Part One ~ Esme Cullen

The first part to the fanfic - From Esme Cullen PoV. =P

 

Unexpected Disaster

 

ESME CULLEN

 

   The only thing on my mind was the Voice. The Voice and the pain; nothing else. The smooth, almost melodic Voice in my head wouldn’t leave me alone; no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, to block it out, it just kept on talking. I stifled yet another whimper of both terror and pain, clenching and unclenching my fists at random moments. I relaxed when the stabbing pain in my head decreased some.

   See? This isn’t so bad, is it? The Voice said. I could almost picture it smiling innocently; if only I knew what or who the hell it was. I didn’t reply to it – hoping that it would eventually take the hint that I hated it and would leave. I tried to concentrate on fighting my way through the darkness, to go back to the way everything was before. To answer my husbands pleading voice, to just be normal.

   At that point, my hearing came back ever so slightly. I could hear the others in the room talking quietly; or so it seemed to me. I could make out some of the conversation between Carlisle and Amanda – a new vampire who had recently joined the coven.

   “I know how I could help her,” Amanda said, “but, I don’t think you’ll like it.”

   “How?” Carlisle replied. It hurt me even more to hear the obvious pain in his voice. He shouldn’t have to feel that way; not because of me.

   “It’s kinda hard to explain,” Amanda answered quietly. Carlisle hesitated before saying anything more.

   “Try. Please,” he whispered. I wasn’t sure whether he meant try to explain, or try what Amanda said she could do; but I didn’t have time to consider it, as everything fell into complete and utter darkness.

 

   After what felt like hours, my eyelids finally decided to let me open them. I blinked a few times, my gaze flickering nervously around the room. I tried to prop myself up on my elbow, and did successfully so, before Carlisle threw his arms around me in a hug that nearly crushed me.

   “Ow, jeez, head rush,” I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment. I opened them again, looking at everybody in the room. Jamie, Amanda, Carlisle (obviously), Zafrina, Serena, and Edward. Jamie was grinning at me, her face lit up. Well, I was used to that.

   “What happened?” I asked, rather quietly, leaning my head lightly on Carlisle’s shoulder, letting my eyelids droop shut again. He hesitated before answering; I could sense the tenseness of his muscles.

   “Um…” He began, as if he weren’t sure of what to say, “You kinda fainted. And nearly died.”

   My eyes snapped open at that.

   “I nearly died?” I repeated, pulling away slightly to stare at Carlisle. He bit his lower lip, and nodded. Well, that’s the second time. I suppose I might as well go for the record, I thought, sarcastically.

   “’Go for the record’?” Serena repeated. Well, damn. She must’ve been paying attention my thoughts.

   “It was sarcastic, Serena,” I replied.

   “Still.”

   I sighed, not answering her. I glanced around the room again, trying not to meet anyone’s gaze, as they were all staring at me. Carlisle hugged me again, and pain shot through my head.

   “Ow… Carlisle, let go,” I said, my eyebrows scrunching together. He mustn’t have heard me, or something of that sort, since he didn’t let go.

   “Carlisle, really! You’re making it worse,” I said again, shifting to put my arm over my eyes. Carlisle loosened his grip then, letting me lean back against the pillows. I moved my arm, noticing for the first time that Aro was standing in the very back of the room. I watched Jamie turn to look at him.

   “Well? What’s wrong with her? Do you know?” She shot at him. Aro just stood, seemingly dumbstruck.

   “I… I’m not sure. I never really knew it was possible for vampires to faint and nearly die like that,” he replied, his milky red eyes flicking over to stare at me. I quickly looked away, not wanting to look at him. It always felt weird looking straight into Aro’s eyes; like they were going to swallow you up in milky, almost powdery red abyss.

   “You’ve got to know something,” Jamie insisted, still staring at Aro. Aro shrugged.

   “I honestly don’t know, Jamie,” he said, returning his gaze to Jamie. I turned over onto my side, not wanting to listen anymore. The pain had come back to my head, and I just needed to be alone right then. With nobody else around, nobody at all. Not even Carlisle.

   “She wants to be alone,” Zafrina said quietly to everyone else, looking at me. She must’ve heard that in my thoughts. A few of them backed towards the door.

   “No, I’ll go,” I said quickly, turning over again and propping myself up on my elbow to look at everybody.

   “We will,” Zafrina insisted, suddenly at my side, pushing my shoulders back down onto the pillow. I looked down. Everybody else had left the room, with the exception of Zafrina and Carlisle.

   “Come on, Carlisle. I’ll tell you if anything happens,” Zafrina said, now looking at Carlisle. He hesitated, before squeezing my hand once more, and standing up. He walked reluctantly out the door, and Zafrina shut it behind the both of them. I sunk further down into the bed, turning over again, to stare out the window. I sighed, feeling helpless, insignificant. I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before all of this happened – so I could be normal. So I wouldn’t randomly faint and nearly die. So I wouldn’t have everyone constantly crowding around my half-dead body, and worrying. They had bigger things to worry about than me. I could almost feel the non-existent tear sliding down my cheek as I stared at the forest through the window.

 

   I don’t know how long I was alone in there; keeping track of time was pointless. I listened intently in on the conversation that I could hear going on downstairs. Something between mostly Aro, Jamie, and Carlisle, I believe.

   “Aro, you just got here, you shouldn’t leave just yet. And, what about Esme?” I heard Jamie ask.

   “Like I’ve said how ever many times, I don’t know,” Aro replied. Carlisle fake-coughed.

   “Well, neither do we. So, this is just wonderful. Isn’t it?” He scoffed, sarcastically. Aro didn’t reply.

   “Just, don’t leave yet,” Jamie said quietly, almost too quiet for me to hear.

   “What’s my purpose of being here, then?”

   “Well, what if something happens?”

   “Like what kind of something?”

   Carlisle interceded then.

   “Like, oh, I dunno… Esme dies?”

   “Yeah! Like that! Or the wolves, or, um… GLOBAL WARMING!” Jamie said, panicked. I heard Aro try to stifle a sigh.

   “I’m not sure what to do about Esme, so forget it, the wolves have their own problems, and, what the hell can I do about global warming?” He replied. I could almost picture him raising a papery eyebrow, tilting his head to the side. I sunk further down into the bed, not wanting to listen anymore.

   “If they don’t know what to do, maybe they should just let me die. It’d be a lot easier…” I mumbled to myself, hoping none of them were paying attention to me in particular. I resumed eavesdropping on the conversation when I heard what Jamie said next.

   “I… I don’t, it’s just, you wouldn’t… I… I-I-I,” she stuttered. Aro cleared his throat.

   “Are you having some kind of spaz attack?”

   “No, not at all, sir,” Jamie replied quickly. The three of them were quiet for a moment.

   “So, why am I still here?” Aro inquired. Neither Jamie nor Carlisle answered.

   “Because Esme just said we should let her die, that’s why!” Carlisle blurted. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing he hadn’t said that. I waited for the moment, when I would start hearing worried and confused murmurs from the rest; but that moment didn’t come. What came next was even worse.

   “Because I’ve missed you! It’s weird not having anyone tell me what to do! I’ve lived in a castle for too long to have this much freedom. At the castle I feel at home; I love it here but I also love it there,” Jamie said shakily. Aro hesitated before speaking.

   “Um…” he began. “Do you want to go back?”

   “Whatever you want to do, Jamie,” Carlisle said quietly. I assumed Jamie had turned to him for help.

   “Yes, sir,” Jamie said to Aro. I heard Chloe hiss.

   “Never!” She snarled.

   “Don’t go!” Alice exclaimed. She must’ve come back in from outside.

   “If you need someone to boss you around and lock you up, I’ll do it!” Justin interjected.

   “Me, too,” Alice said. I heard Carlisle stifle a sigh.

   “If you want to o, we won’t stop you,” he whispered. I heard a small crack; Alice must’ve slapped him, to shut him up.

   “Don’t listen to him! Don’t leave, Jamie, please!” She exclaimed. Everyone else was quiet for a very long time – I assumed they were waiting for Jamie’s verdict.

   “I’m staying here, Aro,” she finally decided. I heard many of the rest let out their breath in relief.

   “If it makes you happier,” Aro said. I could almost see him shrugging it off.

   “Thank you!” Carlisle said happily. I knew he had probably threw his arms around Jamie in a big hug – I mean, he sorta had a tendency to do that, sometimes. A few moments passed, then Jamie spoke again.

   “Hey, doctor, you’re wife needs you.”

   My shoulders slouched, and I sighed. She just had to bring me up again, didn’t she?

   “I know,” Carlisle sighed. “I… I don’t know what to do about her, though.”

   “Then don’t do anything!” I muttered to myself, through clenched teeth. Well, we were back to square one. I barely even noticed that Chloe had come up, sitting on the edge of the bed.

   “Hey,’ she greeted me quietly.

   “Um, hi,” I said hesitantly, glancing at her. I looked up again, noticing that Carlisle had silently appeared in the doorway. Chloe looked at him.

   “Oh, um, I’ll leave you two alone,” she said quickly, before getting up and backing out the door. Carlisle took Chloe’s place on the edge of the bed. He looked at me, his eyes concerned.

   “You okay?” He asked quietly. I nodded, and he raised an eyebrow.

   “You don’t seem it.”

   “Why does it matter?” I replied. Carlisle hesitated for a moment.

   “It matters because… Because…” He said, trailing off in mid-sentence. He looked down at the floor, then back up at me.

   “Why do you want us to let you die?”

   I sighed, not wanting to answer. This was exactly the topic I didn’t want him to bring up.

   “I just think it would be easier for all of us if you did,” I began, “it would put me out of a hell of a lot of misery, and, well, you wouldn’t have to strain yourself anymore.”

   Jamie had come up the stairs, stopping next to Carlisle.

   “Esme, why on Earth would you think that?” She asked. I shrugged.

   “Because… It would! It would be much easier if I did, um… Die…” I replied, my voice getting quieter on the last few words of my sentence. Jamie sighed.

   “Esme,” she began, rubbing her temples, “we love you, Carlisle loves you, if he didn’t he wouldn’t have created you. You’re our mother, where would we be without you. In a ditch! Trust me, I know, well all love and care for you, we’ll never leave you,” she said. I thought about what she said for a moment, then just looked at the floor.

   “I know, Jamie… But, sometimes, you just have to do what’s best,” I said quietly. Carlisle stared at me in disbelief.

   “How is that for the best?!” He asked.

   “It… It just is, okay?”

   Justin then poked his head in the door.

   “Esme, you’re not someone’s pet; you’re a vampire,” he said, then left. I stared at where he had disappeared.

   “Um, what?” I said, one eyebrow rose.

   “You know how some people put their pet down I its suffering? I think that’s what he means,” Jamie explained, glancing over at where Justin had left.

   “Ha,” I said without humor, “I didn’t really mean it like that. In the sense of the whole putting-down thing. I meant it like… Like…” I trailed off, not exactly sure what I meant it like. Carlisle stifled a sigh.

   “It doesn’t matter how you meant it. I’m not letting you die,” he said. I could tell that he was trying to sound firm; but I could hear the pain hinting in his voice. I glanced at him.

   “Let me? What do you mean, you won’t let me?” I asked, my voice almost disapproving.

   “I won’t allow you to. That’s what I mean.”

   “I can make my own choices, Carlisle,” I muttered. Carlisle hesitated for a second.

   “Yes, you can. But; you shouldn’t even be considering killing yourself. Do you realize what it would do to me if you did?” He asked, rhetorically.

   “I’m sure you’d get over it,” I mumbled. Jamie shook her head.

   “You aren’t gonna die, even if we have to pry you from death’s fingers,” she told me, sternly. I looked at her.

   “You won’t be prying me from anything,” I replied.

   “Uh, yeah, we will. If you even try to hurt yourself, I’ll be there with a rope, dragging you out of it,” Carlisle said through clenched teeth.

   “Oh, gee, that’s encouraging!”

   Carlisle opened his mouth to reply, but Edward interrupted him by walking in then.

   “Um, Carlisle? Can I borrow you for a moment?” He asked. Carlisle looked anxiously at Edward, then back at me.

   “Just go,” I snapped.

   Carlisle was only gone for a few minutes. I didn’t bother wondering what Edward had needed him for – I just concentrated on the fact that I was finally somewhat alone. During my little thought, Carlisle jumped through the window again. He looked at me as if he had some kind of idea.

   “Whatever you’re thinking, Carlisle, I won’t do it. I’m not changing my mind,” I said, my jaw clenched. He sighed, sitting down next to me again.

   “You need something.”

   “Yeah, I know exactly what I need. But, someone won’t allow it, will they?”

   “No, I won’t. And you know why. Why do you even want to kill yourself in the first place?” Carlisle inquired, his eyes saddened. I took in a deep breath.

   “Apart from the obvious, you, of all people, should know.”

   Carlisle raised one eyebrow.

   “And how would I know?” He asked. I shrugged.

   “Well, you know me the best out of everyone else. How could you not know?” I replied.

   “Because this hasn’t happened before. You’ve totally gotten me by surprise with all of this.”

   “Well, just forget and let me do it, Carlisle,” I said, putting enough acid in my voice to make him almost flinch.

   “Yes, it does,” Carlisle said quietly, gently putting his hand over mine.

   “No, it doesn’t! Can’t you just let it go and let me make my own choices? I know you’ll get over it,” I retorted, snapping my hand away from his. Carlisle didn’t reply, looking hurt. Rosalie walked in then.

   “Esme, we can’t live without you, we can’t stand alone. Without you and Carlisle; it would only be us kids; and, well, you know how the others are,” she said, the corner of her mouth pulling up in a half-smile for about a seventy-sixth of a second. I sighed.

   “Carlisle would still be here, Rosalie. The only less person you would have would be me,” I replied, dropping my gaze to the floor. It’s not like anyone, cares, anyways, I thought. Rosalie looked at me, her expression disapproving.

   “You know Carlisle would be nothing without you,” she pointed out. I hesitated for a moment.

   “He’d get over it,” I mumbled, not bothering to look at either of them. Carlisle stifled a sigh.

   “Esme, she’s right. Where did all this come from, anyways?” 

   “Like you don’t know! With all this crap that happens to me already, with the damn fainting and creepy voices, I’m probably already dying!” I shot back, my gaze snapping up to glare at him.

   “Esme…” Rose said, sounding as if she were about to burst into tears. But, of course, that wasn’t possible.

   “What?!” I hissed back.

    “What happened to you, Esme?” She said quietly. I swallowed, shrugging lightly.

    “I don’t even know,” I whispered. Carlisle stared at me sadly. Without warning, he threw his arms around me, hugging me to his chest.

   “Don’t do it. Please. I love you,” he murmured, not letting go. I struggled to escape his grip.

   “I will do it. And none of you can do anything about it,” I announced, standing up off the bed a little too quickly. I stumbled a little, but caught myself on the wall. Rosalie just stared at me.

   “Really, what’s gotten to you? You’re not even Esme anymore,” she said, looking like an innocent child. I hesitated for a second, not wanting to answer.

   “I know, Rose. I don’t even know what’s happened to me. Like it even matters, anyways.” I turned around so my back was facing them, and looked out window. Rose got up and walked over to me.

   “Love puts things back in the right place. But, this isn’t the right place, Esme. Look at you; you’re pushing Carlisle away like you don’t love him anymore,” she said. I looked down, not sure what to say to that. I did still love him. That would never change. Neither Carlisle nor Rose said anything more for a minute, and I glanced back at them, then to the floor.

   “I – can’t think about this anymore,” I said in a small voice; before just jumping out the window. I didn’t bother to look where I had landed before I started walking.

   Well, my escape plan didn’t go well.

   Rose just had to follow me, didn’t she?

   Of course she did! That’s Rose for ya!

   “Esme, you have to look true love in the face, not from the back! You’re running away from this! Remember what was said at your wedding,” she said to me, catching up to where I was in a matter of seconds. I stopped for a moment.

   “What does my wedding have to do with any of this?” I inquired, staring at the grass in front of me.

   “Think about your vows,” she said.

   “And what would that do? My vows have nothing to do with this, Rose.” I flipped my hair over my shoulder, not looking at her. Rose was quiet for a second, probably thinking.

   “’We will go through good and bad times together, no matter what tried us apart, we will stay together’. Think, Esme, and listen. You haven’t even left yet, and Carlisle’s already a helpless little sobbing heap in the house. It’ll soon kill him and the family.” Rose finished her speech, and looked at me, expectant.

   “It won’t kill him or the family. Just… Let me do what I need to with my life, Rose. There’s nothing any of you can do about it; and arguing about it is pointless,” I replied, finally turning around to look her straight in the eye.

   “Doesn’t matter. You just need to love him again! If you don’t, just think about what it would do!” Rose shot back. My jaw dropped, but I quickly snapped it shut.

   “I still love him! I never said that I didn’t – I only said that I need to do what I need to. And, I think it would be better for him, too, if I do this,” I finally said. I did know what it would do him, I just wouldn’t admit it. I knew how it would affect him, and all the rest. At first, it would. But, they’d get over it. Carlisle saw and dealt with deaths everyday. Surely it couldn’t make a difference if it was me.

   “Esme, don’t you see the chain? You take one link from it and it breaks. You take two, and it falls into rusted dust and is never seen again! Don’t take any links away,” Rose blurted out. I thought that over for a second. Links? What freaking links are there?

   “It’s only one link. Nothing will fall apart; I’m barely even a link, Rose. I’m like dust at the end of the chain, nothing more.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

   “No. You’re one of the two links that holds everything together. Everything,” Rose replied.

   “How? It’s not like I do anything around here.” 

   “Parents are the walls to a family. Without your love, this family will fall apart.”

   “No, it won’t, Rosalie. Just, forget it!”

   “Yeah, like how Bella’s crying inside and Carlisle just broke down?” Rose also crossed her arms, and stared at me in a disapproving way.

   “Well, that’s now, isn’t it? They’ll get over it in time. Most likely easily. And, Carlisle’s over there, he didn’t break down,” I answered, jerking my head towards where I could sense Carlisle hiding in the trees. Jeez, he and Rose were like stalkers these days.

   “No, I won’t get over it, Esme,” Carlisle said, stepping out from behind a tree. “What happened to you? You’re not like you used to be.”

   I stared at him for a second. I then looked around at the others who had followed. Zafrina, Serena, Emmett, Chloe, Jamie, and Nicole.

   “Can’t you all just leave me alone?!” I hissed, letting my gaze flicker between the each of them. Emmett was next to me in a flash of movement, his huge arms embracing me.

   “Jeez, Emmett, get off! Go hug your wife instead!” I managed to say, struggling to get out of his arms.

   “No. You’re not leaving,” He growled, hugging tighter. I elbowed him in the gut, hoping it would make him loosen his grip and leave. It worked, and I jumped back about a yard or so.

   “Esme, don’t leave us. We won’t know what to do without you,” Zafrina said in a small voice, standing near the back. I looked over at her.

   “Yes, you will. You don’t need me,” I replied, before I shot off further into the forest.

   I don’t know how far I went before the rest caught up. Emmett pinned me in another hug, although this was more of a restraining embrace. I sighed in exasperation, starting to get royally pissed off.

   “Emmett, just let go,” I growled. Emmett stared me straight in the eye; his a light honey gold, mine a dark, charcoal black.

   “No!” He replied sternly. Serena then walked up.

   “Esme, why are you doing this?” She asked. I turned my gaze to her.

   “It doesn’t matter why. All of you, just let go. Especially you, Emmett,” I said, glancing quickly at Emmett, then back at Serena. I barely noticed Carlisle’s quiet form standing at the edge of the grouping. Our eyes met for a brief second, before I quickly looked away. I couldn’t bear to stare his pain straight in the eye.

   “Let her go. We shouldn’t make her suffer,” he told the rest, not taking his eyes of off me. Emmett turned his head to stare at Carlisle.

   “Her? We’re the ones suffering! Our mother is freaking leaving us!” He hissed, his voice full of venom. Zafrina turned to look at Carlisle.

   “Carlisle, no. Then you will be,” she pointed out.

   “Would she be doing this is she wasn’t suffering?” Carlisle asked rhetorically, his forehead creasing in worry. I could barely take this anymore. Why did they have to make it so hard? It’d be a whole lot easier if it was just a clean break, no good-byes or any of that crap.

   “All of you, just shut up! I don’t care, just, let me go!” I nearly growled, my eyes flickering around frantically at the group in the tiny lush clearing.

   “If she was, she’d go to you, Carlisle. Not death,” Jamie pointed out softly. Hmm, I hadn’t heard or seen her approach.

   “That was before,” Carlisle whispered, “apparently she’s changed.”

   Just then, Justin ran up.

   “Don’t go!” He cried, his gaze burning into me. Oh, and I thought he would be happy if I died? After all, he knew that he would get, and I quote, ‘the flipping awesome house’ if I or Carlisle were to bite the dust. I looked around at the all of them. The pained faces, the anxious whispers. It was horrible. I never thought suicide could be this hard, I thought.

   “If she wants it this way; then we should let her make her own choices. She’s not going to give up,” Carlisle said, finally taking his eyes off of me, and letting them flicker around the rest of the clearing. Chloe had brought Nicole to here. Why, I didn’t know. She didn’t need to torture Nicole with this; after all, Nicole was only, what, like, two?

   “You wanna hurt Nicole?” Chloe inquired, holding Nicole up to me. I swallowed painfully.

   “It won’t hurt her, Chloe. It’d help her. One less vampire putting her in danger,” I replied. Chloe frowned.

   “She loves you; we all do.” She stared at me with the big gold eyes of hers, looking as if she were going to start crying. I didn’t answer to that, and just squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. Amazingly, Emmett finally let go of me. I stood up, and stared at all the people around me. I finally turned my gaze to Carlisle, who stared straight back, his eyes pained.

   “You aren’t gonna stop her?” Chloe asked him, with disbelief. He shook his head.

   “She wants it this way. We shouldn’t stop her.”

   My gaze flickered between them.

   “Can all of you just let it go?1” I hissed, crossing my arms over my chest. Rose looked at me again.

   “Esme, why are you doing this?” She asked. Gee, how many times have I heard that question today?

   “You guys wouldn’t understand,” I whispered, my shoulders set in an angry way. Carlisle took a few steps toward me, hesitant. As if he were afraid that I was a ticking time bomb about to explode or something.

   “Yes, well will. Please, just try to explain,” he said. I could tell how much he hated this – but, hopefully his pain would be over soon. And, so would mine.

   “I’m just not happy with my life anymore. All it is… Is guilt. Regret. Pain,” I admitted, talking more to Carlisle than the rest.

   “Why?” He inquired, his light blond eyebrows scrunching together, like they always did when he was worried. I hesitated before answering.

   “Maybe it’s because I’ve attempted suicide before.” Well, ‘maybe’ nothing. That was the reason.

   “I don’t see how that could make you feel guilty.” Carlisle’s eyebrows furrowed even more.

   “None of you can! You wouldn’t understand. My first suicide attempt way back when was a tremendously huge part of my life – it’s the only reason I’m here. Alive. If I hadn’t jumped off that cliff, you wouldn’t have found me, Carlisle, so you wouldn’t have changed me. The only reason you bit me was because you didn’t want to see me die!” By the time I finished my mini-speech, I was nearly hyperventilating.

   “And, none of you say that you ‘feel my pain’. Because, guess what, you don’t. I don’t know if any of you have attempted suicide before; but I do know that it’s not the reason you’re here. One of you can empathize. And you all know it,” I added. Nobody spoke.

   “Esme, that’s not the only reason I changed you. I changed you because I love you. I always have and always will,” Carlisle said lightly.

   “That’ll make it easier to get over me, then,” I replied, sounding almost trenchant. Carlisle flinched at my tone.

   “No, it won’t. That’ll make it harder,” he said. I shook my head.

   “True love is when one lets the other do what makes them happy. If you can’t do that, well, I guess it’s not true love, then, is it?” I stared at him with an unwavering gaze, waiting for his response. One never came, and his face fell. I didn’t bother to look around at all the others in the clearing; I could tell by the tremors of shock I could almost feel shooting through the silent air that they all looked the same. After a moment, I snuck a quick glance at some of them; only to realize that their expression weren’t the ones I expected them to be.

   None of them compared to the amount of pain permanently branded onto my husband’s face.

   I looked at him one last time, before I turned on my heel and bolted, with no sense of where I was going. Like it even mattered.

 

   I’d ended up going farther south than I expected. I’d run into some civilization; but, not enough that I would be caught. I snuck into a nearby house, stealing a knife. I mean, vampires couldn’t exactly die that way, by stabbing, but, I suppose we didn’t know it was possible for vampires to also have freaky voices in their heads, faint, and nearly die, did we?

   I silently slunk out the window of the house, being sure not to disturb anyone who could possibly be there. I raced away from any possible civilization, into a dark forest.

   I’d found a small, barely lit clearing where I stopped. It was surrounded by tall pine trees and thick foliage; enough that nobody could find me here. I let my gaze travel down to the knife I held in my right hand. The faint light filtering through the breaks in the tree branches made the metal of the blade glisten. Too bad it would soon become the leading cause of a death. Well, hopefully it would.

   I then looked away from the silver blade, up at the sky. I would’ve never thought I would’ve sunk this low; to killing myself. Not again.

   I had thought that ever since I became a vampire that I would be happy. Well, there’d always be times where I wasn’t exactly happy; but, those were things that could be gotten over.

   I didn’t realize until now that all this guilt and regret had been slowly bubbling up inside of me, and was just beginning to spill over. Like the magma rising from the bottom of a volcano to the top, exploding up and away, then turning into lava. Burning, destructive, and devastating.

   Exactly how I felt.

   I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, taking in a deep breath of the crisp fall air through my nose.

   “I love you, Carlisle,” I whispered shakily. I knew he wouldn’t hear me; but, it somewhat made up from what I had last said to him. I didn’t open my eyes again before I raised the blade, plunging it as far as I could through the granite skin of my chest. The last thing I remember was the feeling of blood seeping through my fingers before darkness slammed down over my vision forever.

Author's Note

Okay. First off. YES, I KNOW that vampires don't have blood and cant exactly stab themselves and bleed to death, but, hey, isn't the point of writing a fanfic to twist the rules a bit?
But, the usual. Nothing mean or rude about it please, but, think what you want to. =P
Oh, and, ignore any typos, please. xD

Reviews

[Zippy]

AWSOME! i love everything. And serena's little line.."still"

[Brooke]

Oh, yeah, and I forgot to add... There's TONS of made-up charries in this. xD
Just so y'all don't get confuzzled.