.

   So, apparently, he was known for bringing this thing every week. This was my first hint that things could get hairy with this schmuck. Someone who brings a megaphone to a protest that consists of all of five old people and himself (he was probably around 20,) and NO counter-protestors, is probably pretty quick to jump to being a complete a*s.

   Oh, boy did he. I’m pretty sure he’s a fundamentalist and isn’t capable of thinking any higher about the Bible other than literally. He proved that with how bare his rhetoric was of nuance.

   Within minutes of arriving, this guy was yelling from the sidewalk at people sitting out in their cars, forcing them to come into the clinic to get away from his self-righteousness. Now, let me tell you: this punk had NO idea how close he came to having his lights knocked out. I had to talk a man twice his size out of doing that, since the little sh*tter was lobbing comments like “coward” at anyone he saw.

   Riddle me this: if you want to keep people from aborting children, and you see your current tactic is literally making them seek refuge in a place that does just that, wouldn’t you think a change in method is in order? Let me remind you: he hadn’t started using the megaphone yet.

    Then he finally turned it on.

   I’m a Christian (such a surprise, huh?) Granted, I’m bisexual and have some unconventional views of the Bible (like how it was paraphrased at the time by God in His wisdom to fit the limited intellect of those reading it, and that six days to God can, theoretically, last 14 billion years for us,) but still a Christian. I walked up to this kid for the first time, thinking we could reach a mutual understanding. My job is to keep everyone safe. Including him. Him getting his sh*t kicked in or something would mean I failed at my duty. I prefer taking preventative measures, instead of having to react to a really bad situation.

   I introduced myself and approached with some common ground: we’re both Christian and both pro-life. This was to keep him from getting confrontative and starting a scene that might escalate. And it was a mistake in two ways: in the eyes of the PP manager, it endeared me to the protestor; in the eyes of the protestor, it gave him something to use against me so he could really be holier than thou.

   (Quick moral of the story: when we’re in the middle, both sides think you’re against them.)

   I also explained how, as a security officer, it was my job to keep both parties safe. Pretty tricky in a situation like this, especially when I see myself as, partially, on the wrong side, morally. He tried to say that I was allowing it to happen and equated it to guarding the gates of Auschwitz. More than just a bit of a false equivalency. One of those was an evil the entire world would unite to fight and stop. The other is a crisis of morality where we DON’T want to physically harm those participating. 75 years ago, I would’ve gladly taken an M1 Grand to liberate Concentration Camps and kill any Nazi in my way.

   These women aren’t Nazis, though, and that hyperbolic comparison isn’t going to help your case. (Baby butcher is much more apt, anyway.)

   I had an agenda, I’ll admit: eat up as much of his allotted time to use his megaphone as possible. So, I got him talking. Then I found an excuse to carry on my patrol and went inside for a bit, then went back out to eat more time. I repeated this process for about an hour and a half.

   During this time, he denounced any interpretation of the Bible other than his, tried to convince me I was a deviant for being bi (despite preferring and choosing women--not letting hm know that extended to young guys who look like women, too) and twisting my words to change his method of calling people “cowards” in favor of supporting them into saying that he’s “lying” about whatever. Here was my unmistakable, well explained point: instead of telling people “you’ll burn in Hell!” for being here, tell them they’ll know a parent’s love. The carrot works better than the stick, right?

   This little f*ckwit twisted that into something about “not speaking only the Bible’s truth means I want him to lie.” Wow. If that’s what he genuinely thinks, then he’s missing out on A LOT of life God wants him to live. We get it, c*m-stain: everything in life is a gift from God. And no one is telling you not to praise Him for it. But going an making me out to be the bad guy for not being on my knees 24/7 for Him doesn’t make you a better Christian.

   Then, as I warned him of how he’s at risk of getting his a*s kicked, a risk I’m doing my best to mitigate, he spouts about the Disciples being beaten for speaking the truth about God. Newsflash, kid: you’re not a disciple. You, at best, are looking more and more like a hipster.

   He must’ve tried to sell the idea of knowing a couple who’d adopt a child from one of the women for about five minutes. Out of an entire hour and a half, and only after everyone was already forced inside. Oi, dipsh*t, don’t you think that’s something you could’ve said to the couples you were forcing inside, instead of calling them cowards?

   What a little putz.

   Now, being the good little subordinate I was trained to be by the Corps, I informed the manager of these interactions. Including trying to find enough common ground with this punk to make him listen. She didn’t like the sound of that. She told me it shook her confidence in my ability to remain neutral. Not to do my job, but to work for them while seemingly aligning with the protestors. To be honest, I found that a little offensive, but since I’m not an SJW running on an NPC script, I had the self-discipline to keep it to myself.

   Even the PP manager said that it was unfair of my own headquarters office, who knew my values and the reservations I had, to put me in this sort of position. Funny thing, though, was that both she and I were willing to tough out the rest of the week, day by day. It was HQ that removed me. Still kept me in Madison, keeping me closer to the center, where nothing seems to make sense. (This one site wanted me to work there... and pay them to do so. Yeah, that’s a little backward, huh?)

   Pretty sure I’m being punished by God for going back on my values, no matter my good intentions.

Future or Upcoming Book/News/Promotions/Plans/Reminders

Working away at writing chapter 12 out of 23 of The Staff of Power. Still updating character profiles whenever I get a little writer’s block. Writing it out by hand is slow, but I prefer it.

    Robyn’s currently editing section 13 of The Savior Libra. Not much else to report about that.

   I removed Faerie Quest from Patreon, realizing how stupid it’d been to put it up. It’s meant for teens, who don’t always have a regular income to be throwing away monthly on a single chapter at a time. I was, effectively, hiding it behind a paywall. Instead, I’m working on a far more adult story to do.

   Once again, I’ll be putting Faerie Quest here on Writers’ Cafe, instead. Eventually, once I get a few chapters down the line and iron out any kinks.

   Chapter 1 of Pizza Deli is up, and already got reviewed, too! … It wasn’t positive, heh.

Conclusion

Well, this was an overdue update on everything, and (again) I’m sorry for that. Not doing a very good job on keeping to a schedule, huh? But between having to hop back and forth between sites across the state (eating up time and gas) and getting over the breakup, things have been hard on me here at home. Don’t worry, I’ll spill the beans soon.

   Obviously, from now on, my time will be spent socializing, while also trying to settle into the new site I got assigned. I keep getting batted back and forth between the middle of the state and somewhere local. Not convenient at all.

Closing

In closing, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Come back again sometime. Be kind to your fellow man, tip your waitresses and cabbies, and please check out my other work both here and your favorite retailers!

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