I Feel it Now

Cold, pale fingers, gripping my hand

"Can you feel it?" She asks me, her voice an angel's

Words of mine, "I can't."

Stupid words

Her eyes water, glossing over with salty tears

Her head rolls to the side

A last puff of fog from her mouth evaporates into the air

The pain clutches my heart. 

Harder,

Harder,

Harder.

I can feel it now, 

with her body limp in my arms.

I can feel the pain.

The worst pain one can feel.

Death, emptiness, defeat.

The knowledge that she's

Gone,

Gone

Gone.

"I can feel it now."

But she'll never hear me.

Reviews

[Tim L. B. Cummings]

Very dark and morbid. Right up my alley!

"Words of mine" is ... unique, but I won't tell you that it's incorrect. Language is for experimenting with anyway, I just have never seen that way of beginning a dialogue.

I felt the emotions, and that's all I really care about.
Good job.

[Coffee Vampier]

I would have to agree with one of the reviews. My first impression was love too. I think it was the opening sentence that triggered. The opening sentence is the most key part of any writing next to the last sentence. There are may reasons for it but I wont bore you with it. Anyway, with that, it was pretty in the deliverance. Dark though but I like dark so maybe that's just my opinion.

[Heromen Selena]

Hey! I've come across this poem more than once because of the monthly poetry contest and from each time I've always wondered what she wants the other person to feel in the beginning? I know it's up to "personal interpretation" but I'm curious what you were thinking when you wrote this? My first impression was love, like could he (or she) feel the love between them.

[TheShadowsWithin]

Thank you for reading! To answer your question, she was asking if the narrator could feel the pain of loss, because she was dying. He could not feel it because she hadn't died yet, and he could not feel loss if he hadn't lost something. This was based off a personal event that I experienced.

[Heromen Selena]

Oh thank you for answering my question! I'm sorry that you had to experience something this heart wrenching. The more I reread it the deep the ping in my heart gets for the guy left alone. I understand it more now, so thank you for letting me know the intentions of the poem.

[hi]

awwww. this almost made me cry, this is a sad poem.
good write