"The Are-You-Worthy-To-Marry-My-Daughter Pop Quiz"

The Are-You-Worthy-To-Marry-My-Daughter Pop Quiz

1) If my daughter gets sick, what will you do to ensure she has a quick recovery?

A) Whatever the doctor says

B) Give her a call button and tell her that she can use it at any time

C) Do all the work she would have done had she been feeling well

D) Hand her a trash can, recipe book, a Cosmo Magazine and $5 as you walk out the door saying, “I’ll see you in a week after I return from Vegas with my other b*tches”

2) What would you do to treat my daughter to a romantic evening?

A) Dinner and a movie (chick flick)

B) Make her a candlelight dinner

C) Recite poems you’ve written for her by the fireplace

D) Get drunk, take her to a strip club and continually point to her and shout out, “Give her a $20! She’s better than these other ones! Give her a $20 and see what she can do!”

3) What is your favorite physical feature of my daughter?

A) Her smile

B) Her legs

C) Her hair

D) Her big beautiful 34D eyes

4) Where would you take my daughter for your honeymoon?

A) Hawaii

B) Paris

C) Rome

D) That Amish Community 5 miles south of here

5) What is it that you love most about my daughter?

A) Her intelligence

B) Her sense of humor

C) Her generosity

D) The fact that her mother’s hot and will therefore look very good in 30 years

6) Would you ever cheat on my daughter?

A) Never

B) It depends on how you and she define the term “cheat”

C) Only if your lives depended on it

D) You already slept with her twin sister

7) What is the one thing you have to offer my daughter that no other man could?

A) Financial stability

B) Constant laughter

C) Respect

D) Just ask her about last night

8) What do you do when you get angry?

A) Become physically violent

B) Yell and scream

C) Face turns bright red as steam emanates from your scalp

D) Sing lullabies in a cappella

9) If your best friends had to describe you in one word, what would that word be?

A) Funny

B) Selfless

C) Happy

D) Who?

10) If you marry my daughter, would you be willing to compromise with her throughout the duration of the marriage?

A) Of course

B) When you felt it to be necessary

C) If she were willing to do likewise

D) Hold on a sec. Let me grab you a dictionary.

11) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

A) In a lovely house, with my daughter and a kid on the way

B) In an apartment trying to save money for a house

C) Traveling for work

D) Having this same conversation with another woman’s father

12) Do you believe in God?

A) You go to church every week

B) You go to church over Christmas and Easter

C) Whatever I want you to believe, you’ll believe

D) My daughter believes you to be God

13) Would you say that you’re close to your family?

A) They mean the world to you

B) Always have been and always will be

C) Mainly during big events or tragic times

D) Only when you’re in the same house

14) If you and my daughter were having problems, what would you do about it? A) Seek counseling

B) Ignore them

C) Discuss them

D) Trip acid and visit a planetarium

15) If my daughter asked you to go shopping with her during the Super Bowl, how would you react?

A) Roll your eyes

B) Let out a heavy sigh

C) Start blurting out four-letter words

D) Show an excitement she’s never seen in you before, which in turn, makes her think that you’re gay

16) How do you feel about helping my daughter around the house?

A) It’s your pleasure

B) It’s not fun, but has to be done

C) You don’t mind doing a couple things here and there

D) So long as she pays you your allowance, you’re happy

17) How many kids would you like to have with my daughter?

A) 2

B) 3

C) 4

D) You already have 12 and are soon to be expecting a baker’s dozen

18) What would your mother say at the thought of you becoming a father?

A) “God help us!”

B) “Oh sh*t! Not again!”

C) “I told you we should have given Lorena Bobbitt a call!”

D) All of the Above

19) Do you see yourself being with my daughter for the rest of your days?

A) Of course

B) As far as you know

C) So long as God doesn’t have other plans

D) Days? Yes. Nights? Not so much.

20) Do you promise to always make my daughter happy?

A) Yes

B) You’re almost certain

C) The odds are definitely in her favor

D) Unless you find something better