Convos One - Seven

#6 is really long, just so ya knoww.... Remember my reasoning for this. I got boredd.....

 

Conversations between Me, Carlisle, and Esme Cullen

 

Conversation #1

 

Carlisle: *runs away*

Oh, no, mister, you ain’t goin’ NOWHERE!

Carlisle: *gets away* Ha, stupid mortal!

Ah, d****t.

 

Carlisle: *climbs out of vending machine* Oh, crap, you again! *runs away*

NO! Why do you keep leaving me?! WHY?! Wait… Why were you in a vending machine??

Carlisle: Because YOU *points at me* scare the living hell out of me. That’s why.

*glares at Carlisle* Fine then. Go back in the machine. You know, I’m sure Esme wouldn’t approve of your behavior!

Carlisle: *eyes widen* Oh, about that. You scare her, too.

Wow. I just feel SO loved!

*Edward comes out of nowhere*

Edward: So, you hide from her in a vending machine? Yay! I have another member in my secret hideout!

Carlisle: Well, it’s not really a hideout. I just want to hide from her.

Why must you hate me so?!

Carlisle: Put yourself in my place. Wouldn’t you be just the slightest bit freaked out?

No. Well, if it was me, maybe, but, no.

Carlisle: Exactly my point. Ah, well, see ya later. *runs off again*

And I thought he was all “compassionate” and “loving” Yeah. Sure!

 

Conversation #2

 

*Spray paints Cullen house* Haha… Esme’s gonna kill me. Wait – oh, shoot. Esme?! What the hell?!

Esme: D-did you… You… did… Y-You d-did t-t-t-that?! *points at house*

Um, well, yes.

Esme: Any reason?!

Well, since your husband hates me, I needed some revenge. *shrug*

Esme: *growl*

Ha, you sound funny when you growl!!

Esme: EVERYBODY SAYS THAT! *runs to Carlisle*

Carlisle: *points at me and screams like a little girl*

Wow. Just, wow, Carlisle. Be a man! Hey, I found a “Be a Man” bumper sticker! *whips sticker at Esme* Give that to your husband, would’ja!

Esme: NO! He already IS a man!

Then why does he sound like a little girl when he screams?

Esme: Cause that’s just how MANLY he is! *giggle*

… I don’t know how to respond to that. Apparently Carlisle is a girl.

Carlisle: I’m NOT a girl!!

Esme: Yeah, stop taunting him. Only I can do that!!

Oh, shut it, cliff-diver.

Esme: Oh, come ON!

 

Conversation #3

 

Esme: Wow. What is WRONG with you?

Oooohhh…. You’re getting’ feisty, huh?!

Esme: Carlisle, make it stop!

He won’t do anything. I’ve used my special brainwashing weapons to brainwash him! Ha H- What the?! It’s BROKEN?!

Carlisle: Ha, you fail at life.

 

Conversation #4

 

*looks at people staring* yeah. They’re freaking TERRIFIED of me. Which I really don’t get, cause, I mean, come ON. They’re vampires! I think they’ve seen scarier than ME!

Esme: No, not really. With the exception of Carlisle on a blood-sugar rush, I haven’t seen scarier than you.

Gee, thanks, Esme…

Carlisle: Oh, lighten up. You should thank her…!!

For WHAT?!

Esme: Probably for making it so you can never have Carlisle, cause he’s MNE. Heheh…

Well, then.

Carlisle: I’ll have to admit, I think Bella’s less of a danger to us than you are. And she’s a newborn!

Yeah. Yeah, cause I’m just SO dangerous!

Esme: *nod* Yes, you are. I can tell by the evil glint in your eye!

*grumbleFREAKgrumble*

 

Conversation #5

 

Carlisle: *glares at people laughing* I’m not scared of a girl. I’m just scared of a girl hurting my wife, that’s all!

Yeah. SUUUREEE it is!

Esme: *giggle* He’s so protective…

Hear that, lover-boy? You’re wife thinks you’re protective!

Carlisle: Well, what did you expect? For me to go ‘oh, sure, scare the crap out of my wife while I go golfing’? I don’t THINK so!

Maaaybeeee…

Esme: Yeah. You’re messed up.

Carlisle: I have the weight of the family on my shoulders; too. DUDE!

*cough* Since when do you say “dude”?

Esme: Since now. That’s when.

Carlisle: *looks at Alice who also came out of nowhere* What do you expect HER to do? I’m, like, the LEADER person, yo!

Seriously. Don’t talk like that.

Esme: Why not? This “gangster” phase is quite sexy… *little grin*

... No comments… Does anyone have a chainsaw, please?!

Carlisle: You do realize they’d all be DAD without me, yes? *glances at Esme, who’s looking at him worriedly* Sorry, honey.

Oh, don’t “sorry honey” her!

Esme: Let him!

No!

Esme: Do it!

NO!

Carlisle: Shut up, both of you!

Well, Alice and Jasper wouldn’t be dead. You didn’t save them!

Carlisle: I meant the rest. Duh. Why are you questioning my ways?!

Because I can.

Esme: There’s nothing wrong with him calling me “honey”. Got. A. PROBLEM?!

Yes. Yes, I do have a problem.

Esme: Ah, well, get over it.

Jeez. I think someone needs a nap…

Carlisle: What the freak?

 

Conversation #6

 

Carlisle: You know, I usually don’t get mad so easily. I just don’t want YOU *points at me* hurting my wife.

You really think I would hurt her? Cool yer jets!

Esme: Ya never know. I find you to be quite… Violent.

Stay out of this, Cliffly.

Carlisle: Oh, you SO didn’t go there.

Uh, yeah, I did, Doctor Fang!

Esme: *grumbleSHUTUPgrumble*

*grin*

Random person: I think Carlisle has a crush on Brooke!

Oooohhh…. BUUUURRRNNN!!!

Carlisle: … What?

You heard her, Fang!

Esme: *looks at Carlisle in horror* Are you cheating on me?!

Carlisle: What?! No, I would never!

Suuuure you wouldn’t…!! *evil grin*

Esme: Do over eighty years of marriage mean nothing anymore?!

Carlisle: *glares at me* Say nothing. Or I will hurt you. *pulls Esme into his arms to restrain himself from hurting me*

Carlisle’s a PLAYA!

Carlisle: *grimace*

Esme: He’s not a playa!

Yeah – not anymore. *giggle*

Carlisle: What the??

*wider grin* Ha, this is funny.

Esme: What is?!

Taunting you guys!

Carlisle: Well, shut up.

Cool yer jets. I think the old age is finally catchin’ up to ya, y’know?

Esme: He’s NOT OLD!

Yeah, well, over three hundred years, hmm… That’s not old, Cliffly?

Esme: Ahem. “Cliffly”?? Well, then. And, I don’t care how old he is!

Look at it logically. He’s three hundred and sixty two, and you’re, like, eighty-three. Isn’t that just the slightest bit… Um… Odd??

Carlisle: No… That’s only vampire years, dude! We’re the same physical age!

Yeah – except she’s three years older than you.

Esme: Shut your face, or I’ll shut it for you.

Did someone forget their happy pills this morning, huh?

Esme: Happy pills? What am I now, a junkie?

Maybe you are.

Carlisle: Well, um, about that…

… Huh?

Carlisle: I think I accidentally brought home some drugs from the hospital one day… I TOLD you it wasn’t normal blood, Esme!

Esme: Why are you blaming me?! You were the one that brought it home!

Haha. Ha, ha, ha.

Esme: I thought it was blood! I didn’t know that the Master of Mischief here loaded it up!

Carlisle: I didn’t, I swear! I didn’t know it was drugged!

Suuuure you couldn’t! I bet you were trying to drug her so you could go out with your biddies at the club, huh? What it is, the Late Nite Bite?

Carlisle: … Noooooo…

Esme: *smacks Carlisle’s shoulder* What “buddies”?!

Esme: Well?

Carlisle: Um, you were passed out drunk –

WHAT?!

Esme: Drunk?!

Carlisle: Never mind…

Heheh.

Alice: Vampires pass out drunk?

Apparently so…

Esme: I wasn’t drunk!

Carlisle: Then what was it?

Esme: … Nothing…

Carlisle: Don’t lie to me, Esme.

Lie to him, lie to him!

Carlisle: Shut up.

Don’t tell me what to do.

Esme: Fine. I was a little buzzed, okay?!

HA HA! But, wow, Esme, just… Wow.

Esme: Well, umm…

Just spit it out, EVENSON!

Esme: *gasp* Don’t call me that! I was forced into marrying him, okay?!

Sure you were!

Esme: I WAS!

Carlisle: SHE WAS!

Oh, yeah, defend her. I bet your daddy would’ve been so proud! *wipes fake tear from eye*

Carlisle: You do realize that I’m a vampire and could kill you in a matter of seconds, right?

Yes. BRING IT!

 

Conversation #7

 

Hey, Carlizzle, I’m printing out Tragedy. Wanna see what happens to you in it??

Carlisle: No. No, not really.

Well, you’re gonna. Once my super-slow printer finishes printing it out. And, Esme, you get all depressed and suicidal! HA!

Esme: AGAIN?! Wow, I feel so loved.

Carlisle: Cause ya are.

Esme: Aww… I love you, too…!!

Oh, save the lovey-dovey crap for later, would’ja? Jeez! You’re making me JEALOUS! And, Ohmigod, my printer finished! And it’s 18 pages long! And it’s a HUGE pile!

Carlisle: --

Esme: *reads 18 pages* WHAT THE CRAP?! “I plunged the stone as far as I could into Amber’s heart, and her body fell backwards, broken and lifeless.” I’m not that violent!

Well, now you are.

Carlisle: I DIE?!

Yeah, but, you come back!

Esme: I can’t believe this…

Just wait until you read the prequel, Cliffton.

Esme: … I don’t think I want to…

Too bad! *grin*

Random Person: But, you said that you’ve killed people before!

Esme: I WAS A NEWBORN! It’s normal!

Yeah, keep makin’ excuses. “I was a newborn”. Yeah, that’ll get you through court!

Carlisle: Well, that was how many years ago? Eighty? I think it’s been forgotten!

… Apparently not…

Esme: Shut it. Besides, I know a good lawyer.

And who is this?

Esme: Alice.

Yeah, well, Alice is on MY side with this!

Esme: … Shoot. Well, then. Rosalie is convincing, too!

Carlisle: You’re not going to court.

I SUE YOUUU!!!

Carlisle: Very funny, Spockette, very funny.

Ha ha.

Esme: I don’t like this! *huddles into Carlisle’s chest*

Aww, is someone a widdle scared??

Carlisle: *glares*

Random Person: Rose is MINE!

Esme: Good God! We’’, maybe Vladimir from the Romanian coven is convincing!

Carlisle: for the last time; you’re NOT going to court!

Not YET.

Carlisle: Stay out of this…

Well, I think that’ll be quite easy, since HeathCLIFF here is trying to suffocate you.

Esme: Let me have my moments…!!

Author's Note

.... nothing to say, really.............

Reviews

[Rebekah]

LOL! So you finally wrote all those convos down. LOL!

[topsyturvy]

hahaha it was a very fun read!

[unspokenguilt]

It's pretty hysterical typos or no typos it leaves an effect!
:) Elyssa

[Brooke]

Wow. I've got some preeetttyyy bad ypos.... Ignore thoseee.....