The Top Ten Signs He's NOT "The One" (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)

The Top Ten Signs He’s NOT “The One”

 

10. Whenever he hears Beck’s song, “Loser,” he excitedly yells, “Can you hear that? This is my song!”

 

9. He has a thing for guys in speedos.

 

8. He takes pride in providing you with, what he terms, a romantic evening, when he microwaved you popcorn before watching “The Silence of the Lambs”.

 

7. He goes downtown every day and holds up a sign which reads, “Will have sex for free”.

 

6. He has no Adam’s apple.

 

5. He runs away at the sight of a stroller.

 

4. Seven nuns have placed restraining orders against him.

 

3. When you role-play and he pretends to be a Hollywood star, he calls the proceedings his 15 seconds of fame.

 

2. Whenever he says hello to his mother, she flips him off.

 

1. (drum roll) When introducing you to his pastor, he refers to you as his b***h.

This book and my three others can be viewed and/or purchased at the following site: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/thetaoofroz