"Marley & Me" Saves Families...or so I'm told (an excerpt from my book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass)

"Marley & Me" Saves Families...or so I'm told

 

That's right, the film starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston and a dog named after Bob Marley saves families. I didn't know this until yesterday, when a friend of mine posted a status on Facebook asking if she was the only person to not like the movie and a friend of her's laid claim that because of that very movie, she and her family are closer than ever, that it in essence saved the family.

 

Never in my life did I ponder for a moment, "Forget religion. Forget politics. Forget employment. Forget illness. Forget education. Forget vacation. What brings families together is 'Marley & Me'!" Okay, so perhaps I'm being a tad (very) sarcastic.

 

I don't know this woman's story. In any case, I'm glad that she's doing better, as is the rest of her family. However, I still have trouble buying the tale that they were saved by this film. I can't help but laugh at the notion.

 

Let me give some hypothetical examples that this woman's story could compare to in order to illustrate its level of ridiculousness:

 

"'Twilight' made me realize that my dream can ultimately be achieved. If a film (series of films) can be that bad and become so popular, why would it be so unfathomable for me to become successful in Hollywood? I've already started writing a script for a film which will be called, 'An Ostrich, An Emu, A Polish Farmer and A Cloning of Adam Lambert'. It's going to be a sure-fire winner! I guarantee it!"

 

"'Psycho' made me realize that wanting to kill my husband was wrong and it made me love him more than ever."

 

"'Forrest Gump' made me realize that my husband really isn't an idiot. He's just a tad slow sometimes and the film helped me become more patient with him. Instead of expecting him to clean the entire house in 2 hours, I will now give him 3."

 

"'American Beauty' helped me see the beauty in my wife. Ever since she had the octuplets, she's been fatter than a Sumo wrestler eating only big macs for breakfast, brunch, lunch, linner, dinner and a midnight snack. I thought of her as quite ugly and I couldn't even look at her, but based on that bag blowing in the wind, I now see my wife for who she is and she's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes, I mean, the most beautiful person in the world."

 

"'Brokeback Mountain' helped me see that it's okay to leave my unemployed wife and 17 kids to follow my true self and the man whom completes me - Deion."

 

"David Lynch films made me feel less guilt about being addicted to drugs. I may eventually get arrested and/or die from these addictions, but at least I'll die high and full of wild and crazy ideas."

 

"Tom Cruise films instilled in me a confidence I hadn't previously felt. It helped me realize that it's okay to be short and a little loony. I can be considered a hunk if I'm 5'6'' and it's alright if I go to a store and jump from couch to couch or mattress to mattress. Tom Cruise did it. So can I!"

 

"'Showgirls' gave me an appreciation for what my mother does for a living. I now respect her more. What she does is hard work and even though I'm only 6, I have a new-found cognizance and appreciation for her and what she does every night."

 

"'Shrek' provided me with hope. I may be green, have bad breath, odd eating habits and a bit funny looking, but I now know it's my destiny to marry a beautiful princess."

 

"My wife and I both have a crush on George Clooney. Whenever we watch one of his films together, we are filled with creativity and fire. Some of the things we do on such occasions are probably outlawed in most states and countries. Have you ever had a night which included: A trampoline, basketball hoop, laundry basket, watermelons, a vacuum cleaner and a can of diet 7-Up? I didn't think so."

This book and my three others can be viewed and/or purchased at the following site: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/thetaoofroz