Part Two ~ Carlisle Cullen -- Chapter One

Ah, the start of Carlisle's PoV. Hehh, yeah, its kinda depressing, but, aren't I known for the depressing fanfics? LOL.

 

Carlisle Cullen

 

   I was wandering through the forest, letting my mind wander. I couldn’t believe what Esme had just done. No; not that she had left to end her life. It was what she said before she left.

   Just seeing her face, contorted with pain and guilt, saying that it wasn’t true love anymore hurt me more than one could bear. I leaned gently against a tree, letting my eyelids droop shut.

   A scream tore through the air from somewhere far away, snapping me out of my trance.

   “CARLISLE!” The voice sounded like Jamie. Why she was screaming my name, I wasn’t sure. I whipped around, following the sound of her voice to where she was.

   I burst through the large, dark green pine trees, and looked at Jamie. She was knelt down by a body, her golden eyes darker than before, and pained. I let my gaze travel to the body, and instantly recognized it.

   Even with her back to me, I could tell who it was.

   Esme. My wife.

   My beloved, beautiful wife.

   I took a few steps forward to the two, not being able to take my eyes off of Esme’s body. I stopped next to her, and my knees buckled. Her back was to me; and I gently put my hand on her shoulder, turning her over so she lay on her back. I quietly gasped.

   “No,” I whispered, my entire body starting to tremble at the sight before me.

   She’d stabbed herself. I could tell by the deep puncture wound in her chest, and the dark red blood seeping around it and rapidly spreading and soaking her torso. I caught sight of the knife, that was on the grass a few yards away. I had almost forgotten Jamie was there, too.

   “She did what made her happy, isn’t that a good thing?” She said quietly. I didn’t look at her. I didn’t know whether or not that was a good thing – it made her happy. But, what about the rest of us?

   “Why her?” I choked, not being able to manage much more. Jamie shrugged.

   “She did what she thought was best.”

   Despite my overwhelming shock and sadness caused by this situation, my fists clenched.

   “That isn’t for the best! Nothing is worth a life,” I nearly hissed, my gaze snapping up to look at Jamie. Her expression didn’t change.

   “You’re right, Carlisle,” she said. “She knew that.”

   “How would you know if she knew it?”

   “Just by her personality. It can be quite easy to tell whether or not someone knows something just by the way they act.” Jamie shrugged. I was quiet for a moment, looking down at my wife’s forever-unmoving body.

   Then I realized something.

   She’d said that herself. She’d said that nothing is worth your life.

   She’d said it to Edward; when he was depressed after leaving Bella after her eighteenth birthday.

   She’d said it herself; yet denied it anyway.

   I didn’t realize until Jamie reached over to put her hand gently on my shoulder that I had begun to shake uncontrollably, and was extremely tense, staring at Esme’s body with un unblinking gaze.

   “You’ll be all right,” Jamie comforted me. I shook my head slightly.

   “No. No, I won’t. Not without her,” I replied in a whisper. Jamie squeezed my shoulder.

   “Yes, you will. We’ll make sure of it. But, now, um, we should do something with her body…”

   I gulped and nodded. But, well, I didn’t know exactly what to do.

   “Should we…. Burn her?” I said quietly. Jamie thought for a moment.

   “I suppose. I mean, it would dispose of everything, so, if anyone was to come here, they wouldn’t find a bloody dead body –” I cut her off then.

   “Okay, I get it.” I stood up off the ground shakily, and Jamie did the same.

 

   After our little… Ritual there, Jamie went home. She’d tried to get me to come back with her, but I said that I’d stay. I wasn’t exactly ready to go home yet; since I knew that everyone would be wondering what had happened and interrogating me, so, I stayed in that tiny clearing for God knows how long.

   After looking at the ashes left over from the fire one last time, I stood up. I kept my eyes on the small patch of black for another long moment. 

   “I love you,” I murmured, before turning around and silently wandering back to the house.

 

   I walked back in to the large, white house silently, avoiding anyone’s gaze that was set on me. I looked up at Edward’s voice.

   “Carlisle? Are you okay?” He asked, I hesitated, then nodded, walking over to the stairs.

   “Are you really?” Jamie put in. I stopped mid-step, glancing at her. I looked down when I saw the concern in her eyes. I slightly shook my head.

   “No,” I said almost silently. Before anyone could ask anything else; I went up the stairs, stopping in my study. I sat on the rather large leather chair behind the mahogany desk; looking around at the towers of books and volumes I had stuffing the bookshelves. None of them on “how to deal with the death of the core of your existence”. I sighed, dropping my gaze to stare blankly at the floor.

   I didn’t go back downstairs for some time. I’d stayed in my office for what felt like days, but, according to the small clock on the wall, it’d only been a couple hours.

   I looked up, to see Alice standing in the doorway.

   “What?” I mumbled.

   “Jeez, I come up here to see how you’re doing after the death of your wife and all I get is WHAT?!” Alice walked further into the room, perching lightly on the edge of the desk.

  “Well, I’m sorry I can’t be all cheerful for you,” I replied, bitterly. Alice blinked.

   “You get weird when you’re depressed, you know that?”

   I just stared at her, not saying anything for a moment.

   “Most people are,” I finally said. “I’m sure you would be, too.”

   Alice shrugged.

   “Maybe,” she said. “But, as for my original purpose of being here, are you okay?”

   I looked down from her then, my eyes sweeping all the books, folders and documents that lay randomly on the desk. I nodded.

   “Never better,” I muttered. Alice looked at me disapprovingly.

   “No, you’re not.” She crossed her arms over her chest, her gaze unwavering. I sighed.

   “It doesn’t matter, Alice,” I answered. She didn’t let up on her stare.

   “Yeah, it does. I mean, are you gonna go through life now all depressed and emoish?”

   I sighed.

   “No, Alice. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but, I won’t be ‘emoish’,” I replied. “I’ll probably just end up killing myself, too,” I whispered to myself. Alice heard me.

   “No! No, you’re not, Carlisle!” She whined. “We need you. You’re our father, you aren’t going anywhere.”

   I didn’t reply. Okay, maybe I wouldn’t exactly kill myself. But, I’d find some way to die.

   I couldn’t live without Esme; and they knew it. So, why Alice was being so difficult, I don’t know.

   “Really, Carlisle. If you try to do anything, I’ll know.” Alice tapped her forehead with her index finger. She then walked out of the room, leaving me sitting there, alone.

   Well, I guess I’d better get used to being alone all the time; it’s not like it would change.

 

   “You know, Carlisle, you should go back to work for a little bit. You haven’t been in a while, and it’ll help to get your mind off Esme,” Bella said. I’d finally decided to come out of my isolated office; since I had been there for at least a few days. I looked over at her.

   “I don’t know,” I replied. Bella looked at me disapprovingly, crossing her arms over her chest.

   “You should.” She moved her arm to put her hand on Renesmee’s shoulder, who was standing next to her. I looked down at my granddaughter, and she stared back at me with the big, chocolate brown eyes of hers.

   “Just go, Grandpa,” she agreed with Bella. Bella smirked at me, looking smug. I stifled a sigh, giving up.

   “I suppose,” I muttered. “You two are right.” I turned around, walking towards the door. I swiftly grabbed my coat from the hanger, and headed out to the garage, to my car. I slid into the driver’s seat of my smooth, glossy black Mercedes, and sped off in the direction of the hospital.

   I finally reached the place of my work, my sanctuary, almost. I walked silently into the main foyer, avoiding anyone’s gaze that happened to rest on me.

   “Dr. Cullen! Where’ve you been lately?” I hard someone ask, not instantly recognizing the voice like usual. I looked up from the white tiled floor, to see that it was Dr. Snow.

   “Oh, I… I’ve been around,” I replied.

   “I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s it going?”

   I hesitated to answer that question. Normally, most people would just say that “everything was fine” or “great”. As much as I wanted to lie and say that, I couldn’t. It would bring too much guilt upon me to pretend nothing was wrong; even just for a few short seconds to answer an everyday question.

   “Fine.” Idiot! I scolded myself, mentally. Dr. Snow smiled.

   “Good,” he said. “Well, I’ve got to go; you know, work to do, patients to tend to.” He smiled warmly, and walked away. I headed off in the opposite direction, towards my office.

   I walked into the rather small room, and instead of hanging my coat as I normally would, I let it fall from my hand onto the chair in the corner of the room. I sighed, sitting down at my desk. Gee, this felt familiar. I let my gaze sweep over all the files scattered across the wooden desktop; files I had neglected; things I hadn’t done when I was supposed to. My eyes finally reached the framed picture on the corner of the desk, and I didn’t look away from it. It was picture of Esme and I; one Alice had taken a while ago without our noticing. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her; her perfect face, her glittering golden eyes, her soft caramel waves. If only there was some way that the picture could come to life; for the whole world to push through it so everything could go back to the way it used to be.

   Yeah. If only.

   My thoughts were interrupted when someone opened the door slightly and peeked their head in. I looked up, noticing that it was one of the nurses, named Jackie.

   “Come in,” I invited dryly. Jackie pushed open the door further, and took a step inside. I could tell that she was trying to ‘accentuate her features’, as I called it. Jackie had always been the one after me the most. Not that the other nurses weren’t the same way; she was just more… Flamboyant. I couldn’t even remember half of the countless times that I had to tell her I was married.

   Well, I suppose I wouldn’t have to do that anymore.

   “Um, Dr. Cooper needs you in Emergency. Sixteen year old girl got hurt, and he said he needs some help,” Jackie told me. I nodded once, and stood up.

   “Thanks,” I murmured, lightly brushing past her into the hallway.

   “Oh, and Carlisle,” she called after me. I stopped abruptly; shocked that she actually called me by my first name. “I heard about your wife. I’m sorry.”

   I hesitated before turning around to face her.

   “… Thanks,” I said quietly, probably barely loud enough for her to hear. How had Jackie, of all people, know about Esme’s death? I hadn’t even told anybody; unless one of the family had called or something.

   I reached the Emergency Room, where I found Dr. Cooper bent over a girl, I assumed the sixteen year old who had gotten injured. He looked up.

   “Hi,” he said quickly, before going back to work.

   “You needed me?” I asked, walking closer to him and the girl, who appeared to be unconscious. Dr. Cooper nodded.

   “Yes; I think she has a lot of broken bones in her leg. Could you make sure?” he said. I nodded, starting to examine the girl’s leg.

   After a few minutes, I began to wonder.

   “Do you know what happened to her?” I inquired. Dr. Cooper glanced at me for a brief second.

   “Yeah. I’m pretty sure she attempted suicide.”

   At that, I froze. Sixteen year old girl, broken leg, attempted suicide. That just sounded much too familiar. Cooper stopped and looked at me.

   “Hey, you okay? You look paler than ever,” he commented. I didn’t answer him, and just seemed to stare straight through him.

   “Carlisle! What’s the matter?” he asked again.

   “I… I can’t help her, Joe,” I whispered.

   “What? What are you talking about? You have to help her!”

   “I just can’t okay?”

   Cooper looked at me again.

   “Carlisle, what’s gotten into you?” he asked quietly. I bit my lower lip, eyes flashing once.

   “You wouldn’t understand,” I nearly growled, before turning on my heel and walking away. I took off my white lab coat, balling it up and throwing it in the corner. I pushed through the door at the end of the hall, and just kept walking, not stopping anywhere along the way.

   No; Cooper didn’t understand. He never would; unless he got married.

   I just couldn’t take the pain of treating a case that was exactly the same as my wife’s; it was just too much.

Author's Note

Eh, ignore typos and such. But, i hope you all like iiitt.... xD

Reviews

[Sam]

I really think that your's is SO much better than mine! It's soooooooooooooo awesome! So hows it going?

~Sam~

[Zippy]

AWSOME!!! more!