Dear Hope

Dear Hope,

I don’t know where to start.  I guess that I should tell you I hope you’re happy, wherever you are, and don’t miss your life too much. I could tell you that, but I would be lying. I hope you’re sad, because you left me all on my own. I hope you feel the pain that courses through my veins, every day, as I wake to my bed cold, no beautiful girl sleeping beside me.

I would be lying if I said I don’t care. I’m sorry, Hope. I am terrible at these things, and though it has been four years, seven months and thirteen days, I still remember the sound of your tinkling laughter, and the sparkle in your beautiful eyes as they looked out to the world.

I would be lying if I told you I don’t remember. It has been four years, six months and twenty-seven days since that bitter winters evening, when you told me you were dying. It has been four years, seven months and eight days since that day at the hospital, when you told me you may never see me again. It has been four long, exhausting, lonely years and seven lonesome months, and thirteen horrific days, since that bright winters morning, where the world was blanketed with the beautiful snow, when you laughed your last laugh, and took you last breath, before you left us all, and went away.

I would be lying if I told you that you meant nothing. Hope. Your name meant a brief spell of sunlight and warmth and happiness on the coldest, darkest day of the year. Your presence in the room could brighten up the saddest of hearts, and you amazing way with words could lift up the gloomiest of moods. Those who knew you, can rightly say that you were cherished in the hearts of all those who came to tangle their lives with yours.

I would be lying if I told you I didn’t love you. I think, somewhere in the three short years since our meeting, I fell in love with you. I didn’t tell you this in all your living days, and saying it to your unmoving and cold body was useless, and I screamed it out loud to the world, until they had me dragged out of the hospital room. Cold. That word was never meant to describe you, but it’s almost funny how everything changes after death. To the world, the most cowardly man alive would be the bravest of hearts after his death.

I would be lying if I told you; you weren’t the happiest person I knew. My memories aren’t tarnished by your death, in my mind; you still continue to rule the world. I never met anyone sweeter than you; your innocence was endearing, and your manner enchanting. I think you wouldn’t have wanted to die in a cold hospital room, but your life had been stretched out for too long, and even your persuasive words could not have you back in the warmth of your own bed.

I would be lying if I told you that you don’t hate me. Up there, you’re probably cursing me for clinging to the tiny pieces of your existence. You want me to move on, but how can I, when you came into my life like a whirlwind, and left like a summer breeze.

I would be lying if I told you I miss you.

I would be lying if I told you I don’t want you back.

I would be lying if I told you that life is good.

I would be lying if I told you I’m all right.

I would be lying if I told you everything’s okay.

I would be lying if I told you that I hate you.

I should tell you the truth. I love you.

I put myself through these every month, in the hope that for once, it will not come back to me with the post office stamp. You see, you’re address is not valid, they say. Letters don’t reach the limbo between life and death. But still, I’m going to put it in an envelope, along with my heart, and hope that it reaches you some day. I just want you to know, that out here, someone still cares, and remembers your impact on our existence. I just want you to know that I love you, and this will be the last letter, because although I still love you, and no one will ever replace you, I’m moving on.

Love you, and miss you.

Goodbye,

James

Reviews

[Jenny]

Wow! I'm trying to find the words to express how wonderful this is. I'm not sure that I need to.
But, I didn't want to pass by beautiful writing without at least sending a virtual smile. Thank you for sharing such a lovely work. I read parts over and over. and others were so relatble that it made me a little light headed (in a good way) . Keep writing and thank you for sharing! ~J