Where do I go from here

a piece concieved written edited and finished all in under 48 hours its about the poor state of our social system that makes people not realise that love is more important than what people think

The alarm rang, wrenching James from sleep, he tumbled out of his bed. His face lay in the thick shag carpet and he contemplated just staying there. The first day of school could go to hell for all he cared. His carpet was comfy and comfiness was more important than intelligence right? These thoughts flitted in and out of his brain until the alarm began to ring again and he had to get up. The room was dingy, but not overly so, its contents like his hair a sort of tousled mess that somehow lent itself to a pleasing order. He shuffled over towards his bathroom leaning on the sink and managing somehow to get toothpaste on his toothbrush, a comb through his hair and deoderant everywhere it needed to be and not in his hair. The usual band shirt and torn jeans would do for today, he jammed his feet into his shredded canvas sneakers and headed downstairs. Goddamnit what am I thinking, I need to grab phone and wallet before I go anywhere. He ran back up the stairs and snatched his usual pile of assorted junk from his dresser and crammed it into his tight pockets. He grabbed some coffee from the kitchen and dashed out the door. 

He set off down the sidewalk towards the high school. It was a five minute walk before he went past Klovers house and had somebody to talk to. He thought as he walked, his mind stirred with unsettling ideas of Klover. Maybe I am attracted to him? He thought. Maybe that's okay? I  just don't know how to break it to him.. if that's the right word for that? God why can't I just ignore things like Klover did. He remembered the way Klover had pushed away his outer emotions when his father died. He hid his facial expression behind a little joke and a show of picking up his things before walking out of class.  He bit his lip as he thought, his ideas pushing on his brain not wanting to be pushed away.  Stupid brain, why won't you listen to me when I try and not think about something all you end up doing is making me think about it more. James sighed heavily and kept walking determined not to think about Klover like that. Repeated images of little things kept bouncing off his brain. Pictures of holding Klover's hand, getting held late at night when he felt vulnerable and scared. The more he tried to shove these thoughts away the more thoughts he had about how warm and soft Klovers skin was, how nice it would be to hear his calm reassuring voice. 

James was shaken from his own little world by a shout from nearby. He jumped a little as he heard Klovers voice, "James. Hey James. Wait up." Klover came sprinting over, vaulting the low fence in front of his house and catching up to James. Klover smiled, and brushed himself off. He was averaged sized,  with a middling build, long black hair and charming features. He had a motley assortment of clothing on, nothing really making a whole lot of sense to anybody who didn't know him. Dressed in a shirt sporting some artist nobody but he had ever heard of, a black and white checkered beanie and worn out jeans covered in little drawings and poems. As they walked to school Klover waved at passing cars leapt up on fences and walked them, constantly expended energy and talked to everyone who passed by. James kept to himself, which was uncharacteristic of him. His shaggy brown bangs hiding his eyes which he attempted to keep off of Klover. Nope not thinking about that, not even a little bit nope nope nope nope... His thoughts chased themselves around inside of his head like a dog after its own tail. 

As they approached the school and Klover went off to his first period and James settled in for his own day. He took a seat in the back of the English class and laid his head on the desk the day exhausting already. He didn't go more than ten seconds without getting poked in his arm. Looking up he spotted Blue sitting to his right. The welcoming smile made him feel a little better as he knew that at least this year he wouldn't get stuck at a desk with some idiot. Blue had his notorious black notepad sitting on the desk next to him and that ridiculous purple button up shirt on. Blue was about the same size as James and Klover, with shock white hair and dark blue eyes that gave him his name. Aspirations of being a reporter dominated Blues life and he always had is satchel and black notepad on him.  English class blurred into non-existence, Blue managing to grab attention, correct the teacher, or tell a vibrant, albeit somewhat ridiculous, story at every chance he got. Winking at the girls in the front and generally picking Jame's spirits back up to where they should be. The rest of the day melded into his usual act. He hugged just about every girl in every class he talked, laughed joked, and almost impersonated blue in the classes they weren't in together. As the final bell rang a cheer of happiness rose up from the last class as everyone flooded out of the classrooms and into the hallways. 

James waited for Klover at the west door, they were supposed to hang out today but Klover almost never did what he said he would do. Generally Klovers mom called him during the day and made sure he wasn't going to do anything after school. James had seen it happen too many times before and he knew it could have happened now. James pulled his phone from his pocket, "Heading home, Long day call me later or something," his texts were almost always vague with plenty of room for interpretation. With that he hit the sidewalk and made his way home. As he slipped up into his room through the upper windows he finally let a sigh of relief escape. He let the blinds close encompassing the room in darkness before taking off his shirt shoes and socks.  A sigh of complaint issued up from his bed as he collapsed onto the old mattress. His brain felt foggy and sluggish, unable to think of anything not related to Klover. He fell asleep this way still thinking of things he didn't want to think about.

The dawn broke upon a new day, rays of sunshine pouring into the bedroom before the alarm clock decided to go off. It's chirping was silenced by a tap of the hand as James dragged himself out of bed. The thoughts were still there, his wants still lurking in back, pieces of his mind he didn't feel like visiting. Washing, dressing, the final touches, they all seemed so arbitrary. He went through the motions and made it out the door. The trees seemed a little more still, the grass a little dimmer, the chatter and bustle of the suburban neighborhood more distant. James unlocked Klovers front gate, stepping into the jungle of a yard in front of his house and walking up to the front steps. I hope Klovers up.. He does look kinda sexy in the mornings.. no no no I will not go there, l not today. He bit his lip and rang the doorbell.  Why am I even here this early? I usually don't leave the house for another 5 minutes but already I am on Klovers front porch. The door opened  up and Klover stood there, half dressed with a piece of toast hanging out of his mouth. "Give me a sec" He managed to say around the toast as he dissapeared inside. The door swung on its hinges in the breeze as Klover dashed back up his stairs and fumbling could be heard from above. Moments later he appeared with clothes on and the toast half eaten. "So why playing the early bird James?" Klover asked as he removed the half piece of toast from his mouth. James turned red, his thoughts still on Klover's half dressed body. "N-no reason just needed to get out of the house. Klover eyed him suspiciously before his eyes lit up. "It's a girl isn't it?" James almost tripped over the curb they stepped off of. "W-what no it isn't, you know I have Monica." Monica, yet another reason why he should put this whole Klover buisness out of his head and forget about it.  Klover frowned when he heard this but didn't bring it up again. The rest of the walk was silence aside from the occasional comment about a new horror movie or some new book in a series Klover was reading. As they neared the school Klover split off from him and went another way, the halls were even blander than usual.

The only splash of color was from Blue, his bright shirt and smile made a little rush of energy surge through James carrying him into a more energetic state as he joined Blue and their antics began.  Klover soon joined them as they abandoned the cafeteria for the hallways. Every sweet moment of avoiding teachers while trying to eat something and still breathe all at the same time provided sweet moments of bliss and ridiculous actions to distract James from his own thoughts. All too soon it was over and the rest of the day finished out before he had time to see Klover again. As he was walking out the door Blue rushed up to him and nearly tackled him. "Hey do you want to hang out with us today? It is a friday after all." Blue and Klover stood there a little expectantly. James laughed a little. "Yeah sure, I don't need to be home tonight." High fives were issued up and they dashed out of the school. Once they had made it into the backstreets they slowed to a steady walk. Their conversation drifted from one thing to another before finally settling on the newest bike to come out from their favorite preformance bike dealer. The Viper sounded menacing enough and with a fairly cheap price tag decent show and the fact that the new bike would come with a lock they were nearly sold. They kept talking about what they would do with the new bikes, the best jumps, the best straights, the running from the cops. It was all part of the adventure to them and it managed to keep James from thinking too heavily about Klover. 

Finally as they neared the bike shop they settled it, they would all pitch in and buy the three bikes in order to get the discount on them and then head back to Klovers house for the rest of the night. No this is stupid I shouldn't go over there, it won't be the same now that I think about Klover like that. His train of thought was broken by the bell of the door as they walked in. The man who managed the counter was old-ish with a salt and pepper beard, wirey hair and a lean frame. His name was Matt and they knew him well. Ever since they had bought their first trick bikes with birthday money back in 6th grade they had come in here nearly every day to look at new arrivals. He already knew what they wanted. "Vipers right? Full spec with the included locks" He laughed as they nodded in almost unison. "I already had them assembled for you when they came in, they are in the back behind the office." Blue handed him the money and let him count it before they went off to the back and got their bikes. The trio then set off onto the still warm tarmac and slipped right into formation. James had to pay attention  now so there was no time for obsessing over his friend, the cars zipped by and the potholes loomed up all the way from the shop to Klovers house. As they finally pulled in and tucked all the bikes away int Klovers garage the night was nearly over. All three climbed upstairs, flopped into the couch, the bed, and the armchair and passed out. All but one that is, James still sat running thoughts back and forth in his mind until he finally passed out. 

The ringing of Jame's phone woke him and he fumbled around until he finally answered it. "Hello?" The voice on the other end was Monica, James' current girlfriend. "Do you think we could spend some time together sometime this weekend?" James looked over at Klover and his mind flashed to the morning before. "Yes today, I can come over in like 10 minutes" Monica answered back sounding a bit more cheerful. "Alright, come over I'll make pancakes or something." James pulled on his shoes as he answered. "Love you, bye." He ended the call and scribbled a note to Klover explaining why he left early before going downstairs and out to the garage. I need something to clear my head, I need to just see Monica again and sex with her will just reaffirm that I am straight... right? He jumped on his bike and attempted to ignore the constant barrage of Monica and Klover.  The streets zipped by, their luster dimming and brightening with each wave of thinking depending on what it was. Finally he pulled up into Monica's driveway and  stashed his bike under her porch. Her mom probably isn't home but still, best to go in through the window. It's not worth risking the doorbell or knocking. He slipped around back and hoisted himself up onto the ledge, before grabbing the balcony in front of Monica's room and pulling himself up onto it. He fell into her embrace and they held each other in her open window for a good five minutes before disregarding the breakfast and falling into bed. The soft white sheets were soon tangled and Jame's shirt flung somewhere in a corner of the room. Finally as their hearts raced and they kissed, about to begin. He stopped, visions of Klover's body filled his head and he bit his lip. "I can't do this.." She looked at him quizzically. "You haven't ever not wanted to before," her tone beginning to get a little bit concerned before morphing into touches of anger. "Is there someone else?" He sat there for a moment. Think damnit, what should you tell her, what can you tell her. "Yes, I mean no, I mean yes... It's complicated" She sat across from him. "Tell me.." He took one last look at the ground and his resolve snapped. "It's Klover.." She stared at him blankly. "What?" He looked away before deciding to just say everything. "I know he is my best friend but I think I love him, it started out as a crush and then I started thinking about his body and I just can't keep ignoring it anymore. I don't know what to do, my mom will kill me my dad will start spinning in his grave. Klover will never want to talk to me ever again." James spilled everything, his emotions pouring out like a torrent. His cheeks flushed red before blanching completely white as he realized the enormity of what he had just said. It's force an unstoppable wave of feeling and then, and then it was gone. James was left with an empty feeling inside and Monica's words barely echoed off his brain. "Go, Leave, I'll talk to you Monday or something.. Just not right now..." He got up and walked out jumping down onto the grass, picking up his bike and heading off. That empty feeling followed him like a cold winter chill until he made it to Blue's house. The red brick two story house was easy to get into, especially Blue's room. He was still missing his shirt when he went in and tears had run down his face soaking his cheeks. Blue looked at him knowingly held him tight and pulled him down onto the soft bed.  James  said everything to Blue that he had said to Monica and more. Blue responded with a soft I know every now and again, encircling Jame's body in his arms and holding him close. James finally calmed down for a few moments and Blue interjected. "Klover was going to tell you this morning but you were gone, he has to leave in three hours, his dad's charity project really kicked off so they are going to Africa to oversee everything." James' body almost went into shock when he heard this. The devastating reality that he might not see Klover again, or talk to him, or tell him how he felt. These truths hit him like a ton of bricks and he shuddered on the inside. Deep  deep down in Jame's heart something broke. It made a sound like a piece of fine glass breaking. Just a little sound and it was all over. James looked away and thought to himself, if only if only. 

                                                                 The End