The Overuse of Pronouns (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)

The Overuse of Pronouns

 

Some people like to speak in clichés. Others like to speak in metaphors. Certain special people even like to speak in tongues. All of these forms of communicating language to another person are either annoying or frightening on a certain level. That brings me to another type of annoyance with regard to language and that's people who speak in pronouns.

 

It's perfectly alright to begin a story with a person's name, we'll say, Chuck Willard-Foolhardy, and then refer to this individual as "he" in the succeeding sentences, so long as no other character is identified. However, if a new character makes his or her presence known in a story, we can't go back to that pronoun, especially if the other character is also male. If we were to refer to one of them as "he," we may not know which one is being talked about.

 

This brings me to a couple people I know, one in particular, whom basically speaks in pronouns. He or She (this information has yet to be determined) will bring up a person's name, Buck Dolittle, at 1:42 pm EST and at 6:49 pm EST, he/she will say something like, "Yeah and he went bungee jumping from the rim of a basketball hoop."

 

I'll look confused and of course ask the rational question, "Who?"

 

This person will then say, "Buck Dolittle, of course," like I'm supposed to know that.

 

There is almost always a fairly long gap between the original specific reference and the pronoun(s). This becomes confusing, because many other topics and people will have been discussed between these two points in time. Also, when multiple people or things are discussed and the words "he," "she" or "it" are used on multiple occasions, representing different nouns, this makes it all the more perplexing for listeners. Here is an example:

 

Tanisha (at 2:01 pm EST on Jan. 13th, 1994): "So, remember that freezer I saw on sale? Do you think we can purchase that?"

 

Geraldo: "Let me think about it, honey. We're on a very tight budget right now, with all the bookies we have to pay off for all the miniature golf tournament bets we made."

 

 

Tanisha (at 3:19 pm EST on the same day): "Gosh, that air freshener is great. It reminds me of weed."

 

Geraldo: "I know. Are you hungry, sweetie?"

 

 

Tanisha (at 4:20 pm EST on 1/13/94): "Look at that baseball. Why is it yellow?"

 

Geraldo: "That's a tennis ball."

 

 

Tanisha (at 7:32 pm on the same day): "So, yeah, it's great, isn't it? It's really great!"

 

Geraldo: "What's great?"

 

Tansiha: "That air freshener, of course. What else would I be talking about?"

 

Geraldo: "Eh... I don't know. I was hoping you were referring to something else. ::as he looks down toward his nether region::"

 

...and so it goes. It can be a trying time following along with a regular conversation, but attempting to follow along with someone whom speaks in pronouns for a full day comprised of several references to different people, items and events, that is an entirely different beast. If one has to listen to these pronouns on a regular basis for an extended period of time, they will need to load up on Excedrin, ear plugs, illegal substances and a trip to the loony bin, a psychiatrist or a singles' cruise. HE would really need IT, wouldn't HE? Indeed he would, whoever this he is. I'm not sure we'll ever know.

This book and my three others can be viewed and/or purchased at the following site: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/thetaoofroz