Face your maker

A poem about wishes, prayers and the journey to intern power...

I wish for nothing. But, in color

They splash my bones -as flowers, rare

Dreaming still, they brim an’ lull’

On lucid thrones -they dare

 

To ‘just’ visage in blameless fleet

Or cannon a whisper, upon worlds defeat

To fold in cleft -all rooms to bear

The dangle of toes, or the pump of hearts air?

 

But, still only echo -polluted, they groan!

Falling ill an’ out an’ moral by meat

On dancing pavements an’ chalked to the stone

Alone they have ridden, yet hopeless they greet

 

So, face your maker. But, in color

No labor, fierce angel -for who crowned you so rare?

For if you could shake, this world with a wish

Who holds the power out there?

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

love the title ...nice closing .. syntax is a bit stretched to me and rhythm irregular for the strong structure of quatrains and classic rhyme scheme .. which changes in V2 ???? ;) i like the theme a lot ... facing our Maker ... knowing one's self and being true to that requires us to "Face you maker" ... i am not sure who the "they" is ... hints of an antagonist in it but i don't have a direction to really know ... V1 L2 is mwahvelous says i! ...lots of mystery in your poem..lots of things i am inspired to ponder ..
E.

[TheSick]

Thank you E.
I appreciate the feedback!
The "they" loosly reffers to the antagonist wishes/prayers/dreams, but I realized It may be a little too 'loose'?

Ps. i had to google syntax
Always learning says I ;)

[Einstein Noodle]

ohhhhh me too my friend .. one of the wonderful things about the Cafe' says i! :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Some lovely phrasiology in this classic feeling rhyme of a poem. Love the phrase "They splash my bones -as flowers, rare". There is a darkness, a foreboding tone to this one. Final line may need some minor crafting?

[TheSick]

Thank you John!
I really appreciate all your feedback!

May I ask, out of pure curiosity (an if you have the time) -what do you think could be tweaked in the last line? I have thought about extending it... but i'm not sure.

Any feedback would be much appreciated!
I'm always learning!

Regards

[John Alexander McFadyen]

It seems short of meter. Off the top of my head, perhaps something such as
"Who holds that power, and do they care? or
"would you still make it and would it seem (be) fair?"

[TheSick]

Interesting lines to mull over, thank you very much!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

That is just two ideas thrown out but I think you get the point that the line as it stands is too short to fit the piece?

[TheSick]

Agreed, I think it may be time to experiment with the line a little. Thanx!