The Fire Child

It all started after the disastrous fire in the woods. I think back to that day often, and think what my life would be like now if I had not gone to meet my boyfriend, David, in the old cabin that was our secret meeting spot. I think of when he called me, "come meet me at the cabin in an hour," he told, "I have a surprise!"

I had just walked up the green rotting steps of my childhood playhouse, it was old even then, now my secret meeting spot, with my wicker basket on my arm, David had just called to say he had a surprise for me. Well, I had a surprise for him, I had left my house early to set up the picnic I had planned for the two of us. I set out my baby blue blanket and arranged the sandwiches and drinks carefully, so they would not fall over. I heard a crackling outside and dismissed it as an animal walking on the autumn leaves that had recently fallen. The sound grew louder and there was also the scent of smoke in the air, I opened the creaky door and gasped as I took in the scene; animals racing away from the flames chasing them, trees burning, leaves disintegrating into black powder, the fire was all around me, the air grew thick, I couldn't breath.

"Help! Help!" I screamed into the flames, there was no reply. My eyes burned, my chest heaved, I saw a dark shape appear in front of my vision, I jumped away, narrowly escaping the log that fell next to me. I screamed out once more and collapsed. I felt the flames licking my arms and legs, I tried to scream, but my throat was filled with ash, I saw my hair disappear, it crumbled into black dust and my head exploded with pain.

"Hey there Laura, we thought you would never wake up," the sound of David's voice echoed in my head and I opened my eyes to four familiar faces gathered around my bed.

"Hi honey, you had us all so worried," my mom smiled at me.

"Yeah, you were like dead or somethin'," my little sister, Brianna said.

"Hey, you lost your tooth," I croaked. "Yeah, lost it three days ago," she smiled proudly.

I sat up, "three days ago?"

My mom and dad looked at each other and my dad said carefully, "Laura, you were out for five days, for third degree burns and a concussion."

"Concussion? I had a concussion?"

"Yes, a burning log fell on your head, causing your hair to burn, it also caused the concussion."

"Can I have a mirror?"

"I don't think..."

"Just give a dam mirror alright!" I yell at them, hating myself for this.

My parents hand me a mirror and leave the room with my sister. I look into the small white mirror and tears roll down my cheeks, my hair is all burned off and my face is covered in burn scars, my head, legs, and arms are all wrapped in bandages, I don't ever want to see what's under them.

"You should probably go to," I say to David.

"No, I'm staying right here with you, I will never leave you."

"No, this will be to hard on you, please go," I ask him, I don't want him involved, I'm ugly and he probably doesn't love me anymore.

"Hey, I know what your thinking, but I didn't pull you out of those burning woods for you to tell me to leave. I will always, always, always love you Fire Child."

Author's Note

This was really fun to write, it was for a contest with a prompt.

Reviews

[Sara R.]

I really liked your description of the fire. I felt as though I was there with the character during that scene.
One thing that I noticed is that the tense switched from past to present about 2/3rds of the way down. But, great piece - I enjoyed reading it!

[Northern Woman]

Love this! I would like a continuation please! :D

[C. Rose]

"I had just walked up the green rotting steps of my childhood playhouse, it was old even then, now my secret meeting spot, with my wicker basket on my arm, David had just called to say he had a surprise for me. " - (Be careful of run ons.)

"Hey, you lost your tooth," I croaked. "Yeah, lost it three days ago," she smiled proudly. (Start each character's line on a new line)

Careful to show and not tell. Perhaps add more description of the cabin. Is it big? It the forest dense? Are there muliple rooms? It the rot dangerous? Who used to live here? What do the walls look like? Where does the light come from?

I like the intense situation and the sincerity of the boyfriend.

Courtesy of the Constructive Critics group

[S. Barber]

I entered that contest too, and your submission is really good!

[MacKenzie]

Thank you!