Take Me Now

It was loud, chaos raging around me. I fought my way through the crowd, I was a shadow somehow creeping through the light. The cool metal of my gun pressed through my shirt, bleeding into my back. Around me, screams erupted and guards pushed their way through the crowds. I made out the words, 'shoot on sight'.

I smirked, knowing I was almost through. The alarm kept blaring, nobody had bothered to shut it off yet. When I had shut off the power, emergency light had lit up, giving the hallway an eerie lighting. 

I finally pushed aside the last person, and broke free of the crowd. I took off toward the end of the hall, pulling my gun from my waistband. I pushed it in front of me, holding it as I ran. A bullet ricocheted down the walls, before burying itself in a softer surface. I ducked behind a stack of crates, and pressed myself against them. I took a deep breath, and dived from behind them, grabbing the approaching guard by their ankles, knocking them off their feet. I shove the gun against his forehead, and pull the trigger. 

I left his body there, and kept running. Running from his ghost, mostly.

I reached the door after another minute of running. I pushed it open, and held my gun to his heart. His eyes widened, and I could see tears in his eyes. 

"So this is what Death looks like?" He asked. He smiled a bit as I pulled the trigger. A crimson rose bloomed into his shirt as he fell to the ground. 

I turned. There was another gunshot, and a blinding pain shot through my chest. 

I look at the gun that gave me this wound, the metal glistening in the light. 

"Thank you." I rasped as I fell. My lungs ached, hurting, hurting, hurting. I couldn't breathe. Smoke in my lungs, stars in my eyes, blood on my chest. The world span in front of me, and I closed my eyes. Light poured in front of me, too much to see, but I couldn't see.

Take me now. I thought as I finally approached the light.

Reviews

[Ian Chris]

What a scary, tension filled story.
Best wishes.
Ian Chris.

[matrixmark]

The first line is perfect. It keeps the reader engaged. Your action writing flows really well. I had a great sense of this person running away and pushing throught the crowd.. Really sharp, short descriptions of when the man got shot and the blood began to flow - een though it was just a sentence i felt that it was briliantly executed. People sometimes go overboard with descriptions, thinking it makes things sound so much better. Sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn't.

What you have created here is an exellent rapid action scene. Your words are short, precise and straight to the point and that's exactly how to execute this type of scene.

Brilliant work. Well done you.

Mark.

[TheShadowsWithin]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this. I was worried it went too fast and wasn't smooth. Thanks again.